Everyone is entitled to their own life preferences, but it always makes me cringe when I hear women say they do not believe in fostering friendships with other women.
In the instances that I've heard this statement, it is said with pride – as if a badge of honor is somehow bestowed upon those of us who choose to only connect with guy friends.
We justify these prejudicial statements by saying that women are just too messy or always get too jealous. And as I tune in to all the reasons why women choose to shut themselves off to other women, it saddens my soul and begs the question: "Who hurt you, sis?"
All of us have been there before - a little scarred by frenemies and downright mean girls who've chipped away at our trust. Yet, for each of these situations, there are bonds that are rekindled with maturity, reflection that leads to sincere apologies, and an overarching sisterhood that deserves to be embraced more than the stereotypical shade displayed on reality TV shows.
Truth be told, the very essence of my successes is tied to women.
A mother who's made sure I feel like "I ain't seen a ceiling in my whole life." A grandmother who instilled hard work and independence into the fabric of my bones. Elementary friends who guard my heart and protect my mind from the insecurities pushed upon me by society with encouragement and truth. High school buds who are willing to drive to the end of the earth at the drop of a dime to save my butt. A whole crew of law school friends yelling, "Yassss" for every accomplishment.
My girlfriends double as spiritual advisors when I can't find the light in a situation. They are there holding my hand when depression tries to seep into my life.
My girl gang motivates me to connect with my higher purpose, pushing me toward my destiny through encouraging texts and calls. They check me when I am wrong, sympathize with me when I am cramping for dear life, and love me when I'm not even sure I love myself.
And although I'm sure that your best guy friend tries with all his might to do the same things, there is nothing quite empowering as receiving love and affirmation from a woman who walks a similar path as you. She understands why you're so emotional when your dude doesn't get the big deal, knows when you need your leave out adjusted, and has the patience to take five million pictures of you from different angles to make sure you get one good shot.
There is indescribable value in woman to woman relationships that makes us better.
So when I hear that one of my sisters has shut herself off from ever receiving this type of golden bond, it makes my heart ache.
It makes me sad for a moment because she'll never know how having at least one authentic woman to share life's journey with, elevates you like nothing else this world has to offer. She will forever miss the fact that her initial attitude toward the women she encounters begets the negative response she has preconceived in her mind.
She might never realize the growth that comes with recognizing that we often attract relationships that are a mirror reflection of ourselves, or understand that fierce lady friendships start with positivity, an open mind, and the willingness to forgive not so perfect women who are evolving into more.
As women, we are programmed to be intrinsically resilient. Our magic has always been in our ability to dust ourselves off and try again despite the worst circumstances.
We hope, in spite of, for love, inclusion, and mutual respect – determined not to give up regardless of rigor. We are forever pushing the envelope and fighting like hell for the things that are important to us.
Use your resilience to work just as hard to foster love among women.
Understand that sisterly relationships are the fabric that strengthens our cause. It binds us together in ways that make us unstoppable.
Share a smile with someone as they walk through the door. Think positively about the pretty girl that you'd normally deem "boujee" or "stuck up" before ever getting to know them. Give compliments like it's your full-time job. Be intentional about forming valuable bonds with those in your industry, your church, and your PTA meetings.
And, if along the way you bump into a woman who just doesn't get it yet, gracefully love her anyway – choosing not to let her negative reaction ruin it for us all. By doing these things, you will find solace and peace that motivates you to keep elevating so high that you change the climate of the world.
Want more stories like this? Check out these xoNecole related reads:
I Got My Girls: The Best Girlfriend Relationships On TV Today
Why I'm Okay When Certain Friendships In My Life End
The Problem With Allowing Your Friends To Be Your Side Chicks
How To Build A Squad of Empowering Friends
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and Skylar
Cj Hart @hartbreak
Today, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak