Here's the thing about this topic. You can read articles on this platform like "10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single" and "10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'" and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I think singleness is all kinds of wonderful. That's just why I decided to write this piece too. No matter how much your favorite rom-com, love song, friend, auntie or church mother may try to make you think that, as the late and great Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines used to put it, there's nothing better than love, when you do finally meet that special someone and make the mutual decision to become exclusive, as amazing as all of that may be, there is a bit of transitioning that must take place.
For the record, today, I'm not referring to people who are going from "single" to "committed" in the way that tax records reflect (marriage); I'm going to touch on how you can more smoothly alter your lifestyle when you've been kicking it up, making life ONLY about you and now that you've got a boo thang, you need to compromise a bit. If that's exactly where you are in this season, here's how to make adjusting easier.
Embrace That There Are “Levels to Commitment”
Before we get deeper into the details, let's first discuss the fact that when it comes to romantic relationships (and even love yet we'll have to get into love at another time), there are definitely levels to this thing. For instance, deciding to only have one sex partner is a level. Deciding to be exclusive is a level. Deciding to work towards seeing if you should live together or get married is a level. And all of these dynamics require a different kind of adjustment.
That's why, the first thing I recommend is that you and your partner talk about what type of commitment you're about to get yourselves into. Because believe you me, the expectations that come with deciding that they are going to be the only person you have sex with (with nothing else really changing) vs. pondering marriage with them within the next 12 months, those are on two totally different levels of a relationship — especially when it comes to making adjustments to your lifestyle.
Don’t Sacrifice Friends (Who Support Your Transition)
A huge red flag (that I honestly see in both men and women) is dating someone who expects you to get rid of or spend significantly less time with your friends. Matter of fact, while it really is "to each their own", I'm not big on folks who think that people in exclusive relationships shouldn't have opposite sex friends (check out "Unpopular Opinion: Men And Women CAN Really Be 'Just Friends'" and "The Word 'Platonic' Is Sacred. Literally.").
Listen, some of the best people in my life are men — some are single, some are married. The ones who are in a relationship, I make sure their wives have met me and can reach me by phone/email. It's all good. And because of that, those men have benefitted my world in insurmountable ways; in part, because they are men and they see things from a different perspective than I do. So, if I ever do get to a point and place where I end up jumping a broom, I don't expect to give up my male friends nor do I expect my husband to give up his female friends. The only caveat is disrespect. Yet hey, if you've got people in your life who would disrespect your partner, they've probably been low-key disrespecting you for a minute now — whether you've chosen to acknowledge it or not.
Anyway, my main point here is if your social circle is able to remain the same, that can make going from single to a commitment so much easier because your partner will literally feel like surplus in your life rather than the direct result of a billion sacrifices that you will now have to make.
Feel Fine with Maintaining Certain Boundaries
Some people freak out at the mere thought of being in a relationship because they believe that they have to release virtually all personal boundaries when it comes to that particular special someone. The hell you say. Something that I try and make a habit of doing, every time the topic of boundaries comes up, is to remind people that a boundary is a limit — it's a way of conveying how far someone should be allowed to go. And yes, that definitely should apply to an exclusive dating situation. Realistic expectations are a boundary. Deal-breakers are a boundary. Wanting them to respect your other priorities is a boundary. Your money is a boundary. Again, going from a single situation to a committed relationship doesn't mean that you don't set limits with the person you are seeing. It basically just means that the limits you have with them may be more flexible than the ones you have with others.
Give Each Other Space to Miss Each Other
A pretty telling sign of a new relationship is you want to be around that person — a lot. That's totally understandable. Everything is fresh (which makes it intriguing). Plus, you're learning so much about them and what makes them tick (and vice versa). However, once you decide to take things to another level, it's OK — advisable even — that you step back a little bit. While initially that might sound a little odd, there is some real truth to the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You know what else it does? It helps you to keep some balance when it comes to the other things in your life that are also important.
Back in the day, I had a particular boyfriend who I actually really enjoyed spending time with. However, when we went from close friends to more-than-friends, sometimes he annoyed me because, while he wasn't a jealous kind of guy, he was kinda on the needy side. While I thought we should check in daily, for him that meant several times a day, along with us being together, most of the weekend, every single weekend. And while some of you may be like, "Yeah so. What's wrong with that?", remember that this article is about how to shift from single to committed, so I'm here to say that choosing to make someone extra special in your life doesn't mean that they have to consume all of it. Weekends with your girls. Sometimes only texting because you need to catch-up with others on the phone. Making plans that don't always include each other. None of these are a sign of something going wrong within the relationship. In fact, it's pretty healthy to be OK with missing your partner sometimes. This brings me to my next point.
Refuse to Be Suffocated
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "6 Signs You're A Love Addict". And real talk, a sign that someone is one is if they think that love (or building something in hopes that it will lead to love) equates damn near suffocating the one they are with. What are some clear indications of that? You and/or your partner constantly needing to know where the other is (these dating folks that track each other on their phones are something else to me, chile). You and/or your partner texting nonstop to the point that it's distracting y'all from other responsibilities. You and/or your partner not knowing how to have free time apart. You and/or your partner trying to low-key control each other's lives. You and/or your partner emotionally manipulating each other to get more time together or attention from the other.
If any of this is going on, while on the surface it might seem romantic, it's actually not. Nothing grows if it's not given air and space to do just that and someone who suffocates their partner actually comes off as needy and/or distrusting and/or jealous. Going from single to committed shouldn't make you feel like you can't breathe. If you do, something is up. And off. Way off.
Plan “You Time”
Y'all, I can't tell you how many times I've had a married person say to me in a session that they've lost sight of who they are. In part, because so much of them has become wrapped up in being a spouse and/or a parent. It really is unfortunate how many people think it's a beautiful sentiment that "two halves make a whole" because the reality should be that a whole person and a whole person come together to make a whole relationship.
Whole means complete and being complete is super healthy. And you know what? A huge part of what comes with being whole is being intentional about spending some quality "you time". Do some self-love journaling. Turn your phone off sometimes. Go on a solo road trip. Start a new hobby (then commit to partaking in it on a consistent basis). Take out a weekend to finish a book. Devote time to the side-gig you've been wanting to get off of the ground. Go hiking or for a bike ride. Make a standing pampering appointment. Schedule your own movie night. Sleep in.
I promise you that it's quite evident, the couples who have self-love vs. the ones who use their relationship to compensate for the self-love that they lack. And one of the main things that couples behind Door #1 do is they set aside time for only themselves. When you and yours do this, the time together is so much more fulfilling. It truly is.
Don’t Act Married…Until You’re Married
I say it (fairly) often because I absolutely believe it to be true — a lot of people get divorced because they date like they are married rather than like they are single. Which they are (single, that is). Because you know what? Something else that I say is you technically stop being single when your taxes reflect that you are something different. Until that time, why act like a wife until you are one (check out "7 Things That Make Marriage Different From Seriously Dating")?
Just like I said at the top of this article that there are levels of a commitment, it's important to keep in mind that marriage isn't just about putting on a white dress and throwing a big party — it should signify that your relationship overall, yes, went to another level. For that to be the case, there have to be some other benefits and "bonuses" that come with saying "I do" — ones that are different from simply dating another person.
While those standards may differ from relationship to relationship, as this all comes to a close, the main thing to keep in mind is going from single to committed isn't very stressful at all if you remember that you are indeed still single — just with some extra privileges and activities that didn't transpire prior to "going official". Get that down pat and the transition will be smoother than you may have initially thought that it could be. Guaranteed.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert