Sadly, season four of Insecure is over. The show has given us another season of Black love, Black friendship, and Black stories that's much-needed in the very real world problems of 2020. But of course, the season finale gave us some major relationship themes to unpack, per usual. Last week, we were trying to keep up with Issa's efforts to juggle a rekindled relationship with Lawrence and transition into friend territory with Nathan, but that all went on pause when Condola (or Canola Oil as the internet not-so-lovingly refers to her as) reentered the scene with a more pressing issue.
Here's an in-depth recap of the season finale, but this is the short version…
Issa and Lawrence finally found their groove. All is good… until it isn't. Tiffany goes missing and her disappearance makes the whole crew reevaluate what relationships they're really fighting for. Then Lawrence drops a baby bomb, courtesy of Condola, on Issa and she's faced with the decision of whether she wants to fight for the relationship or not. Decisions, decisions…
Still reeling from the @insecurehbo finale. pic.twitter.com/9SRjxLNGN5
— HBO (@HBO) June 16, 2020
"This is too much," was Issa's reaction to the news and the collective reaction of Black Twitter ever since the baby bomb was dropped. I for one, concur. That is TOO much. I can't say whether I'm Team Lawrence or Team Nathan, but I am Team Don't-Throw-A-Baby-In-The-Mix. Issa has just launched a new career and is coming into her own as a woman. Fitting a baby that isn't hers into that is an unnecessary complication. Now, being that I've never personally gone through this myself—being in love with someone who is having a baby with someone else—I'm sure that's a lot easier said than done.
Break babies do happen, and some couples do work things out and go onto to lead fruitful relationships within their new norm. Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Ludacris and his wife, Eudoxie Mbouguiengue, and more stars have been public examples of how having a baby outside of a relationship doesn't have to be the end of said relationship. But the behind-the-scenes work from both parties that it took to achieve this family bliss is not something to take lightly.
While it couldn't be me, it could be for someone else. So, I reached out to Insecure fans to find out this:
Is a break baby a deal breaker? What are some other deal breakers?
Baby? No. Kindergartener? Yes.
"Honestly, kids are not a deal breaker for me, but baby babies are. But it's not what you think.
In my past experiences of dating men with children, I learned that the emotions are super fresh, the younger the child is. And honestly, that is fair. If you are dating a good man (or at least one with a good heart), his feelings for his child(ren) and their best interests will always be top priority. And rightfully so. However, often how he feels about his child, may conflict with how he feels about his child's mother. Sometimes people want to give it one last go to see if they can work things out for the sake of providing the baby a two-parent home. Or sometimes they genuinely realize that their child's mother is in-fact 'the one' (see: Chance The Rapper.) And if you're a half-decent human being and pro-love, you can't knock that.
On the other hand, there are some men who truly know that being with their child's mother is not an option, however, you still have to deal with the woman getting on the same page too. And that can be drama!
That's why, I have a rule that I'd rather date a man with a 'kindergartener' and up. While not always the case, at least the kid's age is an indication of how many years he and his child's mother have gotten adjusted to the dynamics of co-parenting and have already given it a couple shots to see if they work or not beyond that." –Soraya "Sojo," Digital Director + Personality
Not For Me, But Still Rooting For Issa And Lawrence
"I'm biased. Mainly because for me personally a man having a child (with another woman) is a deal breaker. Becoming an instant stepmother isn't the problem (I love kids). The problem is knowing that the baby's mother is always going to be in his life is the deal breaker part for me. It would make me feel like I would be in competition for the number one woman in his life.
However, I'm biased because in the case of Issa and Lawrence, it's tricky. They had a long relationship, and this was not something that was planned and because of the circumstances of their relationship. I think they should give it a shot. I think my general answer would be, it depends on the situation." –India Douglas, Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW)
I Fell More In Love With The Baby Than Her
"Deal breakers are important to have. It helps in the process of developing proper relationships with people. A deal breaker I have before the big one is my partner must believe in God. They don't have to be religious, but they must believe in a higher power. I think faith can destroy a relationship if you and your partner don't share the same beliefs. They have to be funny or have a great sense of humor. I like to laugh and to make others laugh. They must have self-confidence. While I think you can definitely help build someone up to be the best person they can be, no one should have to and that comes of someone being self-confident.
Lastly, a baby is definitely a deal breaker for me. In one of my past relationships, I dated a young lady with a baby, and I ended up falling in love more with the baby than her. At the time I didn't fully realize that had happened and I tried for everyone to make the relationship work. She was a great person that just wasn't the right person for me, but I loved her son. After that, I decided never to date another woman with a baby. It clouds my judgement of the relationship." –Lucas Moore, Writer/Commentator
One Is My Max And None Is Even Better
"Deal breakers: Married or in a relationship, his own place (no roommates), car and a career (TSP, 401K, dental and health insurance). Kids are a deal breaker for me being that I've experienced the divorced man with three kids. One is my max and none is even better. I'm also unmarried without little people."–Sherryll Morton
Featured image by Insecure/HBO
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert