I've always been told to never underestimate the power of prayer.
I've been a witness to answered prayers in forms I never would've imagined but I must admit, there were times I felt as though my requests were falling on deaf ears.
One day I came across an image on my Instagram feed that promoted a 30-day prayer challenge. The theme was to pray for someone that we may not have the best relationship with. I had just moved back to St. Louis after graduating from college and the people that I had the luxury of not “having to deal with" while away, were now in my space at any given time. Something prompted me to look more into this prayer challenge, as I wanted to have a stronger prayer life and get rid of the negative energy that I was exerting towards other people. The challenge, included a "30 Day Power Prayer Packet" that helped guide me through the challenge, as well as a scripture, a matching prayer prompt and devotional to assist in writing my prayers for the day. The challenge called for prayer for one person but instead, I chose three people: one being a married couple.
I purchased three cheap binders, two packs of college-ruled loose-leaf paper, and some fancy pens. I'll be honest, the first few days felt more like an assignment that needed to be completed before the day was over as I was filling out three different prayer journals. The journal consisted of me pouring out my emotion about why I felt the way I did about these people and why I wanted it to change--a lot of me admitting my frustration and bitterness of why we couldn't essentially get along and why I wanted to get to the bottom of it. As the days passed and the more I incorporated scriptures about peace and forgiveness into my prayers, the easier it became. I wanted to clear the air and initiate the reconciliation of our relationship.
The creator of The Prayer Project, Saunya Shelise Hudson, created the Prayer Project 30 Day Written Prayer Challenge to help people “push past their normal everyday prayer routine and help them begin praying more focused and specific prayers for others just as people do for themselves."
If taken seriously, there are three things that can be accomplished by participating in the 30-day prayer challenge, and I can attest to this.
Strengthening of your prayer life and your relationship with the Lord.
This challenge held me accountable in reading the word and making sure I was spending much needed time with the Lord. I had been so focused on completing everything I needed to do in order to graduate that my prayer life had been put on the back burner. I still acknowledged Him in the morning and sending up some prayers over my food, but was nowhere near the type of prayer life that I desired to have. Setting aside that time had to be intentional: just like school and work.
It softens your heart to hurt and anger by allowing you to release those burdens to God.
Shifting the focus from self and what's been done to me to how I can intercede on behalf of others was a game changer. By taking the time to concern myself with the problems and burdens of others (not in a worrisome way), it allowed me to shift my focus from anger to actually wanting to see this prayer get answered for someone else. There is power in forgiveness and it is way more than just a word. Forgiveness is a daily act and that intentional pursuit of forgiveness helped soften my heart one day at a time. Besides, staying angry requires too much energy.
“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken."– Psalm 55:22
It helps your attitude toward people improve.
Listen, praying for people whose ways I am not too fond of was and still is one of the hardest things I could ever do. It is much easier to talk down to and complain because that's the first thing my mouth wants to do. Directing the conversation from gossip to prayer helps remove the tension and shifts the atmosphere. The people I chose to pursue this challenge for were people that I had the hardest time with, but as a believer, it is my responsibility to intercede on behalf of others. These individuals were so used to conflict being the theme of our relationship that when my reaction became prayer and peace, it softened their hearts as well. God knows good and well that all these people He put on this earth that we all are not going to get along but He also made it a point to say, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." – Romans 12:18
At the end of the 30 days, I presented the journals to all three parties for their own keeping; All of which were very grateful that I had taken the time to pray for their needs and wants, some of which they never told me directly, but the intensity of the prayers touched on every need they were seeking. It helped me view them in a different light and see that our “conflict" wasn't because we wanted to be in conflict, but largely attributed to what was going on in our lives and how we responded to it. And to be honest, a lot of the conflict came from miscommunication. So many times we assume the intentions of other people and can be completely wrong. Most of the time we are completely wrong. After giving these people the journals, they were able to expound on their current situation so I could understand more and vice versa. I can't say that we all are the best of friends today, but the challenge helped me see past the problems and focus more on mending relationships and reconciliation.
How we react to certain people says a lot more about us than the person we are reacting to. This challenge will provide so much clarity about your self. It really does work.
If you are interested in joining the Prayer Challenge, you can sign up www.aloveperfect.com.
Follow the founder of The Prayer Challenge on IG @Saunyaaa and on FB at The Prayer Project.
Featured image by Getty Images
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
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"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
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"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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