Straight (or straighter) hair, within our community, is a very polarizing conversation right now.On one hand, some women are saying that they are tired of being natural all of the time, so they have returned to relaxers. At the same time, our country is taking note of how potentially damaging the white lye can be and so they are close toputting a ban on some of the ingredients that are in it.
One of my friends recently said, “What would people really do if relaxing their hair was no longer a real option?” I mean, flat ironing and silk presses exist. However, the first thing that came to my mind was that they should do what I’ve been doing for quite some time now — stretching their locks out.
If you get how that’s a viable option yet you’ve never really been fully sold on it because it hasn’t exactly worked out brilliantly for you, this article might be of interest to you. Why do I say that? Because something tells me that it’s not so much the method that may be the challenge — it just might be your approach.
Read on, and let’s see.
Why Should You Stretch Your Hair Out, Anyway?
*le sigh* Even though I am well aware of the fact that some people in the natural hair world frown upon stretching natural hair because, in their eyes, it’s a form of low-key self-hatred because they think it means that we’re not happy with our unstretched curly texture — I absolutely do not subscribe to any of that. As someone with a hybrid of 4a and 4b hair, I actually like the texture that comes from my hair being unstretched (especially now that I’ve finally found the products that complement my curls the most!).
For me, stretching my hair is about using it as a way to keep the damage down that comes with day-to-day styling (when it’s not in a protective style, of course). After all, it’s been proven that when natural hair is stretched, that decreases detangling issues, fairy knot problems, and applying unnecessary pressure on your hair to the point where it leads to potential breakage.
Plus, if you’re someone who struggles with keeping all of your strands — from the roots to the ends — fully moisturized, stretching your tresses can make that a lot easier to do, too.
So, if someone tries to heckle or debate you on why stretching natural hair should be an option, share this article with them. If they choose not to see all of these points as valid, they are intentionally choosing not to, chile.
The Various Ways to Stretch Your Hair Out
Something that’s really cool about hair stretching is there are several approaches that you can take to doing it. The following technically eight are the most popular and, honestly, the safest when it comes to protecting the integrity of your locks.
Blowout. I’m a huge fan of blowouts. Even though they sometimes get a bad rap, I’m not someone who thinks that heat is not our friend. It’s all about making sure your hair has its proper moisture, that you apply a thermal heat protectant, and that you use a blow dryer that doesn’t zap your hair of hydration or damage your strands (you can read about thathere and watch a video on the topichere). A blowout is not only one of the quickest and longer-lasting ways to stretch your hair, but it can also make some of the other stretch methods so much easier to do.
Cornrows. My hair is stretched out most of the time. What I will do on wash days is blow out my hair (if you want to reduce the potential for damage, make sure that your tresses are at least 50 percent dry before doing so), and then I will put my hair in cornrows at night (or underneath a headwrap). Not only do cornrows help to keep my stretched hair without the need for heat, but they are also a really cute style if you want to keep your hair stretched and your ends tucked at the same time.
Bantu knots. Personally, I’ve always liked the fact thatBantu knots hail from central and South Africa. A part of the reason why I dig it is because I know that Zulu means “of/from the heavens” (or a variation of that like “sky”). Anyway, something that is awesome about Bantu knots is you can wear the knots as a hairstyle and then take them down and use the results as a heat-free way to obtain stretched-out hair.
Braid-outs or (African)twist-outs. A common form of stretching out your natural texture of curls without straightening them all the way is to do a braid-out or a twist-out. These consist of applying product to your hair (usually while it’s still wet or damp) in sections as small as you want your wavy look to be. Then, you braid or twist each section, allow your hair to dry completely, and unravel each braid or curl with your fingers. While I’m on this one, hands down, the best cream that I’ve come across to achieve this look isTaliah Waajid Curly Curl Cream. It’ll change y’all life, chile. No exaggeration!
Banding orthreading. Banding is something that I’ve only tried a couple of times; it does work, though. If you’re not familiar, it’s all about using hair ties along sections of your hair in order to stretch your hair as you let it dry (preferably air dry). Threading (more specifically,African threading) is actually seen as a protective style and a way to stretch your hair by using black thread (or any color you wish, actually) to wrap the sections of your hair from the root down to the ends.
Roller sets. Putting your hair in rollers after washing and (deep) conditioning it is another way to stretch your hair out. For this, some people use traditional rollers, while others opt forspiral curlers. The main thing to remember with this method is, that if you want to reduce frizzing, you definitely should apply a setting lotion first. And please make sure that your ends are wrapped well. Ain’t nothin’ like some curls that have straight ends. Ugh. And SMDH.
5 Hair Stretching Hacks That Can Get You the Results You Want
Okay, so now that we’ve unpacked what hair stretching is and some of the most popular ways that you can go about stretching out your own tresses, let me get into some things that, if you’re not doing them, could prevent you from getting the results that you’ve been looking for. Ready?
1. Make sure your hair has protein and (high) moisture. When you decide to stretch your hair, you are pulling on your hair strands; there’s no way around the fact that, if you’re not careful, that type of manipulation could lead to breakage. That’s why it’s important that yougive your hair a protein treatment approximately every 4-6 weeks and that you deep condition your hair on every wash day. Protein will help to keep your hair strong. Hydration will help your hair to have elasticity and reduce frizz.
2. Keep heat to a minimum. Again, for the skeptics in the back, I am absolutely not the person who is anti-heat. Honestly, back when I was trying to be like the YouTube naturalistas and go without any at all, that is when I was having the most trouble with styling my hair. For me, what has worked is blowing my hair out on wash days to stretch it and then keeping my hair in some sort of cornrow style whenever I’m not wearing my hair out. In between wash days (which is like every 11-21 days), I might apply heat once more, and that’s it.
The moral to the story here: whatever stretching method you decide to go with, the less heat, the better because your hair needs to maintain as much moisture as possible and heat has a way of zapping it off that.
3. Baby your ends. Something that I really had to learn the hard way was that if I wanted to get some real length retention, I needed to be super intentional about giving my ends some TLC on a consistent basis. This includes keeping your ends even (whether that’s by cutting, trimming, or, my personal favorite,dusting), moisturized (I try and apply a bit of leave-in conditioner to my ends every night), and sealing them on wash days (you can learn more about how to do thathere).
Please hear me loud and clear when I say that if you omit this, you will struggle with getting (or maintaining) inches because if your edges aren’t in good shape, they will probably snap off or turn into split ends if you keep stretching them out (because they will either become too dry or too weak).
4. Use hair stretching products. Out of all of the things that I’ve said thus far, hands down, the biggest “mistake” that (many) people make when they set out to stretch out their hair is they don’t consider applying products that are specifically designed to help them out in that department. For instance, one of my absolute faves is COLOR WOW’s Dream Coat. Although I used to think it was for “them” (LOL), it actually works really well on “us” too as a straightening serum and anti-frizz spray.
A few others that I have tried that have given humidity a finger as far as frizz goes includeNexxus's Ultralight Smooth Hair Serum,L’Oreal’s Paris Blow Dry Primer, andNexxus’s Smooth & Full Blow Dry Balm. Although there are PLENTY of others out here, those are the ones that I can personally vouch for that help to smooth out your cuticles, keep your hair manageable, and are able to “weigh your strands down” a bit, so that you’re able to stretch your hair out with ease and maintain the look for much longer than without any product use at all.
5. Remember that “the excess of a virtue is a vice.” Probably, for the rest of my life, one of my favorite quotes will be an Aristotle one that basically says that the excess of a virtue is a vice. What that boils down to is even good things done in excess can ultimately end up working against you in the long run. Keeping that very valid point in mind, even if you are a fan of stretching your hair, just make sure that you are manipulating your hair as little as possible, and sometimes you do give it a break with some protective styling or awash ‘n go.
That way, your hair will remain strong in between stretches — so that the “elongated look” will always be both beautiful and hair-beneficial as well. Happy stretching, sis!
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak