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Here's How To Have More Intense Orgasms During Sex, According To Experts
In addition to getting to the bag, the girlies want to know how to get to the orgasm – the intense ones that make you feel like you have superpowers. The topic of women and orgasm is often discussed and it’s mostly because they don’t happen often when, in reality, they should be! However, many factors work against women including society’s centering on male pleasure and penis people with antiquated rhetoric that implies women are meant to provide pleasure – not to receive it.
And even when men don’t think about this we’ve spent so many centuries discussing male pleasure–from the biblical to the pornographic that even the most well-meaning men can’t or don’t know how to deliver. This is not to say that there aren’t men out there who have an attitude that says “girl, fuck you” but that there’s lots of wiggle room for learning. As is the case for anyone.
In the words of one of my favorite TikToks (yes, my ability to speak TikTok is now a prerequisite of writing): prepare to be sick of me. Why? Because I’m that girl, the one willing to talk to you until you’re blue in the face (and maybe elsewhere) on this subject matter. I want you and your partner to be able to read the room, and while communication will play a large role in that, so will knowledge which comes in various forms (communication included).
However, today – here and now – we asked 3 experts about the best ways to reach uber-intense orgasms with your partner. Here’s what they had to say.
Add More Clitoral Stimulation Before & During Penetration
“There are two major reasons why people with vulvas get the short end of the orgasm gap: penetration, especially intercourse, often doesn't stimulate the clitoris enough to help the person get to orgasm (the clit is the homolog to the penis and tends to be the center of sexual sensation for those who have one); and also, stimulation often doesn't go on long enough to help a person get to orgasm. This doesn't mean you should believe what you read in your spam–that a person with a penis needs to last all night. But, it does mean that the duration and focus of stimulation usually matters.
"So it will help to make sure the partner with the vulva is fully aroused when penetration intercourse begins. Often that is also sidelined--but what some call foreplay and I call arousal activities is what's missing in many couples' sex lives. Longer-duration intercourse can be great too–but only if the person being penetrated is fully turned on when it commences. Thrusting does not generally turn on a not-yet-turned-on person. It can even feel irritating, painful, or worse.
"From this, you may have noticed that I am advocating for high arousal. You pretty much cannot have amazing orgasms (or most orgasms) without it. From there, duration may make the orgasm even more amazing. But being turned on first is key. And of course, more clitoral stimulation (whether it is either partner adding pleasurable stimulation to the clit; oral sex; or playing with a vibrator before or during intercourse) are other ways to make this magic happen.” - Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist
Experiment With Learning How to Have a Cervical Orgasm
"What you probably haven’t heard of is the cervical orgasm. But don’t fret, that’s only because there’s little research to confirm or deny its existence. The cervical orgasm concept is potentially authentic, but I personally question whether this is more of a whole-body experience that’s producing a releasing effect. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. The cervix is a donut-shaped portion of the uterus that’s made entirely of cartilage. Located at the lower end of the uterus, the cervix prevents whatever enters the vagina from going deeper than it should.
"The center of this inch-long tube is said to be highly sensitive. When stimulated, it produces a strong orgasmic reaction that runs through the body, though its power is entirely dependent on the individual. The issue with orgasms stemming from the cervix is that, unlike the vagina and clitoris, there aren’t many nerve endings in the area, which is why a cervical orgasm is actually the result of other nerves–like the clitoris–being stimulated. It’s quite possible that some women do have innervation or nerve conduction, and therefore experience sensation at the cervix or near the cervix. But it’s not a common place for women to report orgasmic responses.
"However, there is indeed a sacred or goddess spot located just under the cervix that promotes an ecstatic orgasmic response. The best way to encourage cervical orgasms is through deep penetration. And fret not, men with 'below-average penises,' because deep penetration can be achieved through toys as well. Because no one orgasm is alike, the best way to find out how deep penetration works for you is through regular experimentation. In this case, gauge which speed and depth feel best for your partner.
"Additionally, I recommend experimenting with cervical orgasm when the woman is already aroused, as the flood of chemicals makes the deep thrusting sensations feel more amazing than painful. I also believe the best odds at attaining a cervical orgasm is to attempt it during or close to ovulation as the cervix is lower and easier to reach. Do not continue if it’s painful. Instead, keep her aroused. Lube helps. Cervical orgasms are easiest to achieve when women are close to orgasm.
"But most of all, it’s important to note that you must be gentle when experimenting with the cervix as it is an entirely new sensation that can cause pain. Let her lead the way. This is for her benefit, after all.” - Dr. Mike Anderson, Ph.D., Sex & Relationship Expert
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Give the Body Ample Time To Be Efficiently Aroused
“It's true that a lot of women aren't reaching their full orgasmic potential. If a vagina owner is not efficiently aroused before starting penetration or clit stimulation, it’s not going to result in the orgasm of their fullest potential. Don't skip the build-up. It's a major factor that determines how intense your orgasm is. Get aroused, build it up to the heavens, and then get into direct stimulation! Edging might be a great way to reach intensified orgasm quickly or try simultaneous stimulation for an intense blended orgasm.
"It's all about arousal level and build-up time. To really get the most out of penetration or any kind of vulvic stimulation, you need to be efficiently aroused. Getting to that point may look different for everyone. But if you can spend ample time teasing, touching, or talking (whatever floats your boat), your orgasm will thank you. [When you] give your body time to respond to the stimulus the vulva and vagina will fill with blood making every touch that much more blissful.” - Lauren Johnson, co-founder of sexual wellness & sex education brand Berry Lemon
The one thing that stands out from each expert is that there are two keys when providing a more intense orgasm for your partner which require arousal and stimulation. Though each expert provided various ways to achieve a more intense orgasm, the recipe begins and ends with these two things. In my opinion, it translates to attentiveness – requiring selflessness and time – so do be sure that you’re able to provide your partner with these things when pleasure is on the table.
That's the tried and true recipe for a more intense orgasm with your partner.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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50 Cent Is Celibate And Might Be Open To Marriage In The Future
50 Cent wears many hats. He's a rapper, actor, executive producer of the very successful Power franchise, author, and father. With such a hectic lifestyle, the "21 Questions" artist has also decided to vow celibacy. He first revealed that he was celibate in a New Year's post in January.
"My new idea is so big, I don’t have time to be distracted I’m practicing abstinence, I have been meditating and focusing on my goals. I hope this New Year helps you excel to the next level," he wrote.
And he elaborated on his decision during his recent visit to The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. "Listen, when you calm down you can focus," the 49-year-old mogul said. "I've been good to me."
He also explained how his financial status can complicate things and being celibate helps him see things clearer.
"[Money is] when things start getting complicated, things start getting confusing cause people come in for different reasons," he said. "If you go on a date but you have no interest in anything, I can see you now. I said, ‘God damn, girl, you fine, but you ain’t got nothing going on."
When Stephen asked if The Accomplice author has ever been married, he responded with, "I am safe. I’m not a happy hostage. I’m here. I’m free. I made some mistakes, just not that one."
Later on in the interview, 50 clarified that he still wants a romantic relationship and possible marriage down the line, but that's not his focus at the moment. "I want someone I can love in my life too, just not right now. I’m fine."
50 has had a lot of high-profile relationships, from Vivica A. Fox to Ciara. Here's a look back at his relationships below.
Shaniqua Tompkins
Before 50 became famous, he was dating Shaniqua Tompkins and they share a child, 27-year-old Marquise Jackson. For years, the former couple have been involved in a back-and-forth over their son and eventually, the rapper's relationship with Marquise turned sour.
Meagan Good
Meagan Good confirmed in a Hollywood Unlock interview that she and the Queens-bred rapper did date in the past. They reportedly dated from 2002 to 2003, and she starred in his music video for "21 Questions."
“Just to bring clarity on that, that was over a decade ago, and it was for about a year. … I kept it under the radar intentionally because…at that time in my career, I’d just come off of Biker Boyz, I’d just done the music video, and my career was going in a really great way," she explained. "And what I didn’t want was my connection to him to be the catalyst in any type of success that I had."
Vivica A. Fox
Photo by KMazur/WireImage
50's relationship with Vivica A. Fox might be his most memorable one yet. After publicly complimenting her on her dress at the 2003 BET Awards, they showed up at the MTV VMAs together later that year. Their love affair was brief, but their public feud lasted years. Two decades later, they seem to have both put the petty past behind them.
Joy Bryant
Joy Bryant and the "In da Club" rapper reportedly dated from 2005 to 2006. The two were co-stars in Get Rich or Die Tryin' and had impeccable chemistry. However, it seems they couldn't replicate that chemistry offscreen.
Ciara
Photo by Johnny Nunez/WireImage
The "Can't Leave Him Alone" collaborators dated from 2007 to 2010. In 2012, Ciara revealed why they ultimately called it quits during an interview with the Ricky Smiley Morning Show. “He’s obviously far from afraid of anything that he can control. But at the same time — him not being afraid of anything in that way — the one thing he is afraid of is love," she said. "And with that being said, in a sense, he’s afraid of me.”
Chelsea Handler
The couple that surprised everyone the most was 50 Cent and Chelsea Handler. The comedian called the mogul her favorite ex. “I love 50 Cent, he was fun. He was just a sweetheart, and he was fun to be around,” Chelsea told Entertainment Tonight in January 2023. “My friends loved hanging out with him. I loved hanging out with him. It was a pretty short-lived romance. It was only two months. But yeah, I mean, If I saw him, I’d definitely have a drink with him.”
Daphne Joy
50 dated model Daphne Joy from 2011-2012, and they share a 12-year-old son, Sire. The Grammy award-winning artist is currently suing his ex for defamation after she accused him of rape. This accusation came after 50 asked for sole custody of their son following Lil Rod's sex abuse lawsuit against Diddy, which alleged that Daphne was a longtime sex worker. The model has also accused her ex of abuse in the past.
Jamira "Cuban Link" Haines
Photo by JC Olivera/Getty Images
Jamira Haines, known on social media as Cuban Link, and 50 began dating in 2019. Since then, they have made many public appearances together and have been posted on each other's social media pages. However, it appears the law school student and the rapper are no longer together. While neither party has confirmed the breakup, Jamira has scraped her social media with any traces of 50.
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