Going on the hunt for a new job can be both exciting and frustrating, and more of the latter if you don't have a solid plan. You might get to the point where you've sent out hundreds of resumes, attended dozens virtual job fairs, and hit "Instant Apply" on LinkedIn more times than you can count, yet still no offers. You also might be growing tired of the rejection emails, the multiple interview rounds that lead nowhere, or the low-quality correspondences about jobs that are way below your experience and pay grade. Figuring out how to find your next gig can be more than draining.
If any of this sounds familiar to you or you feel seen, we've got you covered with a better way to attack your job search and come out the victor:
Elevate your online presence.
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More than 50 percent of recruiters are using social media to find job candidates, according to recent research, so it's time you up the ante on the web. You'll need to get creative, and there are so many cool and free ways to do this. You can set up a free Wix or Weebly website or a simple About.me page with your photo and resume presented in a way that is both visually pleasing, informative, and engaging. Keep it simple but allow it to reflect your personality and who you are outside of what you do. (And, unless you're in a creative industry, don't go too crazy with colors, fonts, and other elements that might be distracting. Keep it clean and let the storytelling about who you are and what you offer shine).
You can also spruce up your Instagram, LinkedIn, or Twitter pages by getting some professional headshots done and updating a bit more often with posts that include insights on solving a problem or highlights on your niche knowledge, experiences, and expertise.
If you're into shooting videos, start a YouTube channel discussing issues you're passionate about (job- or industry-related, of course) and again, keep it simple (unless you're a whiz at video production and editing).
Go old-school.
So you've only been relying on email or private messages? Sis, you might have to actually visit a few offices in person (if safe and possible). Call and inquire about a recent job post, and ask about additional information so that you can strategize a better way to approach applying. Connect with an executive assistant, receptionist, or maybe even someone who might become your future coworker—in person.
Attend in-person fairs instead of virtual ones. While you might not want to shove a resume in someone's face at a conference or panel, a brief face-to-face encounter is a good icebreaker for when you do follow up with an email about a recent job opening.
(And take your resume anyway. You never know if your perfect moment to shoot your shot might come up. Be sure to read the room. This is where good social skills and strategic initiative come in.) If unsure, just get their contact information to cultivate a relationship and work your way toward that perfect moment to pitch yourself in the future.
Get a coach or connect with a head hunter.
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Sometimes it's best to get some help from a professional who can be your sounding board for your frustrations, assist you in creating a better strategy, and connect you with legitimate job leads. This is especially important when you have more than 10 years of experience in the industry because, at that point, you'd be looking for opportunities that reflect your growth, career fulfillment needs, and salary requirements.
The best place to start is LinkedIn because you want to be sure you're getting a person who's about results and has credibility.
Many career coaches and headhunters detail their experience, background, methods, and success stories on LinkedIn, and finding one can lead you to others who might be a good fit.
Also, try contacting your former college's career center or alumni office to get information on people who provide coaching or headhunting services. Check out resources like the National Career Development Organization (NCDO) or the Professional Organization of Resume Writers and Career Coaches to find reputable professionals. (And here's a good time-saving trick: Do a bit of digging into their social pages. Oftentimes you'll find professionals you can reach out to among their follower lists.)
Consider civic, internship, fellowship, or volunteer work.
Don't roll your eyes just yet. When you're unemployed or are changing careers, ain't nobody got time to give away their time for free or for lower pay than expected. But hear us out, sis. If you've already been hitting job search walls for a while, it won't hurt to offer a few hours a week toward volunteering for an organization, entrepreneur, or company initiative in order to spark relationships, showcase your abilities and build trust in your potential to become a paid employee. (And even if it doesn't lead to a job at that company or brand, it's an experience that you can market for another opportunity.)
It could be a breast cancer advocacy walk where you know certain sponsors and their key executives will be involved. It could be a church event, local school program, a blood drive—even a political or advocacy march or demonstration. Position yourself to not only do good but to be in the presence of others who might have job leads.
Internships and fellowships (even if you're past your college days) are also great for getting your foot in the door and gaining experience.
Post-grad internships provide opportunities for professionals who have already earned degrees but do not fit the requirements of traditional internships. Most fellowships provide some sort of stipend, grand, or modest salary and might even include benefits, relocation funds, and health insurance.
Another option is military enlistment or applying for the Peace Corps (which is an independent non-military entity). The age limit for some military branches goes up to 35, and both paths provide a great way to not only expand your horizons (both mentally and physically) but to cultivate and apply your skills to a multitude of industries and roles while serving.
Broaden your standards and think outside the box.
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Don't limit yourself by the degree you earned or the industry you've always worked in. True, some jobs require certain certifications and specialized education, but many jobs rely on transferable skills. For example, you could have a bachelor's degree in marketing but your skills might be ideal for a sports organization, news outlet, or nonprofit, not just for a marketing agency or advertising firm. Or let's say you've been an educator in a traditional school system for five years. Well, that same leadership, class management, and lesson plan composition skills could be used for corporate training, research, or standardized test development.
Love fashion but you're a tech geek? Get your foot in the door via IT or graphic design, and then work your way into a different department. If you've always worked in the for-profit sector, why not explore nonprofits and use your talents there? Only looking at the big Fortune 100 companies? Why not get your feet wet first at a startup or mid-sized brand?
You have to think about the long game in order to win in sustainable career advancement, so sometimes taking the alternative or nontraditional route to gaining employment is a better idea in the long run.
For more job search tips, career advice, and profiles, check out the xoNecole Workin Girl section here.
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Anyone who remembers the movie (and sequel) isn’t shocked by that because those two had trust issues to the 10th power — and that’s kind of why I’m starting this article out by bringing them up. As far as what you should think long and hard about before getting all up in your partner’s phone, I’ve covered that before in the article, “Before You Go Through His Phone, You Should Know What The Law Says About It.” Today, though, let’s talk about whether or not it’s a good idea for you and your partner to follow each other on social media.
Because although you might think this is a “duh” kind of topic, it actually…isn’t.
Here’s What Data Says About Social Media and Relationships
GiphyLet’s start all of this with a brief social media history lesson.
If you’re someone who happens to remember the social media platform Six Degrees, I’m impressed because it’s considered to be the first solid evidence of social media; the real ones are going to recall that Black Planet made its way into cyberspace in 1999 (a couple of years after Six Degrees). By the early 2000s, we had MySpace, Friendster, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and even LinkedIn. Before we knew it, by 2015, at least 65 percent of Americans had at least one social media platform with almost 70 percent of them hanging out on Facebook alone. This meant that now, more than ever, folks had access to more information and individuals at one time than ever before — and as with most things in life, there were pros and cons to that.
Since today, what we’re focusing on is the impact that social media can have on long-term romantic relationships, I’ll share some of the downsides of it when it comes to things like marriage.
Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, infidelity, having unrealistic expectations, making unfair comparisons, or even experiencing low-key paranoia, sadly, we are now at a point where some studies say that social media is a top issue (if not a main cause) in at least one-third of divorces (other studies say that social media significantly impacts one in seven divorces and a particular study even cited that Facebook plays a huge role in one in five divorces).
And although some of these situations can be debated based on what one’s personal perception is (for instance, one study says that 45 percent of Americans consider their partner following an ex on social media to be a form of infidelity), one thing that I think we all can agree on is social media has proven that it can complicate matters, as far as relationships go.
So, while keeping all of this in mind, what do research and relationship experts say when it comes to whether you should get a front-row seat to whatever may be happening on your partner’s social media pages?
Well, this HuffPost article features a woman who says that she and her man spend enough time together offline that engaging online isn’t really necessary. Independent’s article, “If you love someone, don’t follow them on social media” shares that social media can easily get you caught up in the “un-realness” of it all that your relationship could end up becoming a soap opera without you even noticing it.
A relationship expert who was featured in Men’s Health’s “Stop Following Your Significant Other on Social Media” article said that if your relationship already has some pressures and stress in it, social media isn’t going to do it any favors. Plus, it can negatively impact how two people in a relationship communicate with one another.
Hmph. Sounds to me like you and your bae following each other online seems like it could ultimately do more harm than good. And although this certainly doesn’t apply to everyone, I do think there are some things that you should really ponder before requiring this in your own relational dynamic.
Know Your WHY
GiphyWanna get to the root of why you want or are about to do something? Know your why. “Knowing your why” basically consists of figuring out the true motives and/or underlying reasons for why you’re about to say or do something — and when it comes to following your partner on social media, you should definitely spend some time contemplating this.
If you need a bit of help with figuring your true why out, in the business world, there is something known as “the five whys” (some use “5” instead). It’s basically about resolving a problem by asking enough whys that will help you to get to the root of it.
For instance, if I said to you, “Why do you think that you and your partner should follow each other on social media?” and you said, “Because I want to be aware of what they are doing on there,” then my next question would be “And why is that?” and if you said something like, “Because I trust my man but I don’t trust the strangers that he engages with” (if you trust him, that should be enough, by the way) and then I said, “And why is that?” and you say, “Because one time I went on his page and saw some comments from people that I didn’t know and it bothered me” and I say, “Why?” and you say, “Because it reminded me of a time when an ex cheated on me and I never really got over it” and I follow up with a fifth why, “And you say, because, deep down, I think all men are unfaithful” — BAM, we just got to the root cause of WHY you want to follow your partner and it actually has little to do with wanting to engage in some light online fun and entertainment.
Accepting that why can help you to work through some issues that you are putting on social media that actually don’t have a ton to do with it (or your partner) at all.
Now, am I saying that every person who follows “their person” online has some deep-rooted issues? Absolutely not. Some couples follow each other and don’t think any more about it beyond following any other person who they care about. All I’m saying is if you are unbending about doing it, you should look into what that is all about. Your “why” could be quite telling.
Social Media Could Possibly Jack Up Your Intimacy
GiphySomething that kind of irks me is when people say that social media is not the real world. Chile, being social is real and media is real, and if it was just play-play, why are so many folks so consumed with and by it? Just like there can be “fake folks” at your job, in your church, and even in your social circles offline, there can sho ‘nuf be disingenuous individuals out in the social media streets; however, that doesn’t mean that social media isn’t…REAL. And the reality is that people, on average, spend somewhere around 2.5 hours daily on social media.
And if one of the people who you are “checking for” online is your partner, that can waste precious time that the two of you could be spending together. It can also cause you to communicate more online than face-to-face. Don’t believe me? Chile, I can’t BELIEVE how many clients I’ve had who argue via text. SMDH. You can’t read tone in text. Messages are oftentimes abbreviated in text. Lawd, although text was created to be a “get to the point” convenience via cell phones, it was never supposed to replace authentic communication and dialogue about serious matters. And for some people, social media pretty much does the same thing.
Couples will “fight” on social media. Couples will throw passive-aggressive shots on social media. Couples will get mad at each other and then DM each other based on things that they saw on each other’s pages via social media. Does any of that sound healthy to you?
Another way that social media can mess your relationship up? Not too long ago, I was talking to an older married man about why divorce rates seem to be higher now than back in his day. He tickled me when he said, “We used to miss our spouses because we weren’t on the phone or on some damn computer interacting with each other all damn day long.” He’s got a point. If you’re engaging, one way or another, with your partner throughout the day, that could result in you having little to say once you get home. That’s not good.
Some other things to consider when it comes to being connected on social media: well, while reading an article on a legal mediator’s website about how social media can cause breakdowns in marriage, the author said that it can be due to things like unwarranted jealousy via comparing yourself to other people, trying to control your partner’s social media (or how they choose to engage in it) and/or misinterpretations that can cause conflict (like getting mad when they like a picture or misreading an emoji that someone puts in the comments).
Drama. All this drama that could be avoided if you both agreed to let social media be one thing separately so that the two of you can build a solid foundation and spend some genuine quality time offline.
When It Comes to Healthy and Long-Lasting Relationships, Privacy Is King
GiphyAnother reason to not follow your partner online: is to keep everything private. Think that isn’t a valid point? Well, Hip-hop artist Method Man has been married to his wife, Tamika for 24 years (this year) and he has said on multiple occasions that the key to marital success is not to talk about your relationship. Actor Morris Chestnut will celebrate 30 years of marriage in 2025 to his wife, Pam and he has also said that “It’s best to keep my private life under wraps because the more you put out there, the more stories get made up.” (Interestingly enough, he also once said that flirting on social media is a deal-breaker.)
Actor Kerry Washington has been married to her husband, Nnamdi Asomugha since 2013 and they are also notorious for not discussing their relationship. Reportedly, she once told Glamour, “I have girlfriends in this business who talk about their personal lives, and it works for them, and I love it. But not for me. I learned through experience that it doesn’t work for me to talk about my personal life.” And y’all, I don’t really get how privacy is effectively and consistently maintained if you and your partner are all up on and in each other’s social media all of the time.
Indeed, if you want to set (and maintain) healthier boundaries, keep outside influences down to a minimum, and reduce the amount of opinions, perceptions, and negativity from infiltrating your relational bond — privacy is king. Online as well as off.
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Chile, I already know — some of y’all read all of this and you’re not budging. LOL. You’re going to require that you and your partner follow each other on social media and that’s all there is to it. To each their own. I just hope that you at least now see that there is a method in the madness of opting not to do it and it could actually bring more peace to your relationship by choosing not to do so.
Besides, no one said that you need to block each other. I simply said to consider the benefits that come from them not popping up in your feed nonstop. I mean, you do have each other’s number and you are a huge part of each other’s lives, right? In a healthy and solid relationship, for many…that is more than enough.Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
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