I've witnessed some of the most elaborate schemes both men and women have undergone in order to shoot their shot at a potential love interest. Detailed research, consistent DMs, songs dedicated in their honor, and even cut-to-the-chase declarations of love. With so many outlets encouraging us to shoot our shots in order to find the "one", why can't we shoot shots in order to secure the bag?
According to a 2003 psychology study by Joyce Ehrlinger and Justin Kruger measuring perceived competence and assertiveness, women on average rated themselves a 6.5 out of 10, whereas men gave themselves a 7.6. In all areas tested in the study, men overestimated their abilities and performance, whereas women underestimated themselves despite similar rates of accuracy. Due to institutional and historic inequalities further impacting women of color in comparison to their white counterparts, it would not be surprising if research showed lower rates of perceived competence for WOC.
Lack of confidence in ourselves can manifest in lower recognition, compensation, and promotion rates, which is completely unacceptable when we put in the same amount of work – if not more.
Doom and gloom aside: Don't be your biggest obstacle. As said by Wayne Gretzky: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." In other words, you are guaranteed failure unless you try. Stick your hand out, introduce yourself, go after that promotion, be ass(HER)tive.
Here are 5 tips to help you shoot your professional shot.
Work Backwards
Have you ever looked up to a particular person and thought they were the ultimate definition of your #goals? A great tip is to research their profile from start to finish and see what steps are attainable within your own life.
Say your professional idol is Michelle Obama. From researching her profile, you will learn that she majored in Sociology, was involved in a number of multicultural organizations during college, received amazing grades, attended a top law school, worked at a law top firm, had local organizing experience, worked with non-profits, etc. From the top looking down, we see "Michelle: the BOSS First Lady" but not "Michelle: the local organizer and non-profit executive director". She too was once a hustling 20- and 30-something.
Find bits and pieces that are possible for you at this stage and build from the ground up. Cast a wide net and pursue people and apply for opportunities that will help you build a strong profile over time.
Attend Conferences & Speaking Engagements
The same way a bar or social event might bring together people you might click with on a romantic level, conferences and speaking engagements bring together a wide group of potential career matches. Go to conferences not only with the intent to learn something new from the outlined agenda but with the intent to network with attendees and presenters. You never know what opportunities may be of interest to you at a later time in your life or who might be able to connect you with your dream job. Take notes, bring business cards, send LinkedIn requests, and view every contact as a potential opportunity. Your network = Your net worth.
Related: Why Investing In Conferences Is Important For Women Leveling Up
Reach Out to Mutual Friends Within Your Professional Network
Even 2-5 years out of your first job, you have former friends and colleagues who have spread out across the country and onto schools and opportunities that you may now be interested in. If you are about to apply for a position that your former classmate is now the head of, shoot her a quick email. If your neighbor's cousin works for the university you are about to apply to for graduate school, simply ask if she knows anyone that can advise you about the application process. Your former boss moved on to a create a business venture you're interested in, ask if she can take 10 mins one evening to review your business plan. Don't leave the low hanging fruit unpicked – secure every small win you have within your grasp.
Related: The Introverted Girl's Guide to Office Networking
Send Coffee Chat Invites & Thank You Emails
I'll never forget the one time I sent a coffee chat invite to the global head of my department... and he responded in seconds. Upon meeting with him, he went on to tell me how few meeting requests he receives from interns and how he loves learning from junior employees. I was shook. Little did he know that the 15 minutes before I sent the email, I deleted and rewrote it 10 times, fearful that I was being "too forward" and overstepping my role. I could have missed out on a major opportunity. After our coffee chat, I sent him a short, genuine thank you note and he went on to greet me by name for the rest of the summer. Long story short: closed mouths don't get fed. The worst that can happen is your desired contact doesn't respond, and even then, you can send a follow-up note. Put your best foot forward and hope for the best.
Related: 'Pick Your Brain Over Coffee' -- Is It The Best Approach?
Have Your Elevator Pitch Ready
Even CEOs have to take the elevator or grab a quick bite to eat. Don't corner them or be too forward, but definitely introduce yourself and directly articulate your request and add value if you run into someone you want to connect with professionally. A strong elevator pitch has the following components: captures attention, is clear and concise, provides value or proof of results, has a call to action, and comes across as natural. It takes practice, but at the right moment, it can be a game-changer.
Remember:Rejection is not a dead end – persistence and self-confidence are key. Don't stop until you get that "yes" that makes everything worth it.
Featured image by AllGo - An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash
RELATED
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert