Here's the thing about this topic. You can read articles on this platform like "10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single" and "10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'" and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I think singleness is all kinds of wonderful. That's just why I decided to write this piece too. No matter how much your favorite rom-com, love song, friend, auntie or church mother may try to make you think that, as the late and great Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines used to put it, there's nothing better than love, when you do finally meet that special someone and make the mutual decision to become exclusive, as amazing as all of that may be, there is a bit of transitioning that must take place.
For the record, today, I'm not referring to people who are going from "single" to "committed" in the way that tax records reflect (marriage); I'm going to touch on how you can more smoothly alter your lifestyle when you've been kicking it up, making life ONLY about you and now that you've got a boo thang, you need to compromise a bit. If that's exactly where you are in this season, here's how to make adjusting easier.
Embrace That There Are “Levels to Commitment”
Before we get deeper into the details, let's first discuss the fact that when it comes to romantic relationships (and even love yet we'll have to get into love at another time), there are definitely levels to this thing. For instance, deciding to only have one sex partner is a level. Deciding to be exclusive is a level. Deciding to work towards seeing if you should live together or get married is a level. And all of these dynamics require a different kind of adjustment.
That's why, the first thing I recommend is that you and your partner talk about what type of commitment you're about to get yourselves into. Because believe you me, the expectations that come with deciding that they are going to be the only person you have sex with (with nothing else really changing) vs. pondering marriage with them within the next 12 months, those are on two totally different levels of a relationship — especially when it comes to making adjustments to your lifestyle.
Don’t Sacrifice Friends (Who Support Your Transition)
A huge red flag (that I honestly see in both men and women) is dating someone who expects you to get rid of or spend significantly less time with your friends. Matter of fact, while it really is "to each their own", I'm not big on folks who think that people in exclusive relationships shouldn't have opposite sex friends (check out "Unpopular Opinion: Men And Women CAN Really Be 'Just Friends'" and "The Word 'Platonic' Is Sacred. Literally.").
Listen, some of the best people in my life are men — some are single, some are married. The ones who are in a relationship, I make sure their wives have met me and can reach me by phone/email. It's all good. And because of that, those men have benefitted my world in insurmountable ways; in part, because they are men and they see things from a different perspective than I do. So, if I ever do get to a point and place where I end up jumping a broom, I don't expect to give up my male friends nor do I expect my husband to give up his female friends. The only caveat is disrespect. Yet hey, if you've got people in your life who would disrespect your partner, they've probably been low-key disrespecting you for a minute now — whether you've chosen to acknowledge it or not.
Anyway, my main point here is if your social circle is able to remain the same, that can make going from single to a commitment so much easier because your partner will literally feel like surplus in your life rather than the direct result of a billion sacrifices that you will now have to make.
Feel Fine with Maintaining Certain Boundaries
Some people freak out at the mere thought of being in a relationship because they believe that they have to release virtually all personal boundaries when it comes to that particular special someone. The hell you say. Something that I try and make a habit of doing, every time the topic of boundaries comes up, is to remind people that a boundary is a limit — it's a way of conveying how far someone should be allowed to go. And yes, that definitely should apply to an exclusive dating situation. Realistic expectations are a boundary. Deal-breakers are a boundary. Wanting them to respect your other priorities is a boundary. Your money is a boundary. Again, going from a single situation to a committed relationship doesn't mean that you don't set limits with the person you are seeing. It basically just means that the limits you have with them may be more flexible than the ones you have with others.
Give Each Other Space to Miss Each Other
A pretty telling sign of a new relationship is you want to be around that person — a lot. That's totally understandable. Everything is fresh (which makes it intriguing). Plus, you're learning so much about them and what makes them tick (and vice versa). However, once you decide to take things to another level, it's OK — advisable even — that you step back a little bit. While initially that might sound a little odd, there is some real truth to the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You know what else it does? It helps you to keep some balance when it comes to the other things in your life that are also important.
