

As old-school as it might seem, a resume is still your key to letting people know what you offer to the job market. The way you communicate your skills, talents, and experience on paper can make or break landing that dream opportunity. And though many things about the job search have gone digital and the process has gotten quite casual with more jobs transitioning to remote work, a good resume is still a requirement for top companies and brands, even if you're a freelancer or self-employed.
According to a survey by Careerbuilder, one of the leading employment platforms, almost 24% of hiring managers spend less than 30 seconds even looking at a resume and another survey showed that 54% of job seekers don't customize their resume for each employer, leading to the less of a chance of even getting a call for an interview, nevertheless an offer. Also, 75% of recruiters "use some form of recruiting or applicant tracking software," or ATS, according to Capterra, an online business software resource.
Need any more proof that what you include in a resume—and how you include it—is important, sis? Take a look at a few tips for refreshing your resume to get optimal results when job-seeking:
Entry-Level: Your resume includes irrelevant, poorly worded, or hard-to-understand sections or formatting.
There's always the debate about whether or not to include an "objective" or "summary" section, however, if you do include either, experts recommend not only customizing it to truly tell, in a conversational manner, what you bring to the table but tell it in a way that will capture a prospective employer's attention.
Experts at Indeed, an OG job-listing website, suggest staying away from overused words and phrases like "team player," "go-getter," or "detailed-oriented," and replacing such expressions with actual details about your work history that illustrate that you embody those phrases.
For example, what specifically classifies you as a "go-getter"? Were you able to secure 20 new clients in the past 3 years working for a company? Did you start a new initiative that brought in revenue? Say that.
And since many recruiters and hiring managers use ATS, you'll want to be sure that you have a Word doc or rich text version of your resume that can be easily understood and dissected through any system that filters resumes for relevance to the position. The experts say that the ATS has a hard time reading specialized formatting like headers, footers, certain text boxes, and colored ink, so using traditional fonts and spelling out acronyms is recommended.
Entry-level: You're not selling your skills in a way that's dynamic.
You might have little to no traditional job experience, but that doesn't mean your resume should be bland or sparse. A good idea is to redirect focus from what you don't have (i.e. experience) to what you can offer. If you've volunteered, interned, or started your own side gig while unemployed or a student, market the skills you used in doing that, and tell the story as if you're the best person for the job you're going for. Don't downplay the time spent doing those things because your talents are valid and those projects often require skills that are transferable to almost any entry-level position.
Be sure to include information on any special certifications, training, or secondary education you've excelled at. Again, the key is to play up what you do offer, not what you don't.
You were the treasurer for your sorority, raising $2,000 for a benefit, collecting yearly dues, and handling the accounting for events and expenses? Talk about what you did and detail the results. Did you volunteer at a local pet shelter, grooming more than a dozen animals per month? Talk about your time management, animal care, and empathy skills in doing that. Did you intern for a small business owner, taking photos, scheduling Instagram posts, and coordinating Reels? Well, sis, that's a social media manager in the making. Toot your horn!
Mid-level: You're using descriptions that signify amateur or vague results.
Yes, the phrases and words you use in your resume can be a reflection of where you are in your career and your level of expertise. You don't want to give the impression that you're not a competitive match for your mid-level peers. Careerbuilder experts point to survey results that show that 38% of HR pros and recruiters aren't keen on "deal-breaking" phrases like "best of breed," while 26% are not fans of "think outside the box," for example.
Also, if you're using jargon or "industry-speak" that was all the rage back when you were in college in the early 2000s (See what I did there!), you might want to freshen up on your industry's language or even up your skills and training to reflect the times.
As a mid-level professional, you're at a level where you've gained quite a few career receipts, so speak on them boldly and with consideration of today's technology, deliverable expectations, and success metrics.
Get into percentages when you talk about growth, increase, or management of anything, name those brands you've done campaigns for, and talk about the talent you've attracted, mentored, and cultivated. Indeed experts recommend using words like "overhauled," "chaired," "championed," or "strategized" and including a professional title at the top of your resume to describe where you are in your career.
Mid-level: You're taking for granted the soft skills and omitting them.
By the time you've gotten to mid-level status, you might have been so focused on climbing up the ladder and getting results that you forgot about the soft skills that are the foundation of success. What's a soft skill? Well, if you have savvy with communicating with a certain audience, you're a great listener, you're a person people just like to work with, or you're great at connecting folk for lucrative collabs, those are soft skills.
And when you're looking at advancing beyond associate or assistant, it's the soft skills that CEOs look for when filling VP and other executive seats.
How do you express these via your resume? By, again, showing vs. telling. So, for example, adaptability is a key soft skill that leaders look for. Add in how you helped your company transition from an old system to new software or how you managed remote workers while bringing in new talent during the pandemic.
Experienced: You're listing information that's more than a decade old.
When you've worked in your industry for more than 10 years, it can be challenging to edit and omit job experience that you are proud of, but experts recommend that job seekers limit their resume to two pages, even if you have lots of experience. (For some jobs, like government service positions, you might have to submit a longer resume, but that's one of the very few exceptions.)
Experts recommend that seasoned professionals with more than a decade of experience list only what's relevant to the job they're applying for or their most recent experience.
There's no need to include your first job or details on a gig you had 10 years ago, especially if the duties you had aren't applicable to the job you're applying for.
Experienced: You're not highlighting long-term impact, honors, and awards.
Experts also recommend that professionals with more than seven years of experience highlight impact. That means if you were responsible for revenue increases, talent acquisition, business wins, or long-term investment projects, include that. If you were able to create overarching innovation that benefited the company, detail the how and why on that. You want to be concise, but don't downplay the larger successes you've had in your career, especially at your level. High-achievers respect results, so show them what you got!
Whatever stage you are in your career, be sure to plan accordingly in order to land that dream gig. If you have to get professional help, do that, but just be sure to be strategic and smart. It's the only way you'll continue to live in your purpose and advance in it.
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Lawd. Out Of All The Current Dating Trends, 'Floodlighting' Is One Of The Biggest Red Flags.
I remember when I went on my first official date with an ex of mine from back in the day.
Before I decided to do it, I knew that I was attracted to him and that we both had things like poetry, music, and pretty much all things Black culture in common (I also semi-vetted him beforehand because we had some friends in common) — beyond that, though, I didn’t know much. And so, after about 30 minutes into that date, he asked me a particular question, and at the time, I thought that it was beyond thoughtful: “Shellie, what do you look for in a man?”
As I quickly ran down my “Christmas list” of desires, as I came towards the end and then looked him in the eyes (because we were walking), he calmly and simply said, “I can be that.” Chile…CHILE. It took me close to a year of discovering so many cryptic things about him for me to realize that there is a really big difference between what someone “can be” vs. who they actually are — and that oversharing can set you up for dating a character more than a genuine individual. Lesson learned. Lesson freakin’ learned.
I can’t lie, though — when I recently read about a current dating trend known as “floodlighting,” from my own personal experience, that’s probably the closest that I’ve ever come to it. I think it’s because, since I’m so open with damn near everyone and also, since my past pattern has mostly consisted of taking friendships into something more (as opposed to dating people who I barely know), I’ve never really taken the classic floodlighting approach to try and connect with someone else.
I do have clients who have, though — and the trend is concerning enough that I definitely thought that it was worth writing about; mostly as a PSA to not floodlight and also to be cautious if you sense that someone is currently in the process of trying to floodlight you.
And just what do I mean when I say that? Read on, sis. Read on.
Floodlighting. According to Author Brené Brown.
Best-selling author, podcaster, and professor Brené Brown is a pretty popular person. Since quotes are my thing, that’s probably how I “connect” with her most because I like things that she has been credited for saying like “Maybe stories are just data with a soul,” “The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it” and “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
And since self-reflection is such a big part of her platform, it didn’t really surprise me when I found out that she is actually credited for coming up with the term “floodlighting.” It would seem that in her audiobook, The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections, and Courage, she stated this:
“Oversharing? Not vulnerability; I call it floodlighting. ... A lot of times we share too much information as a way to protect us from vulnerability, and here's why.
