In the past couple of years, I've seen a lot of social media buzz about being positive and happy, which is great. However, if you're anything like me, positivity isn't something you grew up around. I didn't know what it meant to manifest and affirm the goals and lifestyle I wanted to obtain for myself. Growing up as a Haitian American, I was always taught to work hard, keep my head down, and do right by people. Speaking life into myself was unheard of.
It wasn't until I got close to my mid-20s that I started experiencing life for myself and began to understand that happiness is my responsibility. I'd dug myself into a black hole of negativity.
After finishing undergrad, I figured life would just jump-start because I did everything I was supposed to do. Wrong. Life looked me in my eyes and said, "It's time to find yourself, and I'm about to drag you through the mud because these lessons will be the testimony that will heal you and others."
At the time, I felt like I was being picked on. I was being hit with challenges left and right. From 2015 to present, I've gone through so many jobs that I've lost count, I've lost loved ones, and I've lost myself. I've even cried myself to sleep. There were times I was unsure if I was even worthy of being alive.
Seriously, how could I be this vessel for others when life keeps kicking my ass? Why would God hurt me like this?
This is going to sound cliché, but it's true what they say: When you're at your lowest---by yourself and desperate for answers---you find yourself. I was forced to look at my journey and dissect each situation. I had to take full responsibility for the part I played in every experience. I had to realize that despite the bad times, I made it through it all and there was always a lesson.
Here's the thing about life, we don't learn the lessons on our time, but the right time. It takes some maturity, self-love, and patience to fully appreciate the trials. Honestly, I was tired of recycled experiences and pain, so I knew from within it was time to make a change. It was time muster up some faith.
It doesn't happen overnight, and I'm not here to sell you a dream. Negativity was and sometimes is still a norm because it's always been my comfort zone. When things didn't go my way, I would lean on negativity to validate that I'm not worthy or some other lame excuse. I realized that to heal and bring the life that I want into fruition, I had to seek help outside of myself. I started going to therapy, which has been a blessing. It was the first time in my life that I didn't feel guilty for sharing my experiences and expressing myself wholeheartedly without judgement.
I had to trick myself into happiness. I know you all have heard the phrase, "Fake it until you make it." Well, manifest it until it's in your physical and spiritual possession. I have several positive apps that send me affirmations daily including Costar, Selfish Babe, The Pattern, and Idillionare. Every morning, I acknowledge my feelings, but I still push myself to start the day with gratitude.
I now find small things to be grateful for throughout the day. I listen to positive music and read books around wellness. I end each day by simply saying thank you.
It takes time to get into this routine, but I promise that you're worth it. Take the time you need to realize your greatness, but please remember that you are extraordinary. You weren't created to be mediocre.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak