First and foremost, I'm not sure who needs to read this but this past year should not be the reason why you've decided to lower your goals or not set any at all for the one that's coming. Now more than ever, we realize how nothing should be taken for granted, how unpredictable life is, let alone how little control we have over it. All of which can be scary.
Yet, looking at the bright side of the current situation we live in, I believe that this year can also be seen as evidence that anything, literally anything, can happen.
Everything is possible and that, my dear, if you put the right strategy in place, includes fulfilling your goals and dreams—regardless of the circumstances. Speaking of strategy, among other things, mine includes creating a vision board. Not the usual type of vision board, though. An upgraded version—more effective.
The Original Vision Board: What Is It & How To Make One
In case you're being introduced to the concept for the first time through this article, a vision board is a collage of words and images—and anything else you'd like to add to it—that mirror one's aspirations and desires: a flat stomach, a new car, a career in acting, building a home and family... It's a law of attraction technique commonly used at the beginning of a new year destined to help you achieve any of your goals through inspiration, motivation, and most importantly, visualization. Vision boards have proven to be extremely powerful; numerous success stories can be found on YouTube.
Back in the day, creating a vision board was simple. All it required was a few supplies—a pair of scissors, a stick of glue or double tape, some pens and Sharpies, several of your favorite magazines from which you'd crop words and images, and finally, a blank canvas to decorate with those. Add to that two to three hours of your time, and you've got yourself a vision board.
But as the concept started gaining more popularity, people began adding their own twists to the creation process, like using different physical mediums, printing their own images...even adding more rules to follow to make sure manifestation occurs, which requires much more intentional work.
With that being said, not enough work for me. At least not anymore.
Let me explain.
How To Take Your Vision Board To The Next Level
Writer Savannah Taïder for xoNecole
I've been making this kind of collage for five years now, diligently applying every tip and trick that I'd come across over time. I was able to witness a lot of my goals manifestst, but I deeply believe more of my dreams could've come to life if it wasn't because of this one flaw vision boards have.
Indeed, I've noticed that once our vision boards are completed, all we can do is think back on them and reflect. In the very beginning of the year, it's something that we do every day. Yet after a while, even if we make sure to display them in a strategic place in our homes, eventually we don't see them anymore; and if we ever take a look in their direction, it's rarely on purpose.
If that doesn't f*ck up the entire manifestation process in itself, it certainly slows it down a whole lot because how are we supposed to manifest the things that don't even hold our attention?
Recently, as I was scrolling down my Twitter timeline, I found myself very inspired by one of my friends' goal-crushing tips. In her tweet, she was briefly breaking down the strategy that she's going to use to achieve her goals in 2021. The latter turns out to be super simple: create a to-do list for every goal pictured on her vision board. Talk about a brilliant idea.
If you want to ensure that your vision board works its magic all year long and beyond, take it to the next level by following this step-by-step guide:
Step 1: Define Your Vision
I've been debating whether I should make this part the first or second step for a good minute until I finally opted for the former. Indeed, as mentioned earlier, vision boards shouldn't just be random artistic collages. In order to work, they must be created with a lot of intention. Therefore, I believe that before partaking in such an activity, we must have a clear, well-defined vision of our desires.
For some reason, this step is the longest and most complicated part of the process. As easy as daydreaming about the life we long for can be, when it comes to taking our fantasies seriously and believing that we can, it can get a bit intimidating. Some people can barely tell what they want in life. If this is your case, here's a short list of questions that should help you figure it out:
- What are the things you enjoy? What are your passions?
- What makes you feel alive?
- What would you like to try that you've never tried before?
- If you had no limits, what would you like to achieve?
- What's the meaning behind the things that you want to manifest? Do they have meaning to you or someone else?
- What truly brings you a sense of purpose?
- What are the things that you need?
- How hard are you willing to work to fulfill your dreams?
- What are the dreams you doubt your ability to fulfill but are willing to let God or the Universe help you with?
- What would your six-year-old self want to see you do? Who would she want you to be?
If I can give you one piece of advice, when defining your vision, "never downgrade it to fit your reality." As Stuart Scott once said, "Upgrade your convictions to match your destiny."
Step 2: Gather Your Supplies
Writer Savannah Taïder for xoNecole
The list of materials you'll need is pretty much what you would need for the original vision board. Except, for this upgraded version, you will also look for images in places other than magazines—that is to say the Internet, so you can add a printer to the list—and we will trade the board for a refillable journal or a planner binder. The decision for dimensions (A4, A5...) is yours to make. The purpose of using such kind of medium is to make you able to 1) carry your vision board everywhere with you and 2) move or add pages when necessary.
As far as images, because precision is key when manifesting, you don't want to limit your possibilities to find exact representations of your vision by searching magazines only. If the intention is to manifest a trip to the Giraffe Manor in Kenya, characterizing this goal by the portrait of a woman boarding a plane because that's the most accurate image you were able to find inside of a magazine isn't the way to do it.
Search Google or your favorite social media platforms. Most of the time, they will provide you with the exact pictures that you need. Moreover, if you happen to be Photoshop- or Canva-savvy, do not hesitate to create your own images and add yourself to them—just like you should put a photo of yourself at the center of your vision board as well.
Step 3: Set Up Your Journal
The latter will be divided into two main sections. This is not a requirement but I suggest using dividers for better organization. The first section will serve as an introduction and an overview of your vision as a whole. Following the same order, it should contain:
- An overall vision board: Use two facing pages or more to glue all the visual materials that you've collected.
- A list of all your goals: Although images speak louder than words, they might not always say the right things. Writing down a list of your goals will help maintain your focus on what the real intention is as well as keep track of the things that you've accomplished.
- An About Me page: Your About Me page is a journal prompt that should be taken very seriously. This self-introduction must be written as though you're already living your best life, using the present tense and positive words only. Who are you becoming as you're fulfilling all your dreams? What state of mind are you in? What opportunities are coming your way? What are you letting go of? This technique is called scripting, manifesting through written affirmations.
Writer Savannah Taïder for xoNecole
The second section is meant for you to concentrate on each one of your goals individually and hold you accountable. This is where the vision board that was initially just a piece of art on the wall becomes a real (daily or almost) manifestation exercise. Again, it's best to use dividers for clarity purposes. For example, you can divide this section to suit every area of life you've set yourself goals for love and relationships, health, career, passions, etc. Then for each goal, you must:
- Create a more specific vision board: The first vision board that you made was an overall one. It was a general representation of your vision. Now, you must create individual vision boards specific to each goal to narrow down your vision and make it even more accurate. For example, let's say that you put a house on your overall vision board because your desire is to acquire your first property. This means that the vision board related to this goal should contain pictures of the furniture that you want, kitchen or bathroom designs, bedroom arrangements, etc.
- Write down your why: Speaking from experience, I can tell you that whenever you feel like giving up, your why is the only thing that will keep you going. Write it down on a page corner close to your goals as a motivational reminder.
- Develop your game plan: How do you plan to accomplish your goals? What actions do you need to take? Did you set yourself a deadline? This is where a to-do list and a schedule come in handy. Both will hold you accountable and make your life easier. The best way to accomplish a huge task is by breaking it down into smaller ones. The best way to prevent procrastination is to establish a calendar.
- Be mindful of your struggles and fears: Along the way, you'll experience some struggles and sometimes be pushed to the edge of fear. You'll see that the journey to achieving a goal rarely is a peaceful one. It comes with tons of setbacks and bumps in the road. When this happens, it's tempting to want to back out. Don't. Instead, try to be mindful of what your fears and struggles are; list them down in your journal, and study them until you get a grip on them. Once it's done, create another list this time made of affirmations and solutions to overcome your hardships. Refer to those whenever you feel stuck.
- Journal your journey: This one is a bonus in case you enjoy writing and find documenting your life exciting. Who knows, maybe someday you can turn it into a novel or a memoir. Or use it on your lowest days to remind yourself of how powerful you are.
I believe it's important to wrap up this step-by-step guide to creating a vision board by telling you this: It's possible that your vision doesn't manifest exactly as you want it to or takes more time than initially planned to do so.
While the achievement of your goals mostly depends on you, I also think that God and the Universe have their say—if not the final say, period. With that being said, it's crucial to remain positive about your goals at all times. Learn the lessons they're supposed to teach you and trust that everything happens when it needs to happen and the way it needs to happen.
Furthermore, if your goals don't manifest within the different timeframes that you've set for each, it's not necessarily a sign that your vision board is dysfunctional. Some of my goals that I displayed on my 2017 vision board manifested no later than 2019.
Sometimes the seeds that you plant require more time than you think to break the ground. Keep watering them anyway.
My last piece of advice would be to keep all the vision boards and journals that you've worked on in a safe place. You never really know when your dreams will become reality. But when they do, it feels magical to be able to look back and say "I finally made it."
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The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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Friendship break-ups are hard — hell, sometimes even flat-out devastating. There are articles out here that say that they’re actually a close equivalent to having a limb cut off, that it can take more out of you emotionally than going through a breakup or “falling out of love” and, because sometimes it can be as life-altering as the death of a loved one, the grieving process of losing a friend can take years to get over/past/through.
Yeah, friendship break-ups can totally wear you out on a myriad of different levels — believe me, I know.
So, what do you do if, after going through one and doing some healing, a former friend comes back into your world and wants to try and reconcile? Is that something that should even be up for consideration? Oh, if only there was a cut-and-dried or black-and-white answer for that. The reality is, since each friendship is so unique that it pretty much has its own “fingerprint,” there is no simple yes or no resolve.