Back in the day, I had a particular boyfriend who I actually really enjoyed spending time with. However, when we went from close friends to more-than-friends, sometimes he annoyed me because, while he wasn't a jealous kind of guy, he was kinda on the needy side. While I thought we should check in daily, for him that meant several times a day, along with us being together, most of the weekend, every single weekend. And while some of you may be like, "Yeah so. What's wrong with that?", remember that this article is about how to shift from single to committed, so I'm here to say that choosing to make someone extra special in your life doesn't mean that they have to consume all of it. Weekends with your girls. Sometimes only texting because you need to catch-up with others on the phone. Making plans that don't always include each other. None of these are a sign of something going wrong within the relationship. In fact, it's pretty healthy to be OK with missing your partner sometimes. This brings me to my next point.
Refuse to Be Suffocated
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "6 Signs You're A Love Addict". And real talk, a sign that someone is one is if they think that love (or building something in hopes that it will lead to love) equates damn near suffocating the one they are with. What are some clear indications of that? You and/or your partner constantly needing to know where the other is (these dating folks that track each other on their phones are something else to me, chile). You and/or your partner texting nonstop to the point that it's distracting y'all from other responsibilities. You and/or your partner not knowing how to have free time apart. You and/or your partner trying to low-key control each other's lives. You and/or your partner emotionally manipulating each other to get more time together or attention from the other.
If any of this is going on, while on the surface it might seem romantic, it's actually not. Nothing grows if it's not given air and space to do just that and someone who suffocates their partner actually comes off as needy and/or distrusting and/or jealous. Going from single to committed shouldn't make you feel like you can't breathe. If you do, something is up. And off. Way off.
Plan “You Time”
Y'all, I can't tell you how many times I've had a married person say to me in a session that they've lost sight of who they are. In part, because so much of them has become wrapped up in being a spouse and/or a parent. It really is unfortunate how many people think it's a beautiful sentiment that "two halves make a whole" because the reality should be that a whole person and a whole person come together to make a whole relationship.
Whole means complete and being complete is super healthy. And you know what? A huge part of what comes with being whole is being intentional about spending some quality "you time". Do some self-love journaling. Turn your phone off sometimes. Go on a solo road trip. Start a new hobby (then commit to partaking in it on a consistent basis). Take out a weekend to finish a book. Devote time to the side-gig you've been wanting to get off of the ground. Go hiking or for a bike ride. Make a standing pampering appointment. Schedule your own movie night. Sleep in.
I promise you that it's quite evident, the couples who have self-love vs. the ones who use their relationship to compensate for the self-love that they lack. And one of the main things that couples behind Door #1 do is they set aside time for only themselves. When you and yours do this, the time together is so much more fulfilling. It truly is.
Don’t Act Married…Until You’re Married
I say it (fairly) often because I absolutely believe it to be true — a lot of people get divorced because they date like they are married rather than like they are single. Which they are (single, that is). Because you know what? Something else that I say is you technically stop being single when your taxes reflect that you are something different. Until that time, why act like a wife until you are one (check out "7 Things That Make Marriage Different From Seriously Dating")?
Just like I said at the top of this article that there are levels of a commitment, it's important to keep in mind that marriage isn't just about putting on a white dress and throwing a big party — it should signify that your relationship overall, yes, went to another level. For that to be the case, there have to be some other benefits and "bonuses" that come with saying "I do" — ones that are different from simply dating another person.
While those standards may differ from relationship to relationship, as this all comes to a close, the main thing to keep in mind is going from single to committed isn't very stressful at all if you remember that you are indeed still single — just with some extra privileges and activities that didn't transpire prior to "going official". Get that down pat and the transition will be smoother than you may have initially thought that it could be. Guaranteed.
