Fairly recently, I saw a tweet that cracked me up. Not because of the tweet itself but the comments (Black Twitter’s comment section is king!). I’ll let you peep the tweet for yourself and then guess what men said underneath it before actually looking to confirm your suspicions:
i love an \u201ci got it\u201d ass man. you know what else you finna get?— MS. LEO (@MS. LEO) 1638576156
Take it how you want but I’ll be the first to stand in solidarity with my brothers that women who expect all of the finer things in life (I’m speaking to the ones that come with a price tag), only to turn around and only offer up sex on Christmas, Valentine’s Day, their anniversary and their man’s birthday are slightly scamming. Anyone who wants to give pushback, how would you feel if your man did that to you? That’s why I said that while I do think that sex is quite precious (extremely so), if you’re going to take the “Merry Christmas” approach to it without giving much else this year, there needs to be a lot of pre-planning and effort put into it in order to make things extra special.
So, whether money is a little on the tighter side right now or you want to present some holiday sex in a very special way, here are 15 things that will definitely keep your man from being like those dudes in the comment section were (if you catch my drift).
1. Stuff Some Stockings
Stockings are a signature symbol for Christmas and since a “sexy Christmas” is the theme of this particular article, why don’t you and yours purchase a couple of ‘em and then fill them up with things like flavored condoms, DIY sex coupons, handcuffs, body paint, blindfolds, sex dice, massage candles, edible undies, a new sex toy, flavored lubricant and whatever else y’all’s sweet little hearts’ desire? If you like to move discreetly, virtually all of this stuff can be found online if you just put the name of what you’re looking for into the search field of your favorite search engine.
2. Play a Few Rounds of ’12 Sex Games of Christmas’
A cool way to spend some quality time with your partner is to play a couple of games. In the spirit of getting all hot ‘n bothered, one that you might want to purchase is called 12 Games of Christmas. With game titles like Please Go Down for Christmas and Rudolph the Romantic Sex Slave, how can it not, at the very least, pique your curiosity in the naughtiest way possible? You can get it here.
3. Cop Some Peppermint-Flavored Lubricant
Remember how I mentioned lubricant in the stocking suggestion? If there is a signature scent (and flavor) for Christmas, peppermint would definitely have to be one of them, so why not get a tube of some peppermint-flavored lube? A fan favorite is Aloe Cadabra Natural Organic Personal Lube Edible Vegan Peppermint Tingle because it’s water-based (which makes it safe to use with latex condoms), it doesn’t mess with our pH and it tastes great although it’s sugar-free. If you’re interested, you can get it here.
Oh, and if you really want to take things to another level in the oral sex department, put a little lube where you want it and then put some oral sex pop candies into your mouth (you can find some here). Remember Pop Rocks from back in the day? Same thing. Different purpose. #wink
4. Bring in Some Mistletoe
What would a sexy Christmas be without at least one mistletoe, right? As far as where to get some, local home improvement stores, some arts and crafts stores and usually Walmart and Target carry them. Since we all know that the tradition is to kiss underneath it (and also since no one said that the kissing had to only be done on the mouth), how about putting your mistletoe in a place where you want a lot of the action to go down? Over your bed. On your showerhead (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”). In your kitchen. On top of your washing machine (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!). On your bra. In your underwear. The possibilities are endless.
Just know that if your partner sees a mistletoe somewhere, there will absolutely be no confusion about what you want to transpire.
5. Get a Mini Christmas Tree and Hang Some Dirty Date Night Tokens from It
Whether you get a big tree every year or this year, you want to scale things down a bit, make things festive in your bedroom by investing in a miniature Christmas tree that you can put on your dresser or nightstand. Then hang some “naughty” tokens from it or put some around it. Etsy is my joint and I found a merchant who sells some wooden ones that say things like “Oral Sex,” “Wild Card,” and “Fantasy Fulfilled”. You can get a set of them here if you’d like.
6. Customize Some Wrapping Paper (Then Wrap Yourself Up in It)
I can’t tell you how many husbands have told me that sex with one woman doesn’t get old, so long as the sex itself doesn’t get boring (check out “10 Men Told Me Why They're Fine Having Sex With One Partner”). Because men are visual creatures, one way to prevent that from happening is by “wrapping up the gift” (the gift would be “you” in this case). If you literally want to wrap yourself up in paper, a fun approach is to hit up the site Gift Wrap My Face so that they can literally put your face on some wrapping paper.
Or, if you’d like to take the lingerie approach, this is the time of year when a lot of shops sell teddies that look like a big red bow. An example of what I’m talking about is located here, here, here, here, and here.
7. Give Your Bedroom a Christmas/Winter Wonderland Theme
Some bedding in traditional Christmas colors like red, green, or silver. Some cranberry garland on your bedposts (that you should be able to find at your local arts and crafts store). A Christmas wreath on your bedroom wall. A string of twinkle lights. Little red bows everywhere. White faux fur throw pillows. Snowflake art. A big basket filled with scented pine cones. Bedding that is slate grey and light blue (a dope Christmas color scheme). Lots of candles in Christmas scents like vanilla, pine, frankincense and myrrh, clove, or pomegranate.
There are all kinds of simple and pretty inexpensive ways that you can totally transform your bedroom into a Christmas winter wonderland so that it literally feels like you and yours are enjoying each other in a different kind of space.
8. Have Fun with Some Fake Snow
What is a winter wonderland without snow? These days, you can create the illusion of having some, even inside of your house, thanks to different kinds of fake snow that’s currently on the market. One brand that a lot of people like is Buffalo Snow. You can get some snowflakes here and some flurries here. A bed full of snow? Pardon the pun but how cool is that?
9. Turn on Some Blizzard ASMR
Although I’ve never really struggled with sleeping well, something that has absolutely changed my life over the past few years is sleeping with rain ASMR on. It just makes the quality of my rest so much…sounder. If you like nothing more than feeling like you are trapped in a snowstorm during your Christmas time off yet it looks like you’re not even going to get flurries this year, one way to work around that is to turn on some blizzard-sounding ASMR videos.
YouTube has quite a few of them and the windy sound really does make you feel like you’re in eight feet of snow. One of my favorites (that lasts for 10 hours, ad-free) can be found right here. Sex in a blizzard? C’mon now.
10. Bring in Some Christmas-Themed Edible Aphrodisiacs
In the article that I wrote, “12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too” a couple of years ago for the platform, a few edible things that I mentioned included eggnog and candy canes. Some other foods to add to that list includes a full-on entrée like a leg of lamb (it’s got carnitine which is great for men and their fertility), a “cozy drink” like apple cider (it can help to get you wetter), and a dessert, like a pumpkin pie (it’s high in zinc which increases sexual desire). Pick your pleasure.
11. Share Some Hot Chocolate Shots
There really is no telling how often I’ve shouted out dark chocolate when it comes to it being a great food for your sex life. A top reason is because serotonin (a hormone that stabilizes your mood and helps you to feel good) and phenethylamine (a natural chemical that offers up a stimulant effect) in dark chocolate can help to boost your libido. Keeping all of this in mind, what is Christmas without hot chocolate, chile?
To make things extra spicy in the absolute best ways possible, serve up some Mexican hot chocolate shots (recipe is here). The cinnamon will increase blood circulation to your genitalia and, if you decide to go with tequila instead of vodka, well — if you’ve ever had a tequila shot before, you already know what kind of night you’ll be in for. #wink
12. Light a Gingerbread Candle
One of the best things about sex, if it’s good (and I mean, REALLY good), is it involves all five senses — sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. As far as scent goes, there is plenty of scientific data to support that one of the reasons why what we smell can strongly affect our mood (good or bad) is because of what we associate a particular scent with. If you used to eat or bake gingersnaps or make gingerbread houses around this time when you were a kid, that can “trigger” feelings of safety and warmth.
So, to smell something that resembles gingerbread while being intimate with your partner, that can make sex “sweet” in the best way possible. Gingerbread candles are not usually very hard to find this time of year. Yankee Candle, Big Lots, DW Home, Kohl’s, and Michaels are just some of the places where I noticed them online.
13. Play a Sexy Round of “Guess Your Gift”
Even if you do plan on going all out in this way, still try and get something that goes in a box or gift bag. Whether it’s a tradition for you and your partner to open presents up on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, make foreplay extra fun by playing a couple of rounds of something that I call “Guess Your Gift.” You each will give a super vague hint. Whoever guesses correctly can make a specific foreplay-related request (kissing a certain erogenous zone, giving a five-minute massage, etc.) If they don’t get it right, then the other person can make their foreplay request known. Talk about making the curiosity as awesome as the gift itself. Whew.
14. Put Poinsettia Petals All Over Your Bed
I’m pretty sure that it comes as no surprise to you that the December birth flower is the poinsettia. That’s pretty cool because they represent things like love, hope, good cheer, and success. Also, a nickname for it is Mexican flame flower. I don’t know about you, but all of these sound like good vibes to have in your sex life.
Although red rose petals are pretty popular when it comes to flowers to sprinkle on your bed, in your bathtub, or on your floors in order to set the mood, since all of this centers around a Christmas theme, why not go with some red or white poinsettias this year? It’ll be just as seductive and a lot more holiday-themed.
15. Fulfill a Fantasy
Want your partner to feel like they were blessed in a mighty way this Christmas? Ask them what their fantasy is and (so long as it doesn’t compromise your core because some people’s fantasies are next-level) do your best to fulfill it. It brings spontaneity into the relationship. It adds newness to the dynamic. And it definitely sets the two of you up to have a pretty unforgettable Christmas in the sex department. A great way to make sex feel like an actual Christmas gift. Straight up.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert