

Damn time flies. It was about this time last year when I wrote "10 Things You Should DEFINITELY Know About Condoms" for the site. Well, now I'm back and it's pretty much due to two convos I recently had with two male friends of mine. One just had a pregnancy scare with a sex partner. The other is a guy with herpes who, although he tells his partners that he has it beforehand, he goes without wearing a condom more times than not — and his partners are fine with it. What the hell, y'all?
Both discussions inspired me to check certain data to see if anything had changed when it comes to men and condom use, in general. Nope. That said, did you know that only around one-third of people actually put a rubber on during sex? Have mercy. Even with all of these STI/STDs (reportedly, 1 in 5 Americans have one) and the fact that a lot of people (including my friend who had the scare) profess they are not ready for kids (or they don't want any at all), folks are still raw-dogging it. And a top reason continues to be, "I don't like how condoms feel."
So, in the effort to get more folks (including my friends because I am going to forward this to them) to wrap it up more often, here are a few hacks that are proven to make condom use a much more pleasurable experience than simply buying one at Walgreens or CVS and just putting it on.
1. Get Out of Drugstores
Say that you only bought your clothes at Target. Not that there's anything wrong with that particular store but man — when you actually explore department stores, boutiques and fashion websites, it's like it's a whole new world out here, right? Same thing goes for condoms. A part of the reason why a lot of people don't like them very much is because they only really think about them the day they plan on gettin' some which means that they've got to rush to some drugstore (or gas station) up the street to pick something up real quick.
Listen, not all condoms are made the same and to say that there are levels in quality is a major understatement! One of the keys to enjoying condoms more is to purchase them from a place that has a wide variety. A cool online shop is Condoms Undercover. The options are vast. The prices are good. And it ships to you confidentially. Awesome.
2. The Thinner, The Better
As a marriage life coach and a doula, I find myself talking about birth control options quite a bit. Because some of the couples I work with would prefer to avoid the hormones that come with a lot of birth control options, some wear condoms. While the mere thought of that can suck when you're in an exclusive long-term relationship, what several husbands have been able to personally vouch for is the fact that the technology of condoms are continuing to evolve and there are some thinner ones that make protected sex a lot more bearable — pleasurable even.
So, be intentional about finding ones that are as thin (and yet still effective) as possible; the kind that seem almost like a second skin. One that gets a lot of praise in this department is Kimono MicroThin Condoms. As far as thin latex condoms go, they are some of the most popular ones on the market.
3. Make Sure He Wears One That Actually Fits
While going raw (not wearing a rubber) would usually be preferred by both the giver and receiver (because, I mean, come on), whether they realize it or not, a big part of the reason why a lot of men don't enjoy condoms is because they don't fit well. And that's because it seems like every man in the world thinks he needs a Magnum…when that absolutely is not the case. There's no telling how many times I've said that most penises are around 5-5.5" erect. This means that a lot of men can go without a rubber that comes in an extra-large. Anyway, as far as general sizes go, condoms tend to be classified as snug, standard, large or XL.
For your partner to know what will work for him, he should measure his penis when it is erect and go from there. For tips on how to do that, so that condoms can end up being a comfy fit, check out Medical News Today's article "How to Find the Right Condom Size".
4. Nix the Spermicide
Although some people are allergic to latex itself (if that's you or your partner, there are latex-free options), oftentimes, when it comes to discomfort, the bigger culprit is the spermicide that's inside of many of them. While spermicide is pretty effective when it comes to killing sperm, it can also irritate genitalia if you're not careful. That's why you should probably go with a condom that doesn't have any spermicide in/on it. Will that make it less effective? So long as your partner puts the condom on correctly and it remains on during intercourse, most health professionals agree that you should be just fine. Besides, a lot of brands don't even use spermicide anymore. #themoreyouknow
5. Put Some Lube Inside of It
Hey, the wetter, the better…right? I'm pretty sure that's a point that isn't up for debate. It's also a reason why some people give the thumbs down when it comes to condom use because, even if you give off a sensation of wetness, since there is a condom on your partner, it's not like he can feel it feel it.
One way to work around this lil' bit of frustration is to put some lubrication inside of the condom itself, even if you're planning on using a pre-lubricated one. If your partner puts some on the tip of his penis before putting the condom on or within the tip of the condom before unrolling it, that can help to provide a more intense sensation. Water or silicone-based is fine.
Prevention's got a list of some of the best water-based lubes here. My Toy for Joy has a list of some of the best silicone ones here.
6. Get One with “Bumps” on It
You don't even have to tell me. The thought of anything sexually related having "bumps" on it doesn't seem very appealing. However, it did make you look and the reality is a lot of textured condoms have exactly that — raised dots on them. And why should you consider going with those if you haven't before? It's because they have a way of creating extra friction (in the best way possible) which ultimately creates more intense orgasms for you. No one is saying that you have to use these. Still, if you've never given them a shot before, there's no time like the present to knock something else off of your "never have I ever" list. Right?
7. Put It on Orally
If your partner hates wearing a condom with everything in him, even if he knows that it really is a very responsible thing to do, warm him up to the idea by opting to put the condom on for him — with your mouth. It's sexy. It's seductive. And, if you apply the following tip that I'm about to make, it could actually cause you to become a really big fan of condoms. At least when it comes to oral activity.
8. Have You Tried the Flavored Kind?
It really does trip me out how, some people will be quick to say that they use condoms for intercourse but then will turn around and say that they never use 'em when it comes to oral sex. What in the world? Pretty much any STI/STD that can be transmitted during intercourse can also be passed on during fellatio and/or cunnilingus too. That's why you should definitely make sure that you and your partner are tested before ANY kind of sexual activity goes down. Oh, and if you want to be extra safe, you should use condoms during oral sex as well.
Listen, I'll be the first one to say that back in my "oral fulfillment days", I wasn't the biggest condom-user; especially when it came to head. Part of the reason was because I loathe the way that regular condoms taste (kinda like a rubber tire from the way it smells alone). Yet I wasn't really on to flavored condoms either.
I've tasted a few, so that I can give my honest opinion for pieces like this (and to prepare for when I return to them). And while they aren't exactly a hot fudge sundae, what I will say is they can make oral safe sex way more enjoyable for you and your partner. For you because they taste pretty good and him because, the more you enjoy giving fellatio, the more he will enjoy receiving it. Sex Toy Helper is a site that can point you in the direction of some of the best flavored rubbers on the market right now. Read about it right here.
9. Close Your Legs (Kinda)
Remember how I said that textured condoms can provide a good kind of friction feeling? So can keeping your legs somewhat closed when you're having sex. I mean, of course they can't be kept all the way closed. But if you're on top and you put your legs inside of his (rather than traditionally kneeling outside of them) or you put both of your legs over his shoulder while he's penetrating you, these are the kinds of sexual positions that can also take the sensation up a few notches when he's got a condom on (especially if the lube trick that I talked about earlier is added).
10. Think Positive
If you go in saying something along the lines of "I hate condoms", there's not too much wiggle room to change your mind, hacks or not. Listen, again, having sex without a rubber feels better (especially for the guys). Still, when you think about the fact that it can prevent you from getting sick or having a baby when you don't want one, how can you not have a little bit of love for it? The right one. The right hacks. The right position. The right partner. This combo can make condom-wearing (and feeling) better than you think. Just try the hacks and see.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Javier Zayas Photography/Getty Images
- A Beginner's Guide To Lubricant - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- My Complicated Relationship With Safe Sex - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How Men Compare Sex with a Condom vs No Condom - xoNecole ... ›
- Men Using Pull Out Method During Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Allergic To Condoms? Latex Condom Allergy, Try This - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Pleasurable Sex With Different Penis Sizes Small Average Big - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
Your Glow-Up Starts Here: 15 Ways To ‘Spring Clean’ Your Beauty Routine
Now that springtime is officially present and accounted for, I wanted to find a way to put a twist to the type of “spring cleaning” that is typically discussed (check out “15 Of The Best Spring Cleaning Hacks That I've Seen In A Minute”).
For instance, in times past, I would broach the topic from the angle of relationships (check out “Let's Finally 'Spring Clean' ALL Of Our Exes Out Of Our Lives, Shall We?”) or even intimacy (check out “Yes Couples, You Can 'Spring Clean' Your Sex Life”). This year, I thought it would be cool to explore how you can get your hair, skin, and nails ready for all that this beautiful spring season has to offer.
Check out the following 15 things that you can do (five per category), beauty-wise, to embrace all that spring has in store — things that will have you out here looking even more radiant than you already do!
Hair
Getty Images
1. Clarify your hair. Sweat, dead skin cells, product build-up, minerals in your water, excessive sebum, whatever falls into your hair when you’re outdoors (like pollen) — all of these things play a significant role in why it’s important to clarify your hair from time to time and clarifying is simply about using things that will help to get rid of the residue that’s on your strands. Clarifying is actually why I don’t cosign with people who say that you should NEVER use sulfate shampoos; I just believe that you should ONLY use them to clarify your locks (so long as they aren’t too harsh on your hair).
So, what are some signs that your hair needs clarifying?
If your hair feels oily or sticky; if it’s hard for it to hold a style; if your scalp is itchy or irritated; if you notice that your hair is shedding more than it should (which is 50-100 strands a day); if your hair is dull and/or (bonus) if you are about to color-treat your hair (because build-up will make it difficult for the color to “take”). You can clarify your tresses with a clarifying shampoo (check out a list here). Or, if you’d prefer to take the all-natural route, apple cider vinegar, baking soda, bentonite clay, and even Aloe vera are awesome options (click on each of the words to learn why and how to apply them in this way).
2. Exfoliate your scalp. Honestly, the main way that I know it is time for me to wash my hair is when my scalp tells me so. When it’s itchy and/or flaking, that’s my cue. Oftentimes, what I will do is either provide my scalp with a good rinse (I really like TPH BY TARAJI Master Cleanse Scalp Treatment) or a scalp exfoliant. That’s because, just like your hair can experience residue, your scalp can as well (especially when it comes to dead skin cells and product build-up). Plus, a scalp that isn’t exfoliated can end up having clogged hair follicles which can ultimately mess with your hair growth.
If you want to go the exfoliant route, there are scalp scrubs that you can buy. You can also crush some aspirin up, add a bit of water to it, and rub it on your scalp, create a brown sugar and oatmeal scalp scrub or you can check out some other recipes here.
Getty Images
3. Address those ends. It can’t be said enough that, if you’re trying to grow out your hair, it doesn’t matter how much you take care of the roots of your hair if you’re neglecting your ends in the process. In fact, a huge part of the reason why a lot of people don’t end up reaching their hair (length) goals is because their locks end up breaking off just about as fast as their hair grows from their scalp. One way to avoid this from happening is to “baby” the entire mess out of your ends — and y’all, a product that I’ve been using that helps me to do this oh so very well is Amika Starfruit Oil. Listen, stuff that has worked for me personally, I do my best to shout-out and this product right here? It’s the truth! It’s a lightweight oil that feels kind of like a serum that really does create shine, lessen frizz and help to make your hair feel so much stronger — including your ends. Now, it ain’t cheap; still, a little bit goes a long way which makes it worth the expense (at least it does to me). Anyway, whether it’s getting a trim, dusting your ends (removing split ends and fairy knots on your own) or just giving your ends some much needed TLC, this would be the time to do it…especially so.
4. Toss out expired hair products. Be honest with me and yourself — you know you’ve got some hair products that should’ve gone on to glory a long time ago, simply because the lettering is faded and/or you really can’t remember when you purchased it (check out “Resolving To Kick Your Product Junkie Habit? Here's Your Game Plan For 2024.”). I’ll be real with you, unfortunately, most hair products don’t come with an expiration date; however, a good rule of thumb to follow is if your products change color, smell, or texture, it’s probably time to toss ‘em out.
And when it comes to shampoos and conditioners specifically, many experts say that around six months is when it’s time to get some new stuff. Oh and also, please wash your brushes, combs and clean out the teeth of your hair dryers, and thoroughly wipe off your flat irons. You’d be amazed how much gunk can get caught up in all of those things. #yuck
5. Replenish your collection with lighter water-based ones. Since warmer weather tends to lead to hair that has more oil and residue than during the cooler months, if you’re going to buy some new hair products make sure that they contain less oils and butters and more water instead. The reason why is because the last thing that you want is for it to be a nice spring-like day with the wind blowing and yet your hair doesn’t move one bit because it’s so weighed down by all of your hair products. If you’d like a few recommendations of what to get for this season, check out BuzzFeed’s “27 Products That’ll Take Your Hair From Winter Drab To Spring Fab.”
Skin
Getty Images
1. Get a professional facial. It’s pretty common that, as it heats up outside, you may want to wear less make-up — at least during the daytime hours because between the sweat and everything? It can just be easier to take the “less is more” approach. If that is exactly how you roll (or you do like make-up and you would like for it to go on more smoothly), consider getting a professional facial as soon as possible. I’m good for getting a back facial at the turn of every season and there is nothing like having a professional esthetician get all up in your skin and treat issues in ways that you simply can’t (because you haven’t been trained to).
When it comes to your face, professional facials are bomb because they can deeply cleanse, exfoliate, hydrate, improve the texture, and treat trouble areas all at the same time. I promise you, after getting a facial from someone who really knows what they are doing, your skin will glow on a completely different level!
2. Clean all of your make-up tools. Chile, guess how often the average American changes their sheets (SMDH): every 24 days…that’s damn near once a month. Now guess how often you’re supposed to do it: no less than once a week and actually every 2-4 days if you have pets or allergies. If most folks aren’t doing this, I can only imagine how few are cleaning their makeup brushes, etc. And how often should you do that? Every 7-10 days (more often than that, if you can). And although you shouldn’t wait for spring to do this, this is just a reminder to set aside a day to clean everything at once.
For tips on how to properly clean your brushes, check out the YouTube channel ItsMyRayeRaye’s post here. Tips on how to clean cosmetic sponges? Roxslayofficial’s page can help you out here. And if you tend to put your brushes and sponges in a drawer in your bathroom, invest in a nice vase for your brushes or something like a magnetic brush organizer. As far as your sponges go, a cute soap dish that has holes in it or an egg case will work.
3. Look for skincare products that contain antioxidants and ceramides. Since there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll be out in the sun more often, you need to make sure that your skin is protected from the damage that free radicals, air pollution, and UV rays can do. One way to do this is by looking for skincare products that are packed with antioxidants. Ones that immediately come to mind include vitamin C extract, and vitamin E oil as well as products that have niacinamide (vitamin B6) and polyphenols listed on the label.
Something else to look for is skin products that contain ceramides;they are lipids that easily makeup 50 percent of the outer layer of your skin. When you apply skincare items that contain them, those ceramides help to hydrate your skin, protect the barrier, and slow down the signs of aging. I use ceramides on my neck at night and baby, no regrets. Not a damn one.
Getty Images
4. Go without make-up more often. Whenever someone tells me that I don’t look my age, I thank genetics and the fact that I didn’t start wearing make-up (other than mascara and lipstick which is pretty much how I get down now) until I was well into my 20s. There is no way around the fact that prolonged cosmetic use (especially when it comes to certain ingredients), yes, can speed up the aging process of your skin. It can also lead to breakouts; cause your pores to appear larger than they actually are; throw off the pH balance of your skin; create the appearance of fine lines, and it can weaken your skin’s barrier. That’s why it’s a good idea to give your skin a break by going make-up-free sometimes.
Since spring cleaning is the theme, focus more on skincare than cosmetics so that, by the time the summer season arises, if you go swimming, you don’t have to worry about going au naturel because your natural skin will be so on-point on its own (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.,” “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday” and “These 12 Things Will Make Your Skin Glow All Of The Time” for some prepping tips).
5. Don’t forget about sunscreen. BLACK WOMEN NEED SUNSCREEN — and yes, I am yelling it because I know far too many of us who were told that because our skin is so beautifully melanated, sunscreen isn’t really necessary. The lies you tell. Problem is, when you read articles like Healthline’s “The Sunscreen Gap: Do Black People Need Sunscreen?” you’ll notice that — surprise, surprise, and totally insert my sarcasm here — some medical professionals don’t emphasize the importance of us using sunscreen which causes some of us not to prioritize it.
However, the reality is that UV rays can damage our skin just like anyone else's, not to mention that sun drama can also lead to things like hyperpigmentation. So, if you’ve never used sunscreen before, make this the year that you absolutely do. Some of the best sunscreens for our skin are located here, here, and here.
Nails
Getty Images
1. Opt for a shorter length. Not to brag but I actually have some really pretty hands and nails. That’s why, before the pandemic, I was in the nail shop all of the time; however, once we went into lockdown, I decided to keep my nails low and I haven’t really grown them out since. Something about watching all of those videos about how many germs get trapped up in there just creeped me out, chile.
Anyway, since it’s spring and you’ll be outdoors, pollen is flying everywhere and you may be doing things (like outdoor sports) that require you to use your hands in a more active way if your nails are currently on the longer side right now, you might want to go with a shorter length. Not only is it hygienic and practical, from what I’ve seen (here, here, and here), but it’s shorter nails that are also trending right through here too.
2. Do a deep hand and foot soak. While certain — cough, cough — folks are out here debating about how often you should wash your feet (the things that have tons of sweat glands and literally spend most of their time on the floor or ground), I’m encouraging you to go above and beyond and do some regular foot (and hand) soaking. They’re relaxing. They exfoliate your skin. They can also help to deeply hydrate your skin. They increase blood circulation. They also help your hands and feet to look youthful for a longer period of time.
Although there are a variety of different hand (here) and foot (here) recipes to choose from, one of my faves is to soak in an herbal tea blend — one that also has some Epsom salt and coconut milk in it. Chamomile tea can help to soothe you. Sage contains medicinal properties. Hibiscus can help to even out your skin tone. Epsom salt is great because it also helps to exfoliate and hydrate. Coconut milk is awesome because it deeply moisturizes, stimulates the production of collagen and it also exfoliates too. Soaking your hands and feet for about 30-45 minutes can make your skin’s texture feel totally different. Try it and see!
Getty Images
3. Pamper your cuticles with an essential oil blend. The base of your fingernails and toenails is your nail bed and right underneath those are your cuticles; the purpose of your cuticles is to keep bacteria from infecting your new nails as they grow out from your nail bed. Honestly, it wasn’t until I started getting hangnails that I started to pay my cuticles some real attention (in between professional manicures). I was getting them because my cuticles were dry which means that I was neglecting them. Now, I’m on top of that because hangnails are ANNOYING (and sometimes even painful).
I care for my cuticles by keeping my cuticles trimmed, pushing them back and making sure that they are well moisturized. Although there are cuticle creams that you can buy, I prefer to apply a blend of tea tree oil (it kills bacteria and fungus), geranium oil (it has astringent and anti-inflammatory properties), and avocado oil which deeply moisturizes. It makes my cuticles feel and look great.
4. Go without polish for a while. Listen, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna do, it’s get a pedicure — usually twice a month. I’m so serious about it that, even the day that my house literally blew up a few years ago (check out “My House Burned Up. Three Days Before Christmas. What It Taught Me.”), after I assessed the damage (95 percent of my stuff was gone) and talked to the fire marshal about what caused it (my HVAC), I went on to my nail appointment (dead serious). Polished toes always make me feel better and you can’t steal my joy. That’s why I hate it when my nail tech will tell me that it’s time to take a polish break sometimes.
Still, I heed the advice because, when your fingernails and toenails aren’t given the opportunity to breathe, that can lead to fungal and bacterial growth, weaker nails, dry nails, permanently stained nails, and all sorts of other drama. Ideally, since your toenails especially are covered up more in the fall and winter months, that would be the most ideal time to follow through with this particular suggestion. If you didn’t do that, though. Give your nails a month or so without any polish over the next few weeks. It might feel rough at first but it’s worth it in the long run.
5. Return to polish with lighter hues. When it comes to nail polish hues, I tend to lean into the darker ones. Spring isn’t really the time for that, though. Yeah, if ever there is a time to go with some Easter egg colors, the spring season would be it. And as far as spring color trends for this year go, you’re super stylish if you go with light neutrals, bright green, or pearly shades — or you can get super creative via InStyle’s “20 April Nail Ideas to Freshen Up Your Manicure.”
And speaking of polish (and spring cleaning), I’m pretty sure you’ve got some old bottles that need to go. For the most part, their shelf life is between 12-24 months. If it’s been longer than that, let them babies go. It’s spring. Time for new things, sis. NEW THINGS!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images