

Something that has come to fascinate me more, more and more over time, is what pH balance represents when it comes to our overall health and well-being. Another term for pH balance is acid-base balance which basically represents how much acidity and alkalinity are in our blood, especially as it relates to our lungs, kidneys and body buffer systems.
Monitoring your pH balance has to do with a scale of sorts. Blood-wise, the numbers are between 0-14 with 0 being strongly acidic and 14 being very alkaline (or base). The key is for your system to remain as neutral as possible by hanging somewhere around 7-7.45 (because blood is naturally more acidic) at all times. When this doesn't happen, health issues can arise including fatigue, high stress, indigestion, insomnia, lung and kidney challenges — oh, and vaginal drama.
Today, we're gonna talk more about the vaginal side of things. How to know what your vagina's pH is supposed to be, what to do if your pH is a little off and how to keep things on track (balanced) as much as possible. Ready?
What Is Your Vagina’s pH and Why Does It Matter?
When it comes to your vagina's pH levels, specifically, it's important to know what it is because it lets you know if your vagina is truly healthy or not.
Remember how I said that when it comes to your blood, you're in good shape if you're in the midway part of "7"? Well, as far as your vagina goes, the level that you need to be looking for is somewhere between 3.8 and 4.5 (although it should go on record that during your reproductive years, your pH is usually closer to 4.5 yet loses acidity as you head towards menopause, taking it to around a 5). What that range basically means is your vagina's pH is normal although it's leaning towards being acidic.
This is important to know because acid is what helps to protect your vagina from infections; however, if it's too acidic (under 4 or so), that can actually put you at risk for bacterial vaginosis (a bacterial overgrowth), a yeast infection (a fungus overgrowth) and trichomoniasis (an STD). Not only that but high acidity can also affect your fertility, if you're not careful. The reason behind that is it's easier for sperm to move around in a more alkaline environment. Just one more reason to keep your vagina as healthy as possible.
And just how can you know for sure that your vagina's pH is right where it's supposed to be? Thankfully, there are at-home tests that consist of you holding some pH paper on one side of your vagina for a few seconds. Then you compare the color on the paper to the color on the chart of the test to see what your results are. Since these tests are as effective as the ones that doctors use, it's an inexpensive and convenient way to see if your vagina is "lining up" with where it should be. You should be able to find vaginal screening tests at your local Walmart or drugstore (like CVS).
And just what can cause a vagina's pH to get out of balance?
What Can Throw Off Your Vagina’s pH?

There's no way around the fact that our vaginas are pretty sensitive. That's why it's so important to know what can throw your vagina's pH balance off. Your menstrual cycle (and pregnancy) can do it because menstrual blood has a way of raising your vagina's pH levels. Antibiotics can do it because not only do those tend to get rid of the bad bacteria that causes a disease or ailment but the good bacteria as well (which is why you should up your probiotic intake if you are currently on an antibiotic prescription; probiotics help to replenish good bacteria in your system). One of the reasons why douching is an absolute no-no is because it also increases your vagina's pH.
Consuming a lot of sugar isn't a good idea because yeast and bacteria feed off of sugar and the overgrowth of either can throw off your pH and lead to a yeast infection. Super tight clothes or panties that aren't made out of breathable fabrics like cotton aren't good for your vagina's pH because the combination of heat and moisture is also ideal for bacterial growth. If you're sleeping with more than one person, use a condom; sperm is alkaline and can trigger bacterial growth (especially with "unfamiliar" semen). Stress is another thing that can throw your vagina's pH levels way off too (more on that in a bit).
So, say that your vagina's pH isn't where it's supposed to be. What are some clear indications of that? A change in your vaginal discharge (especially if it's frothy, green and/or itchy). A fishy smell. Vaginal irritation. A burning sensation when you urinate.
When Should You See Your Doctor About Your Vagina’s pH?

So, what if you take a pH test and it does reveal that "your numbers" do not fall between the 3.8 and 4.5 mark and/or you've got any of the symptoms that I just mentioned? Should you make an appointment to see your doctor if that is the case? Possibly.
What I mean by that is, if the symptoms point to a yeast infection and you've already had one of those before, usually it's fine to just go to your local drugstore and get what you need to heal it (unless you've had more than one in the past six months or it doesn't seem to go away with over the counter treatments). However, if the symptoms are different, more extreme or there is a foul odor, don't "Google your way" into a solution. As much as I'm all about a home remedy, sometimes you can make matters worse if you find yourself "treating" the wrong ailment because you misdiagnosed the issue.
5 Ways to Maintain a Proper Vaginal pH Balance
Now that you know what to do if your vaginal pH isn't hanging around the numbers that it should, let me end this with some proactive ways to keep that from being an issue in the first place. The good news is all of these tips are pretty easy to implement.
Take a probiotic. There are good and bad bacteria in your vagina. Aside from eating less sugar, something else that can keep bad bacteria from totally taking over is taking a probiotic supplement. As far as which ones you should take, check out The Healthy's "12 Best Probiotics for Women" for a good point of reference. Also, foods that are naturally high in probiotics include Greek yogurt, fermented foods like pickles, kefir and sauerkraut, raw cheese, brine-cured olives, apple cider vinegar and sour cream.
Watch what goes into your vagina. So, here's the thing about semen — it has a pH of being somewhere between 7.1 and 8 (very alkaline). When you engage in sexual intercourse, your vagina's pH naturally rises in order to become more alkaline and protect the sperm (so that conception can transpire). However, what this can also do is make your vagina way more vulnerable to bacterial growth. That's why, unless you are in an exclusive long-term relationship, it's really best to wear a condom every time. And what about rubbers? Can they mess up your pH too? While technically they could, if you happen to experience a vaginal reaction, it's probably more about being allergic to latex because studies reveal that consistent condom use actually decreases the chances of having an imbalanced vaginal pH.
Ditch tampons. Growing up, I wasn't "allowed" to use tampons. In college, I "rebelled" and started to use them. In my 30s, I went back to pads and now I'm all about the menstrual cup. My mother used to always say that period blood shouldn't just "sit" in a woman's vagina; it needs to flow out. I agree. And you know what? Something else that blood-filled tampons can do is throw your vagina's pH levels off. Just one more reason to try a menstrual cup (by the way, if you've got a high cervix, INTIMINA's Lily Cup is all good things).
Drink water. Something else that having an imbalanced vaginal pH can do is lead to a urinary tract infection (UTI); not that it "causes" a UTI. It's more like, being that this kind of infection is typically the result of Escherichia coli (E. coli) and bacteria thrives in toxins, drinking lots of water can help to keep toxins out and remove bacteria on a consistent basis so that you're less susceptible to a UTI occurring.
Keep your stress levels down. Last fall, I wrote "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?" for the platform. It's all about signs that your vagina is stressed. One red flag is your discharge is different which is usually directly connected to your pH levels. Listen, if anything can put your hormones in influx which can wreck your sleep and diet which can lower your immunity and make your vagina more susceptible to bacterial and fungal growth, it's stress. So, whether it's a person, place, thing or idea, please be hypervigilant about not allowing anyone or anything ruin your peace. There's a huge chance that your vagina will show all the way out if it does and as you've already read, that's just one more reason why being stressed is totally not worth it. Not at all.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
- Holistic Care Vaginal Health Wellness - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- After Sex Hygiene, After Sex Vaginal Care - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Best Foods For Healthy Vagina - Optimal Vaginal Health - xoNecole ... ›
- 10 Things Your Vagina Wants - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- Treat Chronic BV - Bacterial Vaginosis - Holistic Health - xoNecole ... ›
- Vaginal Health, Diet Changes pH Balance - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Best DIY Feminine Wash, Vaginal Wash Recipes - xoNecole ... ›
- Itching Vagina After Sex: Normal? Causes? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Different Vagina Smells Meaning - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Vaginal Health Resolutions To Improve Your Vagina - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Causes Vaginal pH Imbalance Symptoms BV - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Once upon a time, I knew a married couple who told me that they wouldn’t even discuss with each other who they found to be attractive on television because, in their minds, that was a form of cheating. They’re divorced now, and although there are a series of reasons why, it was always strange to me that things were so restrictive within their relationship that they couldn’t even share a fleeting thought about how someone looked.
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
Whenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
As I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
It’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
During the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy