As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Q's story, as told to London Alexaundria.
This was a few years ago. It had to be back in '21 because it was during the pandemic. And I work out, so my body is always sore, and normally, I would go to a chain, like a Massage Envy, for the most part. And I got bored with it. I got bored with changing locations. I got bored with changing the therapists.
And so I said, let me try to find something different. So what I did was, and it was like, later on in that evening. So I was trying to find somebody who do late-night massages outside of Jeju (Atlanta spa) and going that far. And so I did, like a simple Google search, just massage therapists that are open. I found one, and it was Black-owned, and it was in a reasonable amount of time. It wasn't too far, like it was less than 45 minutes from where I am. And I decided to give it a chance.
I wasn't looking for anything in particular except to get a really good deep-tissue massage because I was in a lot of pain, and they were open up until midnight, and so I went ahead and booked. I submitted my down payment, and I showed up. And when I showed up, it looked like it was maybe; I don't know if you want to call them; they could resemble homes, but it's like a plaza, I guess. It's his actual business. And when I went in there, it was clean. It was small and quaint, but it was very clean. No issues. And the massage therapist was very nice; very professional.
DragaonImages/ Getty Images
He broke everything down for me. I told him my areas that I needed attention on, and then he gave me a few minutes just to get undressed. He said, if I'm comfortable, I can just lay on the table. If I would like to be covered up, just go underneath the cover. You don't have to get completely naked. You can keep your undergarments on if that's what you choose to do. But me, no matter where I'm at, no matter what type of massage I'm getting, I just like to be completely naked. And I just laid on top of the table because it was pretty warm in there. Like, it wasn't too cold, it wasn't too hot, it was just right for me. And so once he came in he got everything situated, he got the music playing, and he just gets to going, and he's massaging me on my back.
I opted for a deep tissue, and he's really focusing on my trigger points. And normally, when I get a massage, naturally, I'm relaxed. Naturally, I might get excited. But this time, it was different, and I think it was just because of the way that he really paid attention to my body. And not only was he good at paying attention to it, it had a certain type of sensualness to it. So I guess you can say it reminds you of something similar to a sensual massage therapist that you might see online, like a TikTok or Instagram. So it was something similar to that. So once he finished with my back, and he started going to my lower back and buttocks area, he went into my inner thighs, and he's doing my inner thighs and my calves. And the more he starts working my inner thighs, the more excited I'm getting.
MilanEXPO/ Getty Images
I'm getting super wet, but in my head, I'm thinking, okay, play it cool. Just be professional. Keep it going. But the more he kept going up my inner thighs, the more excited I got, and I know he felt how wet I was. The closer he got to my private area, I slowly open my legs up a little bit more so he can get the idea that I'm okay with him just going all the way through. And if you want to give me a happy ending, I'm okay with that too. But he still took his time, still kept massaging. And the more I opened up my legs, the closer he got, and then he had touched me on my vagina area, and I liked it, and I let out like a sigh.
And so he kept going and going and going. And then he didn't stop until I came. And once I came, he just like... it was nothing. Just kept massaging the rest of my body, and he told me to flip over. And when I flipped over, you know, he did the top portion of my body. He did like my temples on my head. He did my décolletage area, like the chest area. And then he did my legs and my feet, you know, on the top side. But then when he went into my inner thighs again, I get excited again, and he does it again, and so I come again, and after that, I'm completely relaxed, and this man is like, your massage is complete.
And I was just stunned, because I've never had that happen before, but it was amazing. And I said I could do this again. But then I started thinking, does he do this often? Or did he do it just because he knew that I was okay with about opening up my legs a bit more, so he knew that it was okay to keep going in that area. And I really didn't ask him, 'cause deep down inside, I didn't care. I just knew that it was something that I was going to keep with me that way if I want to see him again. I still got him in my back pocket, and I did see him again, but we'll save that for another time.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Casarsa
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
