It really is kind of wild for me to sit back and realize that I have a whopping 14 piercings. Although most of them are in my ear (the others are my nose and belly button) because I didn’t start getting pierced at all until I was well into my 20s…I guess that I just up and decided to make up for lost time.
For many of my later-in-life piercings, I’ve always gone to the same tattoo shop (it’s so much better than using a piercing gun at a place like Claire’s). Listen, when folks are putting holes into your body, it tends to be a pretty intimate experience, which is why, when the guy who hooked me up once asked me, “Have you ever thought about getting a nipple or below-the-belt piercing?”, it didn’t bother me in the least (he’s happily committed and very cool people). When I asked him why he wanted to know, he said that, for one thing, he knew that I wrote about sex a lot (he’s right); also, many of his clients have professed that getting one was well worth the few moments of pain that they had to go through; especially when it comes to feeling intense sexual pleasure.
Listen, the quality of orgasms that I have experienced over the years — I’m good on those. And so, for me personally, I am totally fine with leaving this life with no nipple or clit piercings to speak of. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t curious about what he had to say, though; especially after checking out the Janet Jackson clip that you’re about to watch. So, I did a bit of digging around, along with some impromptu interviewing with a couple of people. If you keep reading, you’ll find out if clit piercings (specifically) are truly able to take your sex-related experiences up a few notches — or not.
The Clit. Briefly Revisited.
GiphyI’ve written on the clitoris for this platform on more than one occasion (check out “10 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Clitoris” and “7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood”). One of the main reasons why I find it to be so fascinating is it’s a little thing that can pack a truly powerful punch when it comes to women and sexual satisfaction. In fact, study after study has come to the conclusion thatthe sole purpose for us having a clitoris at all is so we will be able to experience sexual pleasure and orgasms — and shoot, that reason alone should make us want to know as much about our clitoris as possible, including how to properly care for it.
For instance,were you aware of the fact that the clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings inside of it while the penis merely has 4,000? So yeah, if there is one part of your body that is hella sensitive to any type of stimuli, your clitoris would definitely be the one.
So, with that being the case, what role does piercing it actually play if you’re someone who wants to get as much out of your clit as absolutely possible? Good question.
Clit Piercing. Explored.
GiphyOkay, it’s not like I think that you don’t get the overall concept of what a clit piercing is — clearly, it’s when you pierce your clitoris with a piece of jewelry. However, believe it or not, it’s actually a bit more layered and involved than that.
For instance, did you know that there are multiple types of clit piercings that you can get? You can clickhere to read up on the specifics; for now, I’ll just say that some go directly through your clitoris (the glans piercing) while others go through the base (HCH) or underneath its shaft (triangle). Coming to the conclusion of which one you want has a lot to do with how you want your clit piercing to look and the type of stimulation that you are after.
Like if you want to get as much sexual stimulation as possible, the VCH, Princess Diana, or triangle piercings, reportedly, are gonna be your best bet. Mostly because the first two move up and down on the clitoris during sexual activity while the triangle piercing has the ability to stimulate your clitoris, vaginal opening, and even a part of your anus as well (hence the word “triangle”). At the same time, while you are “getting yours,” your partner is also able to benefit because clit piercings are able to pleasure him during penetration too.
As far asthe type of jewelry that is typically used for a clit piercing, a circular barbell (like the one in the feature pic for this article), a bead ring, or a curved barbell are the standards. Material-wise, you should always opt for surgical steel because it’s durable, super hygienic, really easy to clean, hypoallergenic, and doesn’t corrode over time. Now, for the record, titanium and 14K gold are options too; surgical steel is still gonna (probably) be what your piercer starts out with and, as an additional bonus, surgical steel is the most affordable of the three.
