In addition to getting to the bag, the girlies want to know how to get to the orgasm – the intense ones that make you feel like you have superpowers. The topic of women and orgasm is often discussed and it’s mostly because they don’t happen often when, in reality, they should be! However, many factors work against women including society’s centering on male pleasure and penis people with antiquated rhetoric that implies women are meant to provide pleasure – not to receive it.
And even when men don’t think about this we’ve spent so many centuries discussing male pleasure–from the biblical to the pornographic that even the most well-meaning men can’t or don’t know how to deliver. This is not to say that there aren’t men out there who have an attitude that says “girl, fuck you” but that there’s lots of wiggle room for learning. As is the case for anyone.
In the words of one of my favorite TikToks (yes, my ability to speak TikTok is now a prerequisite of writing): prepare to be sick of me. Why? Because I’m that girl, the one willing to talk to you until you’re blue in the face (and maybe elsewhere) on this subject matter. I want you and your partner to be able to read the room, and while communication will play a large role in that, so will knowledge which comes in various forms (communication included).
However, today – here and now – we asked 3 experts about the best ways to reach uber-intense orgasms with your partner. Here’s what they had to say.
Add More Clitoral Stimulation Before & During Penetration
“There are two major reasons why people with vulvas get the short end of the orgasm gap: penetration, especially intercourse, often doesn't stimulate the clitoris enough to help the person get to orgasm (the clit is the homolog to the penis and tends to be the center of sexual sensation for those who have one); and also, stimulation often doesn't go on long enough to help a person get to orgasm. This doesn't mean you should believe what you read in your spam–that a person with a penis needs to last all night. But, it does mean that the duration and focus of stimulation usually matters.
"So it will help to make sure the partner with the vulva is fully aroused when penetration intercourse begins. Often that is also sidelined--but what some call foreplay and I call arousal activities is what's missing in many couples' sex lives. Longer-duration intercourse can be great too–but only if the person being penetrated is fully turned on when it commences. Thrusting does not generally turn on a not-yet-turned-on person. It can even feel irritating, painful, or worse.
"From this, you may have noticed that I am advocating for high arousal. You pretty much cannot have amazing orgasms (or most orgasms) without it. From there, duration may make the orgasm even more amazing. But being turned on first is key. And of course, more clitoral stimulation (whether it is either partner adding pleasurable stimulation to the clit; oral sex; or playing with a vibrator before or during intercourse) are other ways to make this magic happen.” - Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist
Experiment With Learning How to Have a Cervical Orgasm
"What you probably haven’t heard of is the cervical orgasm. But don’t fret, that’s only because there’s little research to confirm or deny its existence. The cervical orgasm concept is potentially authentic, but I personally question whether this is more of a whole-body experience that’s producing a releasing effect. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The cervix is a donut-shaped portion of the uterus that’s made entirely of cartilage. Located at the lower end of the uterus, the cervix prevents whatever enters the vagina from going deeper than it should.
"The center of this inch-long tube is said to be highly sensitive. When stimulated, it produces a strong orgasmic reaction that runs through the body, though its power is entirely dependent on the individual. The issue with orgasms stemming from the cervix is that, unlike the vagina and clitoris, there aren’t many nerve endings in the area, which is why a cervical orgasm is actually the result of other nerves–like the clitoris–being stimulated. It’s quite possible that some women do have innervation or nerve conduction, and therefore experience sensation at the cervix or near the cervix. But it’s not a common place for women to report orgasmic responses.
"However, there is indeed a sacred or goddess spot located just under the cervix that promotes an ecstatic orgasmic response. The best way to encourage cervical orgasms is through deep penetration. And fret not, men with 'below-average penises,' because deep penetration can be achieved through toys as well. Because no one orgasm is alike, the best way to find out how deep penetration works for you is through regular experimentation. In this case, gauge which speed and depth feel best for your partner.
"Additionally, I recommend experimenting with cervical orgasm when the woman is already aroused, as the flood of chemicals makes the deep thrusting sensations feel more amazing than painful. I also believe the best odds at attaining a cervical orgasm is to attempt it during or close to ovulation as the cervix is lower and easier to reach. Do not continue if it’s painful. Instead, keep her aroused. Lube helps. Cervical orgasms are easiest to achieve when women are close to orgasm.
"But most of all, it’s important to note that you must be gentle when experimenting with the cervix as it is an entirely new sensation that can cause pain. Let her lead the way. This is for her benefit, after all.” - Dr. Mike Anderson, Ph.D., Sex & Relationship Expert
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Give the Body Ample Time To Be Efficiently Aroused
“It's true that a lot of women aren't reaching their full orgasmic potential. If a vagina owner is not efficiently aroused before starting penetration or clit stimulation, it’s not going to result in the orgasm of their fullest potential. Don't skip the build-up. It's a major factor that determines how intense your orgasm is. Get aroused, build it up to the heavens, and then get into direct stimulation! Edging might be a great way to reach intensified orgasm quickly or try simultaneous stimulation for an intense blended orgasm.
"It's all about arousal level and build-up time. To really get the most out of penetration or any kind of vulvic stimulation, you need to be efficiently aroused. Getting to that point may look different for everyone. But if you can spend ample time teasing, touching, or talking (whatever floats your boat), your orgasm will thank you. [When you] give your body time to respond to the stimulus the vulva and vagina will fill with blood making every touch that much more blissful.” - Lauren Johnson, co-founder of sexual wellness & sex education brand Berry Lemon
The one thing that stands out from each expert is that there are two keys when providing a more intense orgasm for your partner which require arousal and stimulation. Though each expert provided various ways to achieve a more intense orgasm, the recipe begins and ends with these two things. In my opinion, it translates to attentiveness – requiring selflessness and time – so do be sure that you’re able to provide your partner with these things when pleasure is on the table.
That's the tried and true recipe for a more intense orgasm with your partner.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider
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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil
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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C
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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST
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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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