Ask Ayana Iman is a weekly advice column where real women anonymously submit their questions about work, life, and love. In response, a certified life coach drops some much-needed gems. Check out this week's segment below.
Dear Ayana Iman: I am with a guy and he lives with his child’s mother. They broke up and she is about to move out of the house, however, lawyers are involved because she wants all the money back she spent on remodeling his kitchen. I feel weary most times because the process is taking too long. Sometimes I think they are making things work and not separating, other times, I remind myself that it will soon be over. He and I work together and hang out majority of the days. I feel like I’m running out of patience.
Sis, there is no loving or humping good enough to accept a piece of a man. Broken up or not, he's involved in a messy situation and you have chosen to join him. What you're currently feeling is your intuition telling you to get out. If he loved you, he wouldn't ask you to be a part of this situation. If you loved yourself, you wouldn't stick around.
Let's put things into perspective:
Man meets women. Man moves in with woman. Man has baby with the woman. Man meets another woman. The cycle continues.
I don't care if he was unhappy in his relationship, that is not an excuse to start another. His selfishness has created drama that cannot be undone with the child's mother moving out. The process is taking long because it's the breaking up of a family. Children are a lifetime commitment. That means she may be out the house soon but her presence will be felt at all times. You damn right she wants the money back from remodeling the kitchen. That woman is in pain and you are a part of the problem. It's not about the breakup. It's the blatant disrespect from a man she loved, with whom she had a baby and made a house a home.
You mentioned you work together - this is another issue. Office relationships are tricky to navigate, even in total bliss. Since you are emotionally invested in him, it may be worth considering a new role in the company or elsewhere. You need a clean break to start fresh away from him and his drama. If you choose to stay, there may be adverse consequences, like disciplinary action from HR if there is a policy against interoffice relationships, tension that affects your productivity, and compromised relationships with your coworkers. Sadly, your reputation can become marred from gossip.
This is not worth losing your integrity. You deserve more, honestly.
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Dear Ayana Iman: I told a guy I was crushing on him. He told me he was emotionally unavailable and going through a lot. I'm 23 and trying to get over the rejection but it's hard. How do I get over someone who never really wanted me in the first place?
This was not rejection, a divine intervention, maybe but not rejection. The only thing you need to do is to let go and move forward. He had the decency to not lead you on and was able to communicate his inability to commit. Would you rather he didn't tell you the truth and drag you through a possibly painful experience? Your worth is not determined by the amount of pain you take.
Trust me, relationships don't have to be complicated for you to experience real love.
I know you're young in age and this may feel like the end but it's not. Word of advice, the next time someone tells you their truth believe them. Whatever he's going through needs to be worked out between him and God. Now is not the time to put on your cape; you can't save 'em all.
Do you have a question about love, life, career, wellness, etc. that you'd like for life coach Ayana to answer in a future Ask Ayana Iman segment? Submit your questions here for a chance to have your question answered! Click here for past Ask Ayana Iman posts to see if your question has already been answered or to read past stories/advice!
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RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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During a Club Shay Shay interview, the actress shared, “My divorce shook me to my core. Lord, you asked me to be celibate, and I was; you told me to marry, and I married that person. I tried to do everything to the best of my ability, and no, I didn’t do everything perfect, but I don’t know if I could do anything differently if I’m being honest.”
Haunted by the fear that her husband would abandon her after 10 years of marriage, mirroring her father's leaving her mother, she was profoundly shaken when it became a reality. As Good describes, it required a significant journey of prayer, introspection, and education to guide her toward a place of healing, wholeness, and happiness. “It was a lot of rediscovering God and realizing that sometimes the way that we see and understand things is not that it’s not true, but we come into different seasons.”
Little did she know, her new season would include Lovecraft Country star, Jonathan Majors. The pair built their relationship on friendship. “We met at an event and it was just instant chemistry,” she told PEOPLE. Good continued, "I wasn't really in that mind frame. Then we re-met again about four months later, and I was like, 'Oh f---, this is going to happen.' And it did."
Now that our good sis is leaning into this new chapter and her new forever, let’s take a look at Meagan and Jonathan’s relationship history.
June 2022: Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin Finalize Divorce
Meagan ends her 9-year marriage to producer and preacher DeVon Franklin. The split is a major transition for Good, who had been in a relationship rooted deeply in shared faith and public life. She takes time to focus on healing and rediscovering herself after a highly publicized marriage.
March 2023: Jonathan Majors Faces Legal Troubles
Jonathan Majors is arrested in New York on domestic violence charges after an altercation with his then-girlfriend. The incident generated widespread media attention, putting Majors' personal life under public scrutiny. As his legal situation unfolds, Majors remains mostly silent about his dating life.