However, I do think that I can provide you with a few things to strongly consider (and perhaps even journal about) so that you will end up making the kind of decision that you can feel good about; the kind that you can make real and lasting peace with.
If there is a former friend who has recently resurfaced on some level and you’re wondering if a “round two” of friendship is in the cards for you, here are some things that you should think long and hard about before saying or doing anything about…it all.
Why Did the Friendship End to Begin With?
GiphyNot too long ago, I ran into someone who I hadn’t seen in years. As we were catching up, one of the things that she inquired about was the status of someone who we have in common — or at least used to. I’m definitely not friends with this person anymore because, let’s just say that they did something that was so selfish and even emotionally cruel, that there is simply no coming back from it. That said, I haven’t not forgiven them; it’s just that, even though I knew that they had some narcissistic traits, I didn’t realize that they were capable of going as low as they did or that they would absolutely suck at holding themselves accountable when I brought the issue to their attention.
Y’all, when it comes to reconciling with someone on the friendship tip, while I am sometimes open to the possibility, what I am absolutely not interested in is when those who don’t take accountability for their actions try to come at me on some, “Girl, you’re still on that? When are you going to let that go?” gaslighting mess. And why is that the case? Because if someone isn’t willing to acknowledge what they did — or how you feel about what they did — there is a huge chance that they are going to repeat the same actions…and next time, it could be worse.
And so, before doing anything else, the first thing that you should reflect upon is why the friendship break-up transpired in the first place. Was it just a big misunderstanding or did some pretty damning things transpire that revealed a lot about the person’s character and/or their commitment (or lack thereof) to the friendship overall? It’s hard to begin something new if you’re not sure about why “it” ended to begin with.
Have You BOTH Taken Accountability?
GiphySpeaking of accountability, it takes two people to be friends and usually, it takes the actions (or inactions) of two people, at least on some level, to bring a friendship to an end as well — and that brings me to the next point. Many years ago, a former friend of mine decided to marry a guy who had all sorts of red flags. Partly because I’m a marriage life coach and then partly because I’m simply Shellie, all of my friends know that if I see a very potential relational trainwreck about to happen, I’m absolutely going to speak up — and with her, I did. Her church told her that I was being an “enemy” of the engagement (chile) and so she ended our friendship.
I believe she was still in her newlywed years when we ran into each other at an event. All she did the entire time was sob and, although we weren’t friends anymore, because I did still care about her, afterward, we spoke for several hours — about everything, including what ultimately transpired between us. I was glad that we had that conversation because I was able to take accountability for how abrupt I was and how I could’ve been more compassionate and she took accountability for not standing up for herself enough to where some strangers (of our friendship) could get her to make such a drastic decision.
Still, when it was all said and done, although I was glad that we were able to make peace when she mentioned us exchanging numbers so that we could go thrift store shopping (which is totally one of my favorite things to do to this day), I passed. After sharing some of the things that she was going through now that she actually was a wife, there was nowhere for us to go. I still wasn’t in support and yet I’m no idiot — a person’s spouse needs to take priority over their friendships (some folks seem to forget/ignore that) and so there was no point in putting either one of us through “act two” of the drama and trauma.
Yet remember again what I said: we both were in a peace-filled place and that wasn’t the case when we initially “broke up” — and the only thing that really brought us there was us both holding ourselves accountable. The takeaway here is definitely don’t consider trying again with someone if you’re both not willing to own what brought you to the ending of your friendship in the first place. Why? Because if neither of you changed, what’s going to be different now? Straight up.
Let’s Go Back Over What “Reconcile” Means
GiphySo, what if, in your opinion, what led to the breakup is truly something that you can get past and both of you have been very open, honest, and candid about what y’all could’ve/should’ve done better? What next? Well, my recommendation would be to keep in mind that “there are layers to this thing” as far as reconciliation is concerned. What I mean by that is, that there are different definitions of the word and so, you need to decide what your goal is — and by that I mean, what actually would be best for you and them.
Reconcile: to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired; to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable; to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.); to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent; to restore
Another friendship story — this time, it’s with a guy. After almost three decades of being close, a former friend of mine got a girlfriend; one who, after only a few weeks, decided that she should “pull rank” on our friendship…and chile, he allowed it. Suddenly, he was sneaking to talk to me on the phone or rushing off whenever she was around. He was basically treating me like a side chick which was weird as hell because our friendship had literally “survived” a fiancée and a wife (two different women) with no problems. The way he handled all of that, I lost so much respect for him that I ended the friendship.
The birthday following our break-up, he sent me some money and I asked him what his agenda was. He said that he wanted the friendship back, that his relationship was toxic and yet, he was still going to keep her in his life while trying to rebuild our friendship. Are you kidding me? To choose chaos is…chaotic. And so, the kind of reconciling that I decided to do with him was that first definition: get him to realize that we can’t be friends when he’s with a woman who moves like she does. We can be cool, but our intimacy is over. She’s unsafe which made him unsafe (for me) too (check out “Are You An Emotionally & Relationally Safe Person To Be Around? 6 Ways To Know.”).
Then there’s the type of reconciliation that I spoke about right before this. By talking everything out with “her,” we were able to get to an amicable place and position — and sometimes, that’s all that needs to happen because, as I oftentimes say, you get old (and mature) enough and you both realize and accept that there is a significant amount of space between “friend” and “enemy” — many relationships (or situations or interactions) fall somewhere in there.
And then there’s the kind of reconciliation that literally brings two people back together. That requires settling matters and then seeing if you can get back into some sort of holistic agreement so that the relationship can be restored — and that takes quite a bit of mutual time and effort.
That’s why, the next thing that I recommend is asking yourself what kind of reconciling you’re after: getting clarity on why things need to remain as they are; a conversation that can bring both of you into a state of peace, so that folks aren’t rolling eyes at the mall or being passive aggressive on social media? Or do you feel like there is enough to salvage to where you want to try to be friends again?
Now, let me just say that before you give (yourself) an answer, restoration is a bit of a layered word too:
Restore: to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish; to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor; to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, etc.; to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost)
Synonyms: bring back, build up, improve, reinstate, repair, revive, replace, rescue, strengthen
What these definitions amplify is if you’re thinking about restoring a friendship, you’ve got to ponder all of these definitions, so that you can know what it will require and entail. I mean, do you want to bring it back to where it was before? If so, why? Are you both willing to “make restitution” by making amends for what you both may have emotionally lost as a direct result of the break-up? Was your friendship even healthy to begin with? Because you can’t bring something “back to a healthy state” unless it was initially in one (and that’ll preach!).
Yeah, a part of the reason why I even wanted to tackle this topic is some folks think that “fixing a friendship” is simply a matter of saying that you did — oh, but it requires so much more work than that, chile. That’s why you’ve really got to be real with yourself about if it’s even worth it. Is it?
If Things Aren’t Going To Be Better Than Before, What’s the Point?
GiphyDid you notice how synonyms for restore included things like “improve” and even “replace”? When it comes to most of my broken friendships, while again, I have done my part to make sure that there is peace between us, I can’t really say that “getting back with them” would result in a better-than-before dynamic. For one thing, with some of the folks I was friends with, at the time when we became friends, I wasn’t even really friends with myself (check out “Self BFF: 7 Signs You're Your Own Best Friend”) and so I selected them from a broken and/or dysfunctional head and heart space. Others? Because they keep a victim mentality and refuse to take accountability for the breakdown, I simply don’t trust them or see the need to invest in them on a friendship level.
Listen, the folks who I consider to be my friends, they know that I’ve got them and then some and so, especially at this point and place in my life, if a person, place, thing, or idea isn’t going to make me a better person, I don’t see the point in bringing it/them into my intimate space. And definitely, if I’m going to put in the blood, sweat, and tears that are needed to restore a friendship, I’m going to need to see some indications that not only is it NOT going to be a sequel of what we already went through, but that we are BOTH going to do what’s needed for things to be so much better. Otherwise, again, what’s the point?
On repeat for the people in the back: If you’re going to reconcile, just for more of the same — and that was oftentimes stuff that wasn’t good — sis, what’s the point?
Implement a “Probationary” Period
GiphyIt’s pretty common that when someone first gets hired for a job, they are (usually) given a 90-day probationary period. The main point of that is to see if a new employee is truly a good fit for the job. Personally, when it comes to reconciling with a former friend, I think a similar practice should be limited. I mean, people can say anything — before going all in again, ease into things. Give it a few weeks to see if you both have healed, if growth has truly transpired, and if you still work, as friends, after all that has happened.
By not jumping totally in, that helps you to guard your heart, so that if one or both of you discover that either a friendship isn’t going to work or that it’s time to transition into a different kind of dynamic, feelings are spared and there’s not so much “spilled milk” to clean you. You can transition smoothly with fonder memories in tow.
____
Should you reconcile with a friend? I’ll end this with a quote by civil rights activist John M. Perkins: “There is no reconciliation until you recognize the dignity of the other until you see their view — you have to enter into the pain of the people. You've got to feel their need.” If neither of you is at this place, while there may be a need for a conversation, a reconciliation may be premature…if necessary, at all.
Again, if you’re going to enter into phase two of a relationship with a former friend, it should be better than it was before. I hope all of this will help you to determine if that is indeed the case…or not.
Either way, your time, heart, and investments are precious. Reconciliation or not, for your own sake, please choose wisely.
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