I know many of the celibacy sound saints may not be able to relate to this post but I'm sure there are a few out there that aim to honor God with their bodies and are still struggling in the celibacy department.
So, allow me to break the ice by confessing with you where I'm at in my life: I'm single, celibate and I want to have sex – I don't want to wait anymore.
Shocker! I know this isn't what you'll hear from the average Christian however, this isn't your average cookie cutter article either. We get down to the real issues Christians are dealing with in today's world and let's be honest, desiring sex is definitely one of them.
I've been celibate for almost six years. And throughout this journey of purity by way of honoring God with my body, it's been a roller coaster ride. Some seasons, my mind is on a heavenly high while other times my mind wanders to some low, impure places.
Where I'm at right now in my celibacy journey is completely next level. My desires have never been this strong. I want to have sex. Like I crave sex, the intimacy and act of it -- the whole shebang.
For the longest, I tried to suppress these feelings because having these desires are completely against Christian culture. But the more I ignored them, the bigger my cravings got until I finally decided to stop ignoring my feelings and I took my desires to Jesus and laid them at His feet. Because if I can't help me, I know He can.
As Christians, we're taught that sex out of marriage is bad so don't have sex, and that's about how deep we get into the sex talk. Generally, our pastors and spiritual leaders aren't teaching us how to deal with sexual desires while abstaining from sex (because the desires do come) so a lot of the time we end up hiding what we're going through. Which then leads to struggling in silence or succumbing to those desires. That's not healthy and causes bigger trouble. If you sweep crumbs under the rug, it will bring roaches in your home.
The reality is that those who struggle with celibacy but have made the decision to obey God by abstaining from sex, don't want these desires. They (we) want to choose God over the world's way always because we know that His way is the best way.
So, why is it that so many Christians are struggling?
First, let me say that sex is totally NATURAL and it is a part of our DNA to procreate. It is normal to have thoughts about sex. As Christians, I feel like we don't think we can talk about or want sex until we're married, as if sex talk is a sacred language only the married can partake in. But I don't believe that's true.
We should be able to engage in healthy conversations with friends, significant others or our community about sex. Sex talk doesn't have to be profane. There are healthy ways that you can talk about sex, which includes your desires to the ones you're close with.
The more your transparent about your sexual desires, the more empowered you can be to overcome them. Don't be afraid to open up!
Second, we desire sex for a multitude of reasons, such as wanting to be wanted; loneliness and it feels good. As Christians whose main goal is to surrender their lives to God, you need to get to the root of why you're struggling. Are you lonely because you're not spending enough time with God, which leaves space for these desires to take root in your heart? Or do you have some unresolved issues that are preventing you from being able to surrender your body to God? Whatever the reason behind these desires that's causing you to want to have sex, you have to know the why so that you can fight the feeling!
All in all, my goal with this piece is to share with y'all that it is normal to have sexual desires even while being celibate. And it does not make you any less saved because you have these feels. However, as Christians, we should strive to be Christ-like and if your desires don't mirror Christ, don't fall victim to them.
Talk to someone, pray, cut off the things that feed your desires. It's an everyday fight to be pure, but you can do it!
Featured image courtesy of Monique Love
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
