Although I can't recall the exact content of sex education back in middle school or the more recent events of high school, I do recall that we did discuss sexually transmitted diseases in depth. Logically so, given that they're viewed as the medieval key hoped to keep chastity on lock. Despite the use of herpes, chlamydia, and HIV as a scare tactic to ward off pre-marital penile to pussy penetration because let's face it -- that's the only thing it's stopping -- the one STI that we hadn't covered was Human Papillomavirus, or HPV. And although my mom had made mention of it and my getting vaccinated, I knew nothing of this virus outside the fact that there was now a vaccine to tame certain strains.
With little awareness of HPV, I never followed up with the second and third shots in the vaccination series -- rendering it useless to my sexual health. Although 13 and sexually active, I never thought twice about going back for those shots or that virus until I contracted HPV in my early twenties (an age range that has been statistically proven to see an influx in the virus). I wouldn't go as far as saying it's nearly as common as a common cold but, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, almost every person who is sexually active will get the virus at some point in their life.
After confirming that I had the virus with a colposcopy, my doctor assured me that this was common amongst women my age. Furthermore, I was not a unicorn being hunted down by a cruel existence but simply that it had to be monitored and would require me coming in twice a year now instead of once until it went away completely. However, the stigma surrounding the term "sexually transmitted" disease, infection, or anything related makes it difficult to hear any of that bedside manner -- particularly when it's happening to you.
Sadly, even now, I feel uninformed about what's going on with my body. Off the top of my head, I couldn't tell you what strain I carry, just that whatever strain I've got raised red flags for the future of my sexual health due to the increased risk of cervical cancer.
In the name of staying educated with my own body and making sure you, my fellow sis, are educated as well here are some important things you should know about HPV. Plus, I reached out to certified Family Medicine MD and General Preventive Medicine Trainee at Johns Hopkins, Dr. Wilnise Jasmin, to be sure we were both getting the best information possible.
What You Need To Know About HPV
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What’s the 411 on HPV?
Dr. Jasmin informs us that "the Human Papillomavirus is a term used to describe a group of over 100 different virus strains." Papilloma is a reference to a type of tumor that is typically benign and "grows in a finger-like projection from a body surface." In fact, Dr. Jasmin adds that papillo is a Latin root word that translates to "finger-like" or "wart-like." While "the Greek suffix -oma means forming tumors or masses."
Getting a call back for a colposcopy, a test where your doctor will examine your cervix, doesn't necessarily mean that you have cancer or warts. It may simply mean that you're carrying strains that put you at high risk of cervical cancer, along with several other types of cancer that include cancer of the mouth, vulva, vagina, penis, or rectum.
HPV Is a Numbers Game
The many various strains of HPV could likely be a featured numerical algorithm in the Matrix, or at least that's the way it feels. Slight exaggeration? You decide for yourself, the known strains of HPV include types: 6, 11, 16, 18, 31, 33, 45, 52, and 58. These are the strains that the current vaccine (9 Valent) works to keep at bay and the ones that we know the most about. Of those, the low risk strains have been identified as type 6 and 11 -- the two associated with and likely the cause of warts. The remaining strains are high risk, one of which I have, and they're linked to the cancers that I mentioned just before we arrived here.
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Don’t Get Caught Slipping
Unlike other sexually transmitted infections, the human papilloma virus is one that has a vaccination to protect us against it or at least a handful of HPV types. This vaccination is known as Gardasil, but it's p.c. name is 9 Valent.
You can get this vac as young as 11-12; in fact Dr. Jasmin says it's recommended that you take your children to get the vaccination according to these CDC standards. For those who have missed that window, don't panic, just schedule an appointment with your physician to get vaccinated! Dr. Jasmin says that the United States Food and Drug Administration upped the age not too long ago, approving women and men from the ages of 27 through 45 to get vaccinated. Previously, the vaccination was only considered for those ranging in ages from 11 to 26.
Dr. Jasmin tells us that even if you've already contracted HPV, it's still recommended that you get the vaccination as it will protect you from the development of a new strain. She further adds:
"All women, men, and gender non-conforming individuals ages 45 and younger should be vaccinated against HPV. If they do not have a primary care provider, they should contact their local or state health department to find a location that is able to provide them with the vaccine. A primary care provider can help ensure that you receive the appropriate screens at the correct intervals based on your individual risk factors."
Being Diagnosed with HPV: Next Steps
If you've already been diagnosed, you should absolutely not freak the f*ck out as I did when my doctor told me I had contracted HPV. Not going to hold you, all I heard was "STI" and the human reaction is to lose it because, like it or not, progression or not, there is still a stigma attached to that acronym. Admittedly, part of that fear and shame comes from not knowing, so here we are...knowing, learning, and growing. The first thing you should know is that HPV usually works itself out within two years, but until then, it's critical that you schedule and attend follow up visits per doctor's orders. Dr. Jasmin refers to this process as "active monitoring", which will allow you and your physician to stay in the know to ensure that the strain doesn't develop into "cancerous tissue." She further states that the earlier we catch these types of new developments, the sooner we can intervene.
Unless, your diagnosis has proven to be symptomatic (warts or cancerous tissue are present), there won't be a treatment and there is no cure -- so it's literally just a waiting game. Even then, Dr. Jasmin warns that while warts and cancerous growths can be removed, they can also reappear, reminding us once more the importance of receiving your screening.
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Speak Up, Sis
Although HPV is common -- actually, the most common STI says Dr. Jasmin, as it is currently infecting 80 million people in the US or one in four -- it is still a venereal disease, meaning that you should tell your partner once your gyni has spotted it.
The caveat here is that it can be difficult to determine the who and when, as in when you initially contracted it and who you contracted it from or possibly spread it to. According to Dr. Jasmin, this has a lot to do with the fact that HPV is so common and also the fact that the symptoms can take years to develop. That said, it's super important to protect ourselves and this includes wrapping it up during oral sex. Female condoms can be a lot, other options include cutting a male condom to provide your partner with protection when going down on you. Here's how.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
STDs: Why You Should Test With Your Partner - Read More
The Day I Learned I Could PrEp Against HIV - Read More
What I Wish Someone Told Me About Having Sex - Read More
Originally published November 11, 2018
Featured image by Getty Images
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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