To me, purchasing a new purse feels like investing in a new relationship.
Even if I don't purchase a handbag, the experience of finding a purse that fits my fun personality is exhilarating - just like it feels when you go on a first date with someone you're really feeling.
The smell of a high quality handbag is as intoxicating as the scent of a well groomed man. The feel of an extra soft handle gives me butterflies, like the first time my crush ever touched my hand. But while selecting a purse is fun and games, I often fall short when it comes to caring for it. I found myself putting the purse that I once loved in the back of my closet. It no longer served a purpose to me. Out of sight, out of mind.
The problem is that when I finally pulled my old purses out of the closet to rekindle what we once had, I fond all kinds of things filthy things inside of it. Money. Buttons that broke off of my favorite chenille sweater. Lint. Cookie crumbs and chicken nuggets from the countless times my son half ate his meal and threw it into my purse because he mistook it for a trash bag.
One time I found spilled baby formula in my purse, and it smelled putrid. Yes, I'm one of the few women in the world who takes zero time cleaning my purses. But I recently learned I'm compromising my health by not cleaning my handbags. Back in 2013, a microbiologist told the Today Show that dirty purses have been known to carry fecal bacteria. Yuck! But life happens, and dirty diapers have been known to find their way inside of mommy's purse. No judgment here.
But still, I should clean my purse more often, and you should too.
Here are a few ways a dirty handbag may be affecting your health:
1. BACTERIA, GERMS & DIARRHEA OH MY!
I've seen my fair share of women who have placed their handbags on floor next to them when using a public restroom. By not going the extra step and putting your handbag on the door hanger located on the back of some public restroom stalls, you could be transferring all kinds of bacteria, including the germs that causes diarrhea, from the public restroom to your own home.
Microbiologist Chuck Gerba talked with ABC News about how the germ transaction goes down in the bathroom stall.
"We found fecal bacteria you normally find on the floor of restroom...We found bacteria that can cause skin infections on the bottom of purses. What's more amazing is the large numbers we find on the bottom of purses, which indicates that they can be picking up a lot of other germs like cold viruses or viruses that cause diarrhea."
Surprisingly, some women said that they weren't worried about the germs on the bottom of their purses because they didn't lick the bottoms of their purses, therefore they didn't feel like they were in danger of getting sick. But Gerba disagrees. He said that whatever touches the bottom of your purse can compromise the things you ingest. For example, imagine putting your purse on your kitchen table, and then later, your kid drops some potato chips on that same table and eats them. Guess whose kid is eating a side of poop germs along with their potato chips? Yours.
2. YOUR PURSE HANDLE IS FILTHY TOO
Purse handles are a haven for germs. Donna Duberg, a professor of biomedical laboratory science at St. Louis University, told revealed to Yahoo! that our hands touch about 300 surfaces every 30 minutes, including desktops, bathroom sinks, restaurant and kitchen counters, and door handles. None of these surfaces are very well cleaned, if you get my drift.
What you're doing when you fail to clean your purse handle without cleaning your hands is transporting bacteria, and the kinds of bacteria that's transporting is alarming. Duberg told Yahoo!,
Germs found in and on purses can include E. coli, a coliform bacterium, which can be a source of food-borne illness; Staph aureus can cause gastrointestinal problems such as vomiting and diarrhea as well as skin infections, and mold spores are everywhere but can stick to the leather and fabric of purses, readily available to cause mild respiratory distress and some of the viruses that cause colds and the flu.
3. CLEANLINESS IS THE BEST WAY TO FIX THIS PROBLEM
The best way to transporting germs on your handbag is to first become an expert hand washer, which includes wiping down your purse handle when you bring your purse into a restroom.
Duberg also suggests that you wash your hands more often. She revealed to Women's Health:
Lathering up will not only help reduce the amount of bacteria you’re putting in and on your bag, but also the amount that you expose yourself to. “Having better hand hygiene breaks the cycle of infection.
How often you clean your purse would depend on your lifestyle. For instance, if you have pets or babies, you may find yourself cleaning your purse more often than a single woman who has more purses than hot dates.
Duberg also suggests that you get into a regular purse cleaning routine to help you fight off those bad germs.
Make cleaning your purse—and everything you carry in it—a weekly practice, suggests Duberg. For leather purses, look for disinfecting wipes that don’t contain bleach or alcohol and wipe down the exterior and interior. Remember to pay special attention to the parts that you touch the most, like handles and straps. As for bags made from cloth, wash them in cool water on a delicate cycle, and add just a bit of baby soap to the machine. This will get the bacteria down to a safer level, says Duberg.
4. CLEAN YOUR COMPACTS, LOTIONS, AND MAKEUP CASES TOO
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You should also clean off the surfaces of the makeup inside of your bag, and put it in a clean, fresh makeup bag during cleaning operations.
Jason Tetro, a microbiologist and author of the best-selling book The Germ Files told Yahoo! that the best makeup cases and compacts are rest havens for germs too. So pull out those Lysol wipes, and get to work.
“Makeup is a great place for bacterial and fungal growth; there are diagnostic tests to find the most harmful species,” said Tetro. Escherichia coli (E. coli), Candida albicans, Pseudomonas aeruginosa, and Aspergillus niger can cause a variety of irritations and possible infections.
5. DON'T FORGET TO CLEAN THE SURFACES OF YOUR KEYS AND YOUR MOBILE PHONE
Think about all of the times where you picked up your car keys or mobile phone knowing that your hands were filthy. Now think about how many times you've actually disinfected your car keys or phone of bacteria.
The truth is that not many people consider the cleaning of car keys or phones very often, which is dangerous. Keys are phones carry just as many germs as a toilet seat. Tetro said,
“Mobile devices were once considered to be low risk...But recent studies have shown that they can become covered with bacteria and viruses, including pathogens that can cause infections, particularly for those with weakened immune systems."
6. DON'T "JUST THROW IT IN YOUR BAG"
Whatever you do, don't put food, used tissues, or shoes in your handbag. Just don't do it. Duberg says that each of these items are moist, and creates the perfect environment for bacteria to grow. The best solution is for you to put food, shoes, and used tissues in its own plastic bag before throwing them in your purse.
Do you have any tips on how you clean your purses? Let us know in the comments below.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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