Like most people, I hate feeling stressed even though I work well under pressure. Yes, I am one of those people who often get things done last minute because set schedules do not work for me. I have had plenty of structure, but I need the flexibility to just do me. Though, I don't think I can continue to keep up this level of procrastination. But I promise you I am working on better time management habits. The minute I start to feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm mentally drowning in my to-do list. Fear and doubt begin to slowly dominate my mind as I began to go down a rabbit hole of "what ifs". I'm sure many of you can relate to what I just described.
Parts of me feel like I should no longer feel stressed anymore, after walking away from a six-figure corporate career. I physically removed myself from an environment that no longer served me or my purpose. I finally reached a place of happiness and peace too. And the life I am creating now is completely under my control. At least, that's what I tell myself.
But now that I am self-employed, managing my personal life, family, friends, and my craft seemed to get a whole lot harder. If I don't pre-plan my week, the day will surely run away from me. Other times, I have to give myself grace because there are days where I just can't do it all. As much as I want to believe I am Wonder Woman – I am not.
Thankfully, we now live in a society that supports mental health and well-being. And there are so many different ways to manage your stress. For me, managing my stress looks like anything that I can do to get my mind off what tasks I still need to finish and how much time I have left. Typically, my go-to stress relievers are mindfulness and physical activity. Sometimes, this could also look like enjoying a hot cup of tea that I made. For whatever reason, a warm drink is very soothing to me. Hell, holding the warm cup by itself even makes me feel calm. But let's look at some simple things you can do during your day to minimize stress.
Manage Your Time
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Time management sounds easier than it looks but learning to manage your time looks different for all of us. And for me, time management is currently my number one stressor. I have a bad habit of piling things on my plate and not knowing how to plan my day to succeed. Mainly, because I like my flexibility and I find block scheduling quite stifling. Over the years, I have also learned to prioritize deadlines. Apps like Trello, a daily planner, or calendar can help manage your time. The key is to figure out what time management looks like for you and commit to some form of a schedule. But also realize, it's OK if certain things didn't get done the way you would like. Think about how you can fit whatever that is on the next day. You are not a machine and you shouldn't treat yourself like one either.
Stay Grounded
When I say stay grounded, I am not only referring to breathwork and meditation. I mean connecting with nature. According to an article by Harvard Health, 20 minutes in nature helps lower stress hormone levels. Do you ever stop to notice how you feel when you are outside? Do you pay attention to the colors of the grass, leaves, and flowers? What about how the fresh air feels on your face? How about how the sun feels on your skin? And by all means, if deep breaths and meditation is what gets you through your day, try doing it outside. It's a game-changer. Next time you're feeling stressed, step outside for a few minutes, you'll notice the difference in your energy level.
Get Moving
Physical activity is my all-time favorite stress reliever. It allows me to refocus and clear my mind. Remember, your physical, mental, and emotional well-being are all interconnected and exercise helps all three. But for me, it just can't be any workout. It must be high-impact – boxing, running, plyometrics, jumping rope, or a boot camp style strength training workout. It's the high-intensity workouts for me that give me the out-of-breath feeling that I need to feel a sense of relaxation. Some prefer low-impact workouts like yoga or walking while others enjoy Pilates and Barre classes. But honestly, as long as you're moving your body, that's all that matters.
Take A Break
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Put down your phone, shut down your laptop, and walk away from your workspace. Take a break. Do nothing for 15 to 20 minutes. Your body is good at telling you when you need a break too. The key is learning to listen to your body. The excessive yawns, stiff joints, dry eyes, and back pain? Those are all signs you need a break from whatever it is you are doing. So, next time you feel that pain in your neck while you are working, know that your body is telling you to take a break.
At the end of the day, you know yourself best. At least I hope you do. Self-care practices vary for everyone but do realize the way you choose to manage your stress is just as important as a healthy diet and setting boundaries.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak