Do you remember those L'Oreal commercials where different women would say what ethnicities are in their bloodline? Like Beyonce' said, "There's a story behind my skin. It's a mosaic of all the faces before it" and then African-American, Native-American, and French popped up?
If I were to do one of those ads, what would appear is "African, French, German and Native American."
I'm bringing this up simply because when I share something that I learned about Native American culture, you'll be able to connect the dots on why it resonated with me so much.
Yeah, but I'm kind of getting ahead of myself.
Back in college, my late-fiance' shaved my head. Why? He was a man who hailed from the southside of Chi-town who wanted to encourage me to let my soul glow (in the best way possible) by getting rid of my chemically-processed hair. Ever since then, for the most part, my hair has been some variation of short—and natural (well, sometimes there was a texturizer in it).
Fast forward to the present day and now I'm on a journey of trying to grow out my hair for the first time in 20-plus years. What I realize is keeping it short all of that time had partly to do with liking short hair (because it's sexy and dope; I still believe that). But honestly, it was mostly because I never gave my hair the opportunity to grow out.
Why? Because whenever a sistah was stressed out—about a man, a bill…it didn't really matter—I would pull out my clippers and go ham, literally, on my head. Much like how Job (in the Bible) handled his trials by shaving his own head, I realize I was doing the same.
Well, in hindsight, I realize that is what I was doing.
That's where a particular Native American revelation comes in.
Did you know that the main reason why so many Native Americans have long hair is because, to them, it symbolizes spiritual growth? Not only that, but when they cut their hair, it represents either the loss of a loved one or separating oneself from their past? (That sounds a lot like what cutting one's locs can represent for a lot of folks.)
Native American blood runs through my veins. And, what I realize about the relationship I've had with my own hair is that I've been perpetually in a state of mourning/grieving/loss. Now I'm…someplace else. In many ways, just like their long hair symbolizes personal growth from within, I'm ready to appear differently too.
For the record, I'm not saying that short-hair-don't-care doesn't represent strength and evolution. Some of the strongest women I know have a TWA or less. But for me? It's been 20-plus years of looking in the mirror and seeing the same woman going through (some of) the same things. And now that I'm switching it up and doing life differently—I want my physical appearance to reflect that. Mostly, when it comes to my crowning glory.
Plus, growing out my hair is proving to be potently symbolic of my journey. Anyone who has made the commitment to grow out natural hair knows that 1) it's the process of trial and error to find the right products, 2) you have to learn to be consistent in implementing a hair regimen, and 3) more than anything else, patience is key.
Looking back, I realize that a lot of my stress was about NOT putting an effective together a plan, NOT being consistent with following through on said-plan, and NOT being patient with the process of progress. Rather than doing my best and allowing time to honor me for it, I'd get frustrated, shave my head, and start all over—only to end up…stuck.
If you want something different, you've got to do things differently.
These days, I'm learning a lot about self-love, self-care, and growth by putting up the clippers and really nurturing this hair of mine. It's not easy. Sometimes it's uncomfortable. But I'm seeing progress. Internally and externally.
Taking care of my hair and letting nature take its course is reflective of I'm choosing to live life, period.
Not remaining in a continual state of mourning.
Growing, spiritually, instead.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak