Gather around, everyone. I have a story to tell––a modern-day love story.
It was the year 2018 and I was a wreck. I was emotionally drained from a toxic relationship, so I bought myself a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles for a week-long getaway. I was able to shut off my phone, ignore work emails, and simply relax.
While I was there, I met this eccentric woman who could read people's energies with the touch of their hand. When she read mine, she told me that in August I will meet someone who will come into my life and give me the support I needed. Fast forward to a year later, I didn't know that this certain someone would actually appear and we would connect the way that we did. Especially at an inconvenient time.
I met him in August 2019 and we can call him "A".
I could be my complete self around him…
People have told me that I am charismatic and multidimensional. It really depends on the person I'm around at the time. But with "A", it didn't matter. He was able to see all the different sides of me and I didn't shy away from them either.
Not once did he judge me for knowing all the lyrics to College Dropout and can sing every classic Disney song under the sun (off-key, by the way). I like to hear corny jokes and I like to critique movies from start to finish––so did he. I remember when I would have solo dance performances in the middle of any room and he would join me with moves of his own. It was a level of comfort that just came naturally for "A" and me.
He was the friend I wasn't looking for…
Ironically, having mutual friends is how we met in the first place. So, it wasn't difficult for us to be open with each other. We were able to talk about our childhood, secret creative passions, and what we wanted for the future. We also showed up for each other, which was huge for me.
"A" genuinely supported me with my career and my writing. I didn't even ask for him to do that. It was nice to know that whenever one of us felt anxious or doubtful, we would be right there telling the other person, you got this. "A" was the hype man I never knew I needed.
He reintroduced me to intimacy…
I used to associate intimacy with sex. In the past, I was involved with emotionally detached men. So, I was used to dealing with men who, outside of sex, were unaffectionate and always had their guards up. "A" was the opposite. With "A", I was able to be vulnerable with him. I was given the space to enjoy being present with someone no matter what we did.
Whether it was cuddling on the couch, cooking our favorite meal, working out together, etc. There are so many ways to show intimacy that I didn't even realize. I suddenly figured out that true quality time is my perfect ending after a long day of work. Like a calm peaceful landing, "A" felt like home.
He didn't complete me…
When I met "A", I didn't look for ways for him to complete me. I didn't convince myself that he was the answer to all of my problems. People sometimes make the mistake of seeing a friend or partner filling empty voids or bandaging heartbreak. I didn't see "A" that way.
When I looked at "A", I saw a man. A man who was strong, but a man with his own flaws nonetheless. I was aware to not project any of my issues on him and he would do the same. Neither of us was in search of perfection. We accepted each other for who we were as individuals with no pressure or expectations.
But, it was time to focus on me…
Even though I met this great man in August, this specific August was not a time to meet someone new. I was in a season of transition and selfishness. When "A" came along, I had just started a new job, I was going to therapy, newly single, and going back to school. I was in a good mental space.
I told myself that I was going to prioritize this time in my life for unapologetic self-love. I didn't want to jump into another relationship. I just wanted to focus on being committed to me. I made sure "A" didn't take up all of my free time. He wasn't a distraction, but someone I could enjoy life with. I needed to intentionally pour into myself instead of pouring into someone else.
He knew I deserved more…
"A" couldn't give his all to me and I respected that. He was honest about where he was in life and refused to string me along. He spared me from the usual cycle of men being "one foot in and one foot out" in relationships. He knew what my values were and encouraged me not to bend them, not even for him.
Despite how our feelings grew since day one, it wouldn't be fair to either of us to be in a situation we weren't completely ready for. I know for me, I never want to be in a position where I compromise my needs again. "A" knew this and was clear that I deserved to have all my needs met. No one should ever settle for good enough.
It's funny how they say when you find your person it's going to be magical. Where the person sweeps you off your feet. A woman walked into a bar and locked eyes with a man from two tables away. But in this instance, no feet were swept, it was just being at the right place at the wrong time.
I still believe that "A" and I were meant to be, just like that eccentric woman told me. But we all can agree that life is unpredictable. Who knows when "A" and I will cross paths again? Perhaps it's not about if we are ready for love, but if love is ready for us. I'm still learning as we speak. Whether you believe in people telling you the future or that things just happen by chance; people come into our lives on accident and stay on purpose.
So, to the man who inspired this article, if you're reading this, I'm glad you stayed as long as you did. I love you for that.
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The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
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When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
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On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
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Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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