One of the biggest concerns for people who haven't had the opportunity to travel abroad is that they don't think they can afford to, and Oneika who has traveled to over 70 countries has advice that is simple: Sacrifice a few pricey items and materialistic things so that you can experience moments and memories that will last a lifetime.
Playing Mas in the Caribana parade, Toronto, Canada
Dear Necole,
My name is Oneika and my not-so-secret secret is that I'm a travel addict. At the ripe old age of 32 I have traveled to 70 countries on 6 different continents and have lived and worked in France, England, Mexico, and Hong Kong. For too long people have thought that Black folks don't travel. We are out here! Thank you for using your platform to show our people that they can and should go out and see the world.
To be honest, the travel bug bit me a bit late. As a bookworm-ish kid growing up in Toronto, Canada, travel was the furthest thing from my mind. Not to say that I didn't travel at all-- my parents are Jamaican, so we made trips back to the island and also visited family living in various cities in the U.S. But I always felt like trips to faraway destinations like China, Argentina, and South Africa were largely out of my reach. After all, I never saw or heard of anyone who looked like me doing stuff like that, and the books I devoured in my youth rarely featured characters- never mind travelers- who were Black .
Luckily, things changed when I got to college. I remember making friends with two very nice Black girls and discovering that they were heading to Spain and Morocco for Spring Break. I was like, "What?! You can do that?" Flabbergasted, I was immediately forced to challenge my foolish subconscious belief that "we" couldn't travel to places like that. After doing away with such a foolish notion, I applied for, and was accepted to, a year-long study abroad in Nantes, France during my junior year.
It was a life-altering experience: I met people in my dorm who came from countries I never knew existed (Comoros and Chad and Algeria-- former French colonies), and backpacked in Spain and Morocco, just like my two girlfriends had done during Spring Break the year before. A seed had been planted and I was hooked on travel.
The rest, they say, is history. After my study abroad, I knew I was destined for a life on the road. I plotted and schemed and realized that I could sustain myself by teaching abroad. The first year, I moved back to France and taught English as a Foreign Language on the French Riviera; after that, I got a elementary/secondary state teaching credential that allowed me to teach high school English Lit and French in private schools in Mexico, London, England, and Hong Kong, where I am currently working and writing this email from.
Running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.
At the Atacama Desert in Chile
The Atacama Desert, Chile
Travel has been transformative for me and has helped me to learn so much about the world and myself. As a teacher I have over three months of paid vacation every year and I travel during every single break! I have gone on safari in Tanzania, seen the pyramids in Egypt, and taken selfies before majestic sights like Machu Picchu in Peru and the Sydney Opera House in Australia.
I have been to the Taj Mahal at dawn, eaten with locals in Guatemala, and walked along a stretch of the Great Wall of China. I've gone to a dancehall reggae club in Tokyo and run with the bulls in Spain; I've traveled with my mom to Rome and Berlin (she is always up for globetrotting with me!) and even met my husband while teaching in Hong Kong. I have also travelled solo in Chile and Mexico and Belgium, amongst other places. All in all, I have gone through 5 passports and have an infinite amount of memories (and pictures) from these years of travel.
A few of my tips:
- Prioritize your spending. You say you can't afford to travel internationally, but those Louboutins you just bought could have scored you a plane ticket to London. That night out at the club popping bottles? Equivalent to a week of accommodation in Brazil. Point is, you probably *do* have the money for travel, you're just spending it on other things. Monitor your outgoings and allocate savings for your dream trip.
- Travel for less and on someone else's dime. Websites like ThePointsGuy.com help you to accrue and use air miles so you can travel smarter and cheaper. Programs like Vaughn Town and Pueblo Ingles provide free room and board in Spain in exchange for conversing in English with Spaniards eager to learn. There are many ways to make travel more affordable, you just have to look and get creative!
Hanging with Buddhist monks in Bagan, Myanmar
- Seek opportunities to live abroad. If you're still in school, study abroad programs are a great way to facilitate your first international experience, and many of them offer scholarships. If you're finished school, look into programs like the Peace Corps -- they have 3-24 month volunteer opportunities worldwide. Need to make money? Think about getting into teaching. If you're not already a primary or secondary teacher in the U.S., consider getting a TEFL/TESL certification that will allow you to teach English abroad. Already comfortable in your career and hate teaching? Ask your job for a short-term international transfer.
- Just go. Don't let the opportunity to travel pass you by. Don't wait for friends to jump on that plane, train, or automobile with you. Solo travel is sexy: you can do what you want, when you want, and on your own terms. Web-based forums like Couchsurfing have also made it easier to connect with locals when you get to your destination as well. So you're never really alone unless you want to be.
Anyway, I've rambled enough. Bottom line: getting hooked on travel is hands down the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't imagine life without it now!
Thanks again for allowing me to share my story! I've attached some photos of my travels. I write a blog called Oneika the Traveller (www.oneika-the-traveller.com) that chronicles my adventures abroad as well as my tips and tricks for travel. :-)
Best,
Inkier
Bali, Indonesia
Machu Picchu, Peru
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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