It's well known that successful people are intentional in how they set out goals for their day, month, or year, so planning ahead to reach your career goals in order to advance professionally is a must. Whenever it's time to do anything, I'm a big fan of starting with my "why" and moving forward from there. And in putting on my coaching cap here (I mean, I guess I should put that master's degree into use), the major "why" starts with a line of open-ended questioning---a fun exercise in reflection and honesty with yourself.
Whether career advancement means a promotion, a total change, a jump into entrepreneurship, a salary increase, or taking a total break from the hustle altogether, you can come to a few great realizations and learn how to set and achieve career goals for 2024 by asking the following questions:
1. What aspects of my current work make me feel motivated, happy, and accomplished?
For me, this question allows me to not only think positively about the next steps in my career but to ensure that the work I'm doing aligns with my values. I like to feel accomplished and challenged in my work. I'm also motivated by doing acts of service and building a certain quality of life. I think of these things when I consider my career development and advancement.
Write down what you love about the work you do, what tasks are your favorite, and how your work makes you feel. Are you into moving up the ladder or being of support to leadership? Are you great at administrative tasks but hate public speaking?
Are you more passionate about being the visionary versus handling tedious tasks? Are you more into working from a corporate or home office, or do you like being out in the field or working hands-on with people or things? What is your standard when it comes to feeling accomplished, and how does your industry measure success, results, or impact? Does success tie directly into how much you earn a year? These are just examples of the secondary questions you must ask yourself to assess what keeps you going and makes you tick when it comes to a career.
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2. What is my current standing or status in my industry?
It's always good to assess where you currently are in order to know where you're going. And keep it real with yourself. Take a look at your resume and the reality of your job duties, what you actually do from day to day, where you work, and how you've been an asset to a company or industry. What were your sales last year? What projects did you lead that met deliverables? How have you positively impacted the life of someone else as part of your job? What was your attendance like? What's your current salary? Did you get promoted? Why or why not?
Take into account the feedback---constructive criticism, praise, or "bad"--- that you've gotten in your performance reviews, from your managers, or from your coworkers. Also, consider your education and training, whether it's traditional or learned through experience.
Are you at the epicenter of excellence and healthy competition when it comes to reaching the highest levels in your industry (related to location, market, or company)? Are you making the impact you want in terms of the number of people you serve and the types of clients you work with?
If there are areas of improvement, such as communication, time management, leadership, or soft skills, write those down as well. You want a full picture of who you are as a professional in order to map out where you need to go from there.
3. What aspects about my current work do I totally hate?
The answer to this one can come easy for many of us, as oftentimes, we are very clear on what we don't like about our jobs or careers. (That's a major reason I didn't make this the No. 1 question.) And even if you totally love your job, there are always some aspects that aren't as enjoyable as others. Write down the tasks, office culture nuances, and other things related to your daily or monthly work life.
Do you hate going into an actual office? Does the company's way of doing business clash with your values or what you believe to be a better way? Is your company not quite a good fit for working parents or diverse professionals? Are you finding yourself becoming smarter and more efficient than your boss? Do you cringe about the tasks associated with managing people or processes?
Again, get real about this so that you can plan accordingly in terms of changing jobs, and careers, or simply shifting your perspective and approach if your job is one you want to remain at but you don't enjoy the grunt work of it.
This question is also a good way to find out what you want to do when you're utterly clueless about that as well. Maybe you're in a rut or still figuring things out when it comes to what you'll do for a living, so figuring out what you definitely don't want to do will help lead you to what you do.
4. Considering my lifestyle, triggers, and way of thinking, what method of goal-setting serves me and will realistically work?
Many coaches tout the benefits of setting S.M.A.R.T. goals, but that's not the only method you can use to set goals and stick to them. I'm a big fan of the HARD method (which stands for heartfelt, animated, required, difficult) because it's more along the lines of how I think, how I work, and how I process goals with the consideration of my obstacle triggers (i.e. people and things that lead to procrastination, heightened anxiety, or waning determination).
I find the SMART technique to be formulaic, strict, and quite boring, so I'm less inclined to meet my goals because I don't feel the passion or excitement to do so. (That's not to say it doesn't work. Again, this is based on the person and what motivates them to follow through on a process of setting goals.)
There are other methods for setting goals, including OKR (objectives and key results), micro goals (setting multiple smaller goals versus one larger goal), or backward goals (starting from the outcome and planning backward from there based on what that end goal entails).
With any technique, you'll need to come to some sense of clarity about where you want to go (or at least how you want your work life to look in 2024 or beyond) and be able to hold yourself accountable by setting deadlines or measurable targets to hit within setting the goal. There might be changes you need to make, additional classes or training you need to get, or maybe even relocation in store, but you won't know until you actually map out using some sort of technique that can organize your thoughts and plan of action.
5. What resources do I need that contribute to career fulfillment and the quality of life I want?
Another commonality among the successful is the fact that they have a tribe, and they don't achieve success alone. It takes community and resources in order to advance. Write down what resources you might need and how you can tap into those resources in order to meet some of the goals you've set using the methods mentioned previously.
How can you get a mentor? Do you need to go back to school or get more education? Are you able to intern, volunteer, or position yourself for certain projects at your current job in order to gain experience? If you're considering entrepreneurship, what grants or programs can you apply for in order to be a success, get funding, or transition from your 9-to-5?
What financial, time, or personal support will you need from family, friends, and colleagues in order to reach your goals? What expenses (and yes, time and your talent are expenses) can you cover in order to reach those goals (i.e., tuition, extra time after work, volunteer hours, or mental focus)? Consider all resources and possibilities, even if you deem them impossible or unreachable.
While there might be very real systemic and societal barriers to accessing resources for career development and advancement--- especially for Black women---there are resources that you can tap into. Add hard work, research, reliance on your network, use of your unique skills, and an attitude that nobody can stop you, and you've got a prosperous plan for career success in the new year.
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The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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