I've had gray hair since I was nineteen. One here. Two or three there. Since I turned thirty, those two or three have multiplied and now are visible along my temples, my widow's peak, and sprinkled throughout the crown of my head. There was a time when I was coloring my hair with box color every six weeks to make sure I covered the gray so that I didn't look "old."
When I turned thirty-two, I decided to give up my beloved jet black hair dye to embrace my grays since premature graying is something that has been passed down for generations on my mom's side of the family. She calls it "the Spencer gene" and seeing the gray hair makes me feel like I'm carrying the generation of women before me every day.
I'd always joked about just dying my entire head gray and just getting it over with, so when I saw hair paint wax floating around on Instagram, I was intrigued. Changing the color of my hair hasn't been what's stopped me from taking to plunge, but since my hair is dark and coily, going lighter usually means a lot of maintenance and the possibility of damage. Been there, done that, and have the #tbt pictures to show it.
Been there, done that, and have the #tbt pictures to prove it.
After watching a few YouTube tutorials and taking an IG deep-dive to see how other ladies hair turned out, I went over to Amazon and bought "silver" MOFAJANG wax. To be honest, I was a little nervous. My mind raced (I overthink everything) with questions like, "Will my hair still be on my head after I rinse this off? What is in it?" The Amazon description reads "made from natural ingredients, no scalp irritation, environmentally friendly and no harm to your health."
I guess I'll have to take their word for it.
Bianca Lambert/xoNecole
The product arrived on Sunday. I was going to wait until the weekend to use it just in case I got called in for an audition, but I woke up at 4 am Monday morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I decided it was time to give this hair paint a try. The directions say that your hair should be dry, but I re-wet my hair with my spray bottle and did my hair the same way I'd do my usual wash and go — part my hair in six sections, spray with water, smooth gel on my hair (with prayer hands), then I added the wax on top, and dried it with my diffuser.
It took me an extra few minutes to make sure the hair paint was disputed evenly throughout my hair and the impact on how much time it took me to do my hair was minimal, but it was messy.
I had hair paint on my face, under my arm (No clue how it got there.), on my water bottle, but it all washed right off with water. No scrubbing needed.
Bianca Lambert/xoNecole
Once my hair dried, I loved it. My curls felt the same way it would if I hadn't added the wax to my hair. I wore a black turtleneck that day to see if it would flake off on my clothes, which it did, but it wasn't enough to bother me. It would only flake off when I'd fluff my hair, but other than that there was no transfer. Once it's on, it's on.
The next day, I tried a puff to see how the hair paint would fair beyond day one. Since I needed to spray my hair with water to be able to get it up into a puff, I lost a little of the color at the base of my head in the process, but the color on the ends of my hair stayed intact until I washed it two days later.
Bianca Lambert/xoNecole
I had a lot of fun using this product. It gave me a new look without much effort and without the damage (and cost) of coloring my hair permanently — and it washed right out on wash day.
If you're a natural girl that wants to try something new, I'd highly recommend this. Since it's wax, I'm not sure how it would do on straight hair, but I still think it might be worth a try!
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RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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