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Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
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CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
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LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
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CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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Whether it’s a hotel deal, a flight sale, or choosing a location where your money goes a little further, you can plan your dream trip on a budget. If your 2025 plan includes checking off a new city or country, we talked to a few travelers for tips and tricks on how they took an affordable trip this year.
St. Martin, West Indies
Christane "Kris" Njatcha
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Christane “Kris” Njatcha, a digital creator based in Washington, D.C., recently traveled to St. Martin, a French island in the Caribbean that’s shared with the Dutch St. Maarten.
“I've been to the destination before and absolutely fell in love,” she says. “As a French speaker who loves French culture, Saint Martin is a 4-hour flight from Washington D.C., and you get a mix of beautiful beaches and superb cuisine.”
Njatcha says she spent a total of $1850 for a seven-day trip, and some of her trip highlights included dining at Villa Royale and checking out Pinel Island, a tiny island just a five-minute ferry ride from the French side of the island. Njatcha also says she saved money by flying out on a weekday, booking a direct flight to SXM on United Airlines for $400. She also rented a condo on VRBO, which cost $98/night, and rented a car for $118/week from Value Car Rental, which she says is an affordable way to see the tiny island.
“The best way to save money on travel is to choose a destination based on your budget,” she advises. “Open up Google Flights and check out some of the most affordable places based on destinations. Let the destination pick you, and not the other way around. When trying to save money, you have to be flexible.”
Charlotte, North Carolina
Branda Ayo
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If you need a little fresh mountain air, a trip to Charlotte, North Carolina, is a great option. It was the first pick for New York-based freelance writer and content creator Branda Ayo, who flew to the city to attend the Black travel conference NoMadness Fest after a work trip to D.C. She made the weekend affordable by staying in the walkable downtown area, carpooling with other festival goers, and ordering food to her hotel.
“My flights cost $304.95 for a multi-stop journey from D.C. to Charlotte and then back to New York,” Ayo says. “My hotel, Hyatt Place Charlotte Downtown, came to $643.41 with trip insurance. My Ubers were affordable, costing only $107.84 for the four days I was there.”
Ayo also recently signed up for an AAA membership, which includes complimentary breakfast at her hotel. Ayo’s other weekend activities included a rooftop social at Merchant and Trade, dinner at Tupelo Honey Southern Kitchen & Bar, and brunch at Uptown Yolk, a cozy, Black-owned brunch spot downtown. If you’re looking to save money, she also advises traveling during the off-season, which can mean lower costs on flights and hotels.
“Start your trip planning early. The sooner you plan, the better your chances of finding good rates and avoiding peak season prices,” Ayo says. “If you’re flexible with dates, try to time your trip around the off-season. I’m sure if I’d gone a few weeks earlier, during Labor Day, prices would have been much higher.”
Chiang Mai, Thailand
Malikah Kelly
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Malikah Kelly lives in Hong Kong full time, and the marketing manager and travel content creator was recently able to take an affordable trip to Chiang Mai, Thailand, utilizing credit card points and rewards.
“Chiang Mai has always been on my bucket list. I had never been able to make the trip happen when I was living in the US, but I wasn’t going to miss it since I was so close,” she says. “Visiting Elephant Nature Park was one of the best parts of the trip. It cost $150 and was one of the more expensive activities, but the money goes directly to supporting operations and caring for the elephants.”
For the five-day trip, Kelly says she spent about $350 on flights and $700 on activities, while her hotel was free because of credit card points. Before her trip, she opened an IHG Rewards Credit Card with a $95 annual fee, and it came with a huge welcome bonus and a free anniversary reward night, which covered the annual fee.
“Don’t sleep on credit card hacking,” Kelly says. “It seemed so gimmicky for a while, but since I started about a year and a half ago, I have been to Vietnam, Thailand, and Bali, and I’m planning a longer 10-day multi-city trip to Sri Lanka, Bali, or Cambodia for February 2025. Just be sure only to charge your regular spending and pay off your balance. Don’t rack up credit card debt with irresponsible behavior and impulse purchases.”
Chicago, Illinois
Sierra Redmond
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The Windy City is one of the most beautiful cities in the U.S., especially during the summer when the city comes alive with concerts, outdoor dining, and free movie screenings.
“After hearing so many amazing things about summertime in Chicago, we decided to book it to beat the summer heat of Las Vegas,” says Sierra Redmond, a content creator and marketing director based in Las Vegas. “Some of the highlights were staying at the Kimpton Gray Hotel, visiting the world’s largest Starbucks Reserve Roastery, and trying some of Chicago’s iconic eats.”
Redmond says she spent about $1200 for a family of three for four days: $600 for round-trip flights from Las Vegas, $250 for the hotel and onsite restaurant (after redeeming Amex points), $300 on food off-property, $200 for attraction passes, and $150 for transportation around the city. Some of the ways she saved were by utilizing public transportation and using credit card points.
“The L train costs $5 per person per ride, saving us hundreds of dollars immediately,” she says. “Secondly, we used points from our AMEX platinum to book the Kimpton Gray. We also saved money by purchasing the Chicago C3 CityPass. It allowed us to pay one fee and choose the three attractions that were most important to us.”
Like other budget travelers, Redmond says to be flexible about where you want to travel instead of seeing your sights on a particular location.
“I always tell travelers to follow the deals and not the destination,” she explains. “We booked the trip with no destination in mind. Instead, we put some ideas that fit what we wanted to accomplish out there and chose based on the price of the flight and amenities of the city.”
Tirana, Albania
Vivienne Dovi
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If a romp through Europe is more your style, consider Albania, a Southeastern European country that’s been quietly gaining popularity. London-based journalist and content communications consultant Vivienne Dovi says she spent around £962 (about $1,225 USD) on her seven-day trip, including hotel, activities, and food. Her trip included stops in three cities: the capital, Tirana, and Himarë and Ksamil. The highlights were a speedboat tour to Grama Bay, visiting caves and secluded beaches in Ksamil, and paragliding for the first time.
“I’ve had Albania on my mind for a few years after seeing a photo of the Albanian Riviera,” Dovi says. “I love emerging destinations, and with tourism in Albania just starting to flourish, I wanted to experience the country before it becomes more popular.”
For Dovi, some of her cost-saving methods came down to booking hotels in person (one hotel offered her a discount and room upgrade), taking buses vs taxis, and choosing an inexpensive, up-and-coming destination.
“Try and choose destinations where the cost of living and tourism prices are reasonable,” she says. “You’ll enjoy more value for your money, which means fewer compromises and a better experience overall.”
Cartagena and Medellin, Colombia
Brittany Smith
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If you’ve been thinking about visiting Colombia, consider this your sign. Educator and freelance writer Brittany Smith traveled to Cartagena and Medellin, Colombia, on a week-long trip, and she was drawn to the destinations because of their affordability.
“Colombia has been on my bucket list for a while now because of what I've heard about its food scene, the scenery, nightlife, and more specifically, its affordable options,” she says. “When I researched Colombia, I realized Medellin and Cartagena offered incredible experiences at a fraction of the cost compared to other destinations. Plus, I knew if I could manage to visit both cities, I'd get to experience a perfect combination of city life, history, and spending time in nature.”
Smith says she spent under $800 for a weeklong trip, which covered her food, excursions, and hotel, which she split with two friends. Some memorable moments from the trip included island hopping in Cartagena and a day trip to Palenque, the first free African town in the Americas.
Smith attributed her low-cost trip to using credit card points to pay for her flight and comparing the excursions on platforms like Airbnb Experiences, Get Your Guide, and TripAdvisor.
“One of my best travel-saving hacks is to talk to the people that live there,” she says. “The locals know where the deals are and can hook you up with more authentic experiences if you genuinely connect with them. Also, traveling during shoulder season can help you avoid those peak prices and the big crowds.”
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