April 2023: Rumors of a New Romance Begin
Speculation about Jonathan’s' romantic life resurfaces in April 2023 when sources hint at a budding relationship between him and Meagan Good. The news was surprising to many given his ongoing legal issues and Meagan’s recent divorce. They were reportedly spotted at several private gatherings together, though neither confirms the relationship publicly at this stage.
In an interview with PEOPLE, Meagan said, “Someone saw us somewhere going to a movie and then kind of reported it, and it was like, 'Should we shut it down or not?' And I was like, 'No, because people have a perception of you that's not true. A perception of who you date that's not true.' So if this is what it is then at some point they're going to find out.'”
May 2023: First Public Outing
The couple was seen together for the first time publicly in Los Angeles. They were photographed holding hands, which quickly sparked dating rumors. Their appearance together came as a surprise given the backdrop of Majors' legal battle. Friends of Good reportedly expressed concern but also indicated support for her choices during this period.
Leon Bennett/Getty Images
June 2023: Confirmed Relationship
Multiple media outlets confirm that Meagan Good and Jonathan Majors are indeed dating. Sources close to the couple reveal that they started seeing each other earlier in 2023 and that their relationship grew quickly.
In New York City, Majors attended a hearing at the Manhattan Criminal Court, accompanied by Good. Photographers captured the couple holding hands as they entered and exited the courtroom.
September 2023: Majors Refers to Good as "The Missus"
For the first time, the couple publicly acknowledged their relationship during the Congressional Black Caucus' eighth annual Black and White Gala, co-hosted by Good and Larenz Tate, held in Washington D.C.
In a speech, the Eve’s Bayou star said, “We’re just so happy to be here with y’all tonight, celebrating us, celebrating the moves we’re making, celebrating the way we love and support each other, the way that we shift the world. Let’s enjoy ourselves!”
“So many beautiful Black faces. I love us, y’all! We are so beautiful! That’s all I got. I’m just happy to be here and I love y’all!” After delivering her speech, she handed the podium over to Majors. “Babe, you want to say anything?”
Majors then said, “Y’all heard the missus, so that’s what it is.”
November 2023: Solidifying the Relationship
On November 29, 2023, as Major's trial commenced, Good demonstrated her unwavering support by accompanying him to the courtroom, where they entered hand in hand. Throughout the trial, she continued to make appearances, steadfastly standing in solidarity with the actor, conveying a message of unity and unwavering commitment.
According to a source close to the couple, Jonathan's challenging experience has strengthened their bond. Meagan's unwavering courage and resilience have been a constant source of support for him, solidifying their relationship further. In the front row of the courthouse, the actress took a reserved seat behind him. As they entered and exited the courtroom, she repeatedly placed her hand on his back. Additionally, Good's mother joined them as the trial commenced.
February 2024: Cohabitation
According to a reliable source via PEOPLE, Good and Majors' bond remains strong and filled with love. Their relationship deepened, as they moved into the charming Greenwich Village neighborhood of New York City together. The couple shares a 3-month-old Belgian Malinois puppy, adding to their shared happiness. In addition, the source revealed that Majors and Good embarked on a memorable cross-country road trip from Los Angeles to New York City, making a heartwarming stop in Texas to visit Major's mother. This journey further solidified their connection and highlighted their unwavering commitment to each other.
Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images
March 2024: Red Carpet Official
At the 7th Annual African-American Film Critics Association (AAFCA) Special Achievement Awards Luncheon in Los Angeles, the couple made their first joint appearance on the red carpet, where they shared a brief update on their relationship with Extra. When asked about how they were doing, Majors responded, "In love... We're doing good, thanks for asking." Good added to the response, "We're doing great. God's good."
Summer 2024: A Different Love
At the 2024 BET Awards, the icon shared with Entertainment Tonight, “This love is different because I don’t have any fear anymore. I feel complete freedom and that’s a wonderful place to be.”In their relationship, even Jonathan actively encouraged her not to be with him, intending to protect her. However, she was confident in her ability to handle the complexities of their relationship. While speaking with People she said, “ ‘My love, first of all, you’re dealing with a Black Leo,’ ” she continued, “I grew up in this industry. The things that I’ve been through gave me the bandwidth to love other people, regardless. So when we got together it was like, this is going to be a lot, but you got the right one.”
Emma McIntyre/WireImage
November 2024: He Put A Ring On It
At the EBONY Power 100 Gala in Los Angeles, Majors and Good happily announced their engagement while speaking to PEOPLE. "We're thrilled," the actress exclaimed, displaying her stunning diamond ring. Majors beamed, "It's a time of pure joy."
We're all on the edge of our seats, waiting to see what happens next in this couple's story.
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Featured image by Emma McIntyre/WireImage