I'm scared to let you know that I just wrote this article and I'm under total fire for it and people are making fun of me and I'm feeling hurt — the same thing that I told someone in an intimate conversation. So what I do is I floodlight you with it — I don't know you very well or I'm in front of a big group, or it's a story that I haven't processed enough to be sharing with other people — and you immediately respond ‘hands up; push me away’ and I go, ‘See? No one cares about me. No one gives a s*** that I'm hurting. I knew it.'
It's how we protect ourselves from vulnerability. We just engage in a behavior that confirms our fear.”
If that was a bit challenging to follow, what Brené is basically saying is…well, you know how sometimes you will watch a post on social media by someone you don’t know, your first reaction is something like “Ugh. TMI.” and then you may actually say some form of that in their comment section? If others join in with your sentiment, the poster may follow up with a second video about that being why they don’t share their lives — it’s because people only take shots at them for doing so. Yeah, social media? Oh, there is PLENTY of floodlighting that goes on up in there, chile.
Okay, but what would be the strategy for floodlighting if it proves to be such a risky approach to connecting with other people? According to Brené, by sharing too much information about ourselves only to then receive some level of rejection for it — it’s kind of a “hurt you before you hurt me” kind of thing.
Meaning, “I’m not the best at cultivating intimacy and so, if I overshare and you pull back, I can make you be the ‘bad guy’ for rejecting me which makes all of this a test that you failed instead of my choosing to create an authentic connection and owning my part if things don’t end up working out.”
And yes, many people do this because, at the end of the day, they aren’t very comfortable with genuine intimacy. They also do it because they don’t really get that, when it comes to intimacy, another word should be the goal instead of vulnerability anyway.
I’ll explain.
It’s Important to Remember What Vulnerability Means
Ask pretty much any of my clients about what I think about the word “vulnerable” when it comes to marriage and they’ll tell you that I am not a fan. That’s because I lean into being pretty word-literal (as far as original definitions go) and I am aware that vulnerable means things like “capable of or susceptible to being attacked, damaged, or hurt,” “open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.”
And y’all, for the life of me, I don’t know why anyone would choose to vow to spend their lives with an individual who they would need to be vulnerable with because, if your partner is susceptible to damaging you or they leave you open to attack or temptation — does that sound healthy to you? Yeah, me neither.
So, what word do I prefer then? Dependent. And what’s so wild to me is the fact that our culture is so used to the word “vulnerable” that many, even when it comes to their close connections, are far more uncomfortable with the word “dependent” — and boy, ain’t that a damn shame. Dependent is all that I want to be with my intimate dynamics because that’s all about “relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.” — and that is what you should do with your closest friends and definitely who you are in a romantic relationship with.
In fact, if the relationship is solid, it should be interdependent: “mutually dependent; depending on each other.” However, the thing to keep in mind with getting to the point where you can rely on someone is it takes time. While vulnerability, on some levels, can be rushed and semi-forced, dependency is an organic experience that occurs from life simply…happening.
Now keep all of this in mind as we explore how floodlighting reveals itself in a dating situation.
Floodlighting. When It Comes to Dating.
Once I processed floodlighting, as far as dating is concerned, it actually made me think of people who have sex very quickly in the beginning of a relationship. I’m pretty sure that at least 70 percent of us know of someone who has raved about a person who they’ve only gone out on a couple of dates with. However, because they’ve already had sex with them and it was really good, suddenly, they believe that they’ve met the one.
Y’all, it truly can’t be said enough that “an oxytocin high” does not true intimacy make — oh, but because it feels amazing, it can have you out here thinking that something lasting and real has transpired when really, there hasn’t been enough moments shared or experiences had to know that for sure. However, since the sex was rushed, it can cause you to want to speed up the relationship too. It can tempt you to be like, “I mean, if we’re great in bed, surely we will be amazing in other rooms of the house too.” Floodlighting is a lot like this.
If you meet someone and you like the potential of what it could be, you might be tempted to want to, like Brené said in her book: OVERSHARE. It could be oversharing as it relates to some personal traumas that you’ve experienced. It could be oversharing as it relates to intimate details about your past relationships. It could be oversharing as it relates to your mistakes and flaws. It could be oversharing as it relates to your sex life. It could be oversharing as it relates to all of the expectations and demands (along with why) that you have.
The reason for doing this? It could be that you’re hoping the person will take it all in without any pushback which will cause you to believe that you both are immediately on the same page or it could be that you are attempting to fast-track the relationship by believing that if you share all of who you are during date one or two (or even four), they will do the same and — ding — an instant relationship.
See, more than anything else, floodlighting is a test. It’s a bit manipulative. It’s potentially stressful. And, more times than not, it ends up backfiring. And then, if it backfires, because it was a test, you can blame them for not rising up to the occasion.
Please tell me that you get how toxic this all is. For one thing, no one wants to be tested like this. Secondly, it’s unfair to expect someone to be “all in” with a person who they are just getting to know. Third, you have layers to you — all of us do — and it can be overwhelming for someone to be expected to learn, retain, and even accept all of the layers at once. Yeah, one thing that I like about the term floodlighting is it has the word “flood” in it. Water? We’re made up of mostly water, so of course, it’s good for us. Being flooded by water, though? That could harm or even destroy us.
In many ways, trying to force intimacy onto another person…it manifests in a similar way. Of course, you should share what makes you…you. A bit at a time, though, while letting time do its thing. Too much too soon is…exactly that.
How to Cultivate Healthy Intimacy in the Beginning Stages of a Relationship
So, what are some things that you can do to avoid being a floodlighter?
See your intel as privileged information.
Everything about you is special and special things should be earned. That said, as you get to know someone, OVER TIME, you’ll be able to see if they can be trusted with your thoughts, feelings and ultimately your heart — and no, that can’t happen on the first couple of dates. Y’all, it really can’t be said enough that instant chemistry doesn’t mean that intimacy should be expected to happen overnight.
In other words, just because you see the potential for something awesome with another person, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wait to see if the individual’s words and actions, consistently so, can complement the elation that you feel. Share a little. See how they respond. At another time, share a little bit more. See how they react. Rinse and repeat. Patiently and intentionally so.
Stop trying to pull stuff out of people.
There are all kinds of ways to be manipulating and controlling — and deciding that someone should move at your pace in a relationship is a way to be both things. In other words, not everyone is emotionally unavailable or immature simply because they don’t want to share every childhood experience or their relationship stories with you by date three.
No doubt, a lot of people self-sabotage something that could’ve been good because they were rushing someone to move outside of their comfort zone — knowing damn well that they would’ve had a problem with that if the shoe was on the other foot. Chill…what someone wants to tell you, they will. If they don’t? All you can — and should — do is decide if you want to move forward or not. That doesn’t require force on your part to come to that conclusion.
Nervousness is one thing. Being fearful is something else.
If the reason why you’re floodlighting is because you’re scared that people will not accept you or that they will abandon you, it really is best to put dating aside for a season and get into some therapy. Because, while being nervous about a potentially new relationship is completely understandable, being afraid of organic intimacy and then doing things that can hinder or prevent it is something completely different.
Put the tests away.
Listen, if you recall the tests that you took back in school, I have no clue why you’d want to put others through tests now that you’re a big-time adult. Tests are stressful, pressuring and sometimes, no matter how smart you are, you’re not going to perform well on them because you’re simply not a good test-taker (some of y’all will catch that later). There’s no need to “test” someone to see if they can take all of who you are. Again, time will reveal that on its own.
___
Personally, I think that floodlighting is so common that folks don’t even realize that they’re doing it or how problematic it actually is. Hopefully, this helps to shed some light.
Vulnerability tests? Uh-uh.
Seeing if someone can be depended on to care for you as you are? Relax. Time. Will. Reveal.
Now go on your date(s) and have fun. Damn. #winkLet’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
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