Have you ever tried to stop yourself from having an orgasm…on purpose? I have and let me be the first to tell you how amazing of an experience it is. Edging is the practice of bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm without going all the way. Tension builds, pushing your mental and physical body to its edge—literally— delaying full gratification. I was introduced to edging by a past lover, who got a kick out of increasing my arousal without letting me orgasm. The buildup would literally make me feel like I was going to burst.
All About Edging
Think of edging like a rollercoaster. The orgasm is the adrenaline release you feel at the end of the big drop. As you slowly take the rollercoaster up toward the top of the hill, edging would be what happens when the rollercoaster climbs up for the big drop only for it to be a twist and turn instead. The buildup of anticipation is the difference between an amazing rollercoaster and a not-so-great one. The same holds true with edging, it's the determining factor for all earth-shattering orgasms.
What Exactly Is Edging?
The practice of edging has grown popular in the sexual health world as a form of “better orgasms,” however edging has been around for more than a half-century. In a 1956 paper published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, James H. Semans introduced the “stop-start method” to help people last longer before reaching orgasm. He suggests stopping sexual stimulation before orgasms, waiting about 30 seconds, and then stimulating yourself again, repeating until you’re ready to orgasm. On a more holistic level, edging can make you more aware of your own sexual responses both solo and with a partner, bringing mindfulness–a powerful tool–into the bedroom.
Having an orgasm for some women is easier said than done, but incorporating edging could make it less difficult to achieve. According to a 2014 study, women who masturbate are more likely to achieve orgasm during sex. 1 out of 96 women in that study reported it was easier to achieve orgasm during masturbation than partnered sex. As I say often, you have to get to know your body in order to know what arouses you. The best way to figure out what works for you is by trying out the edging technique during masturbation.
Masturbation provides the opportunity to get to know your own body better and what really sets it off when it comes to pleasure. Not only does it help increase the chances of having an orgasm, but including edging into solo play also helps to intensify them. OMGYes, a website focused on bringing attention to the female orgasm, reports that 66% of women who edge have longer, more intense orgasms.
The Benefits of Edging and Orgasm Control
Edging is also helpful for those who may prefer or need more time to get aroused. For example, people who experience premature ejaculation may find edging beneficial because it can increase the duration of sex before orgasm. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that men last an average of 5.4 minutes before finishing during penetrative sex. In comparison, a 2019 study found that it takes women an average of 13 minutes and 25 seconds to have a real orgasm—almost three times as long.
Edging can help partners get in sync. Increasing the duration of sexual activity can also change the dynamics by shifting the focus. When someone senses they are about to orgasm, they can change the intensity by slowing down, changing position, or stopping altogether.
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How to Practice Edging Alone
There are several ways to practice edging and you can go about it however you'd like. If you want to explore edging by yourself, I suggest using your hands or a toy. It’s important to keep in mind to move slowly, paying close attention to your body’s signals. When you feel like you’re close to orgasm, that’s your cue to slow down or stop completely.
The next step is to cool down and rest to a point where your orgasm won't take over. Try breathing deeply or running your hands over your skin. Let your body simply enjoy a different form of touch. Think about what brought you close to orgasm, and note how your body feels. When you’re ready, you can start again and go through as many cycles as you like.
Love vibrators? Experiment with different speeds and pay attention to how your body reacts.
How to Edge With Your Partner
Edging with a partner can involve hands, mouths, and toys. Talk about how to signal when one of you needs a break. It can be a word or a gesture, whatever works best. Experiment with changing positions or intensity when one of you gets close to orgasm. Switch from penetrative sex to touch, or from oral stimulation to using a toy. You can repeat this cycle as many times as you’d like. The more cycles you go through, the more blood will flow into your pelvic area. This helps build excitement and can lead to more powerful orgasms.
Another edging technique is tantric sex. Tantric is all about going slow, being intentional, and tapping into the energy between your partner's body to enhance the experience of sex. To try tantric edging, inhale slowly as you're about to orgasm. While inhaling, try to visualize slowly pulling the orgasmic energy from your vagina or penis upward toward your head. Then go back to providing that direct stimulation, repeating this process again and again. In tantra, this is believed to help you experience a full-body orgasm.
Whether you want to try edging alone or with a partner, remember getting to know your body is always a good thing. Plus, edging leads to more intense orgasms, and who doesn’t want more intense orgasms?
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Cardi B, who endorsed Harris, said she felt "really sad" after Trump's win and, in an Instagram Live, added, “I swear to God, I’m gonna f**k you up. Get away from me! I’m sick of you!” referring to Trump supporters.
The Aftermath of Kamala Harris' Loss
Supporters react as Democratic presidential nominee, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris concedes the election during a speech at Howard University on November 6, 2024, in Washington, DC.
Brandon Bell/Getty Images
Shavon Arline-Bradley, president and CEO of the National Council of Negro Women (NCNW), told The Guardian that Harris’s campaign of inclusion and strong support from the Democrats’ most loyal voting block – Black women – could not withstand “the wall of white nationalism and racism and classism and sexism and misogyny.”
Another woman told the publication that