Aside from if a clit piercing is truly all that it is cracked up to be (we’ll get into that in just a moment), I’m pretty sure the next thing that you want to know is how painful is it to get one of those bad boys. I mean, let’s not go into denial mode, right? Piercing any part of your body is going to havesome level of discomfort. The main thing to keep in mind with this particular part of your body is, that if you pierce the part of your genitalia that has more fat and fewer nerves, it’s going to hurt much less than the reverse. You also need to keep in mind that if that part of your body has a whopping 8,000 nerve endings in it and you decide to pierce through some of them with a super sharp instrument — yeah…that part. However, it the piercing process is rather quick and the healing process is somewhere between 4-8 weeks.
Oh, and so long as there isn’t an allergic reaction or infection (and if you go to a reputable tattoo parlor and they open a fresh pack of piercing tools), you should be fine. Just make sure that while your clit piercing is healing — you keep it clean; apply saline solution; incorporate some water-based lube during sex, and that you use some form of barrier protection — meaning a condom — so that semen/sperm doesn’t irritate it and/or so that you can be fully protected in case your partner happens to have an STI/STD.
Okay, so now that I’ve given you a quickie review of what a clit piercing is all about, let’s circle back around to what you really want to know: are the brief moments of pure piercing pain worth it when it comes to the potential moments of pleasure that you can experience, for years to come, on the back end.
Three Women Tell Me How They Feel About Their Own Clit Piercings
GiphyYou know, there used to be a time when folks (especially in our community) would’ve chalked clit piercings up to something that very few people would ever consider doing. These days? I thoughtit was very interesting that back before the shutdown, clit piercings were not in the top 10 of most popular and requested ones; after the shutdown, though? It has cracked into the top 10 (I guess all of that time at home gave people the opportunity to do some more-than-usual exploring, huh?).
Three of the Black women I spoke to about her own clit piercing — one has had it for years while the other two got one after we went “back outside.” I asked them, specifically, what they thought about them, sexually; here is what they had to say (middle names were used, so that folks won’t be all up in their business).
1. Stacee. 32. Clit has been pierced for seven years.
“I actually got my clit pierced on a bet. My bestie and I at the time were both going through a breakup and when I told her that nothing could be more painful, she said, ‘I bet a clit piercing would be’. We got hella drunk and I got what’s called a Venus piercing [which is actually right above the clitoris]. It wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t super painful either. As far as the sex goes, yeah — it helps out because the type of earring that’s in it, it hits on my clitoris during sex. I had solid orgasms before my piercing but getting that extra sensation, especially when I’m on top or he’s hitting from the back? It’s better than just about any sex toy that I own!”
2. Iris. 29. Clit has been pierced for two years.
“Let me put it to you this way: you couldn’t pay me to get my clit pierced again and you also couldn’t pay me to ever take mine out. The pain that I had? I ain’t gonna lie; it was a lot like when you get that shot to numb your mouth before a root canal. It’s quick but lawd is it mind-numbing. I have the triangle, though, and whether ‘he’s’ going down on me or it’s intercourse, my orgasms have never been the same; especially when I put my ring in the freezer right before sex. Whew-wheeee. Clit piercings aren’t for everyone but if you’re someone who wants to get the most out of orgasms, it’s a great investment.”
3. Lina. 40. Clit has been pierced for three years.
“I had never had an orgasm before getting my clitoris pierced. Since getting it, most of the time, I don’t have sex without having at least a couple of them! I think it’s a plus to have something extra that is always stimulating that part of your body while you’re having sex. It keeps me from focusing so much on having an orgasm and keeps my partner from having to worry so much about if it’s touching the exact spot. The pain of the piercing was worth it. It was short. Just smoke some weed first. That’s what I did.”
___
Between these three women raving about their clit piercings and Janet’s throwback of liking her nipple one — there must be something to piercing erogenous zones, no doubt. So, if a part of you has always been curious and you didn’t know who to ask, I hope this “scratched that itch.”
Is it painful to get? Yes.
Is the pleasure worth risking it all? Apparently so — and then some.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert