Y’all, there is one reason and one reason only why I decided to write about this. I mean, I do hair content fairly often, and so it tracks that I would tackle this topic at some point. However, my actual reason for pitching it is because if you happen to be a full-time naturalista like I am, when you’re trying to maintain your own hair’s curl texture and pattern, and you find yourself getting frustrated, it’s important to keep in mind that oftentimes you simply need to combat what oftentimes goes under the radar: FRIZZ.
Since summer is the time of year when the things that cause frizz to happen are very much in full effect, let’s dive into what causes frizzy hair, along with some super effective ways to combat it. That way, you can have fewer “bad hair days,” and you won’t have to rely on protective styles so much of the time (unless, of course, you want to).
What Causes the Annoyance of Frizz to Begin With?
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You know what’s a trip? Because I have finally mastered how to tame my own frizz, I get that a lot of times, whenever we, as Black women, get frustrated with our hair, we think it’s because of our coils when it’s really because frizz is jacking them up; once the frizzing is under control, suddenly all is right with the world.
How can I be so sure? It’s because of the fact thatfrizz is the reason why our hair cuticles end up not being smooth, and our hair strands end up looking all crazy while being hard to style. And what causes that drama to begin with?Humidity is definitely a top culprit; that’s because when there is moisture in the air, it can cause your cuticles to swell up (just for the record, washing your hair in super-hot water can lead to frizzing becauseit can cause humidity).
Know what else can cause frizz? Anything that dries out your hair, whether it’s heat styling tools, hair dye, or hair products that end up stripping your hair of the hydration that it needs. Why? Because your hair produces natural oils that help to keep your cuticles smooth, and when those oils are lost, that also can wreak some serious havoc on your cuticles and cause your hair to look frizzy instead of curly.
So, you know what this means, right? If you want to have less frizz and more of your natural curl definition, your hair needs more moisture, less heat, and as little hair manipulation (via styling) as possible. The following 10 things can help you out across the board.
1. Go with a Sulfate-Free Shampoo
Some people think thatsulfate shampoo is the devil. I don’t. If you happen to be someone who uses a lot of product on your hair, at some point, you’re gonna need that type of hair cleansing product because it’s able to remove gunk from your tresses like nobody’s business. The key here is to not wash your hair with it all of the time because it really is a lot like detergent is to clothes. Also, definitely follow up with a deeply penetrating deep conditioner (to restore the moisture that was lost). You may also want to go without doing a protein treatment on the days when you use this type of shampoo.
Protein treatments are bomb; however, they tend to be “hard” on your hair enough without sulfates getting into the mix at the same time.
So yeah, outside of trying to clarify your hair, go with a shampoo that is sulfate-free. Something that I’m personally a big fan of is shampoo bars.Etsy has a lot of them that are made with all-natural ingredients. Just go to the site and put “shampoo bars” in the search field to see which ones will meet your hair (and scalp’s) personal needs.
2. Apply a Conditioning Hair Mask on Wash Days
Whenever I write hair articles for the platform, it’s rare when I don’t shout out the importance of deep conditioning; that’s because it’s one of the most effective ways to penetrate your hair shaft with lots of moisture that lasts longer than just a couple of days. What doesn’t get as much attention as it deserves is talking abouthair masks.
Kind of look at them like how a mask works for your skin when you’re getting or giving yourself a facial — it’s an extra pampering step that can do your hair strands a ton of good. Hair masks can do everything from strengthening your hair and reducing damage to soften it and help to prevent frizz.Two other cool things about hair masks are they have a way of protecting your tresses from extreme weather conditions, and they can help to promote a healthier scalp as well.
There are plenty of hair mask options that you can buy. Or, if you’re someone who likes to go the DIY route, you can read up on some homemade recipes that you can tryhere,here, andhere.
3. Use Your Fingers for Detangling/Styling As Much As Possible
When it comes to detangling or even styling your hair, be careful how much you comb and brush it. The main reason why is manipulating your locks too much can cause breakage and split ends, and that can cause your hair to frizz up. That’s why it’s always a good idea to use your hands during the detangling and styling process as much as possible. Oh, and when it comes to detangling, it’s imperative that you use a brush that was specifically designed to do just that. Check out The Strategist’s article, “This Kids’ Detangling Brush Cut My Hair Routine in Half,” for a few options to consider.
4. Dry Your Hair Gently
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If one of the things thatyou struggle with is having a pretty good curl definition when it comes to the middle and ends of your hair, yet not so much as far as your roots are concerned, a part of the reason may be due to how you dry your hair. For one thing, when you’re in the process of towel-drying your locks, the friction from a lot of them can definitely cause your hair frizzing. That’s why it’s always a wise move to go witha microfiber towel; it’s gentle on your hair, hella absorbent, and doesn’t require a lot of “cloth movement” in order for your hair to dry in a good amount of time.
Also, if you’re going to rock a blowout, always use a thermal protectant, go with a blow dryer that doesn’t tend to overheat, and try and let the blow dryer attachment (or your brush or comb) go with your hair’s cuticles in downward strokes (like what you see in this videohere); that way, you’re not raising them unnecessarily.
5. Keep a Leave-In Conditioner Handy
Something that has definitely done wonders for my hair is applying a leave-in conditioner on my wash days and also to my ends (since they are the oldest parts of my hair) at night. Even though I do a deep conditioning practice every wash day, pretty much within about five days, my hair is out here looking for more moisture. Something that helps to replenish it is a leave-in conditioner.
I will apply it before my blowouts on my wash days (because I tend to blow out my hair and then keep it braided up to keep it stretched out until the next wash day), and then I will apply some to my ends about every other evening before bedtime. Yeah, definitely, if you want to keep your hair quenched and your ends from splitting, a leave-in conditioner is gonna help to make both of those things happen for you.
6. Try a Blend of Avocado and Sandalwood Oil for Dry Hair
While checking out a blog on things that cause hair to frizz up, something that was mentioned waselectrostatic repulsion. Long story short, super dry hair apparently gives off a negative charge, and when the dry strands rub against each other, they can cause flyaways and what appears to look like a lot of frizz. Again, as someone whose hair can’t get enough moisture, I’m constantly on the quest to find things that will keep it hydrated, in part, to keep frizz from becoming an issue. One combo that works well is avocado oil and sandalwood oil.
Avocado oil is great for dry hair because it contains magnesium and biotin (to strengthen your hair), it has properties that will add sheen, it will help to define your curls, and it definitely reduces dryness (to your scalp included). Sandalwood is effective because not only does ithelp you to grow longer hair, but it also helps tokeep your ends from drying out — and since, again, your ends are always going to be the oldest parts of your hair, that is definitely a win.
I like to mix two tablespoons of avocado with a few drops of sandalwood essential oil, heat it up, and apply it as a hot oil treatment on wash days from time to time. It's also pretty bomb if you want to use a small amount as a massage oil for your scalp; since avocado oil isn’t super greasy, you don’t have to worry a lot about residue or build-up.
7. Experiment with Moroccan Argan Oil to Smooth Your Cuticles
Argan oil is something that my hair has never really been able to gel very well with. I wish it did, though, because I am constantly seeing articles like Vogue’s “Why Argan Oil Is Considered 'The Liquid Gold' of Hair Care.” Aside from the fact that it’s loaded with vitamins D and E, argan oil contains anti-inflammatory properties and helps to treat dandruff and dry scalp (which aren’t the same thing; check out “Stop Scratching: The Differences Between Dandruff And Dry Scalp;” deeply hydrates; helps to increase elasticity, and it also reduces the chances of your hair developing split ends and breaking off —all of which play a solid role in keeping hair frizz at bay.
8. Honey Can Seal Your Hair Shaft
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I grew up with honey always being in the house, so it’s not like I’m not a fan. Oh, but when I found out that it’s the one food that never expires, it got my respect on a whole ‘nother level, chile. When it comes to your hair, specifically, honey is awesome because it contains properties that promote hair growth, reduce breakage, deeply condition, gently yet effectively cleanse your scalp, and add shine to it, too. Since honey is also a humectant, if your hair is naturally dry, it can keep moisture in your hair longer so that you can keep the curl definition in your hair from frizzing up on you.
One of the best ways to get the most out of honey is to mix a tablespoon (or two) of itwith a half-cup of carrier oil like jojoba (it’s a hair strengthener), sweet almond (it’s a moisturizer that won’t leave much build-up) or argan (it’s filled with antioxidants). Zap it in the microwave for 10-15 seconds, apply it to clean and damp hair for 20-30 minutes; then thoroughly rinse with warm water followed by cool water (to seal your cuticles). You should actually notice an immediate difference in the quality of how your hair both looks and feels if you do.
9. Don’t Be Afraid of Hair Serums
Something that I didn’t get into until far too late (in my opinion) is hair serums. Because they tend to be such a polarizing topic, I always thought that they wouldharden my already naturally dry hair too much to give them a shot. What I have learned is that the key to hair serum success is to take the “less is more” and/or “a little bit goes a long way” approach to them.
When you do that,hair serums can be pretty wonderful for your hair because they contain ingredients that help to boost shine and add definition and, thanks to the silicone that’s in a lot of them, serums are also able to smooth out your cuticles so that you experience less frizz. If you’d like to experiment a bit with hair serums, check out Byrdie’s “The 12 Best Hair Serums That Yield Transformative Results” to see if any of those are able to pique your interest.
10. Keep Those Ends Trimmed
Bad ends are ultimately gonna ruin your hair shaft (because when they split, they don’t stop, they just keep moving upwards). If that isn’t enough of a reason to keep them trimmed, when your ends aren’t even, that’s another reason why your hair may look like it’s frizzing up. Bottom line here — keep your ends trimmed. No one is saying that every six weeks is a cardinal rule.
Just make sure to check your ends on your wash days and, if you notice that they look straggly, feel rougher than the rest of your hair or you have some split ones, at the very least, dust them (check out “Your Ends Are How You Get Length. 10 Things They Desperately Need.” for more on that.). The health of your hair will thank you.Your hair goals will thank you. Frizz will hate you — and that’s a good thing. LOL.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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1 In 4 Men And Women Are Faking It—Science Explains How To Change That
It’s no secret that I can’t stand fake orgasms. There are a billion reasons why — some of which I will get into in just a moment. For now, what I will say is, even if you can rationalize that faking orgasms will “get you out of” the sex that you may be having at the moment, when it comes to long-term satisfaction and benefits, how is faking it really going to get you anywhere? At least anywhere good — which is what you totally and absolutely deserve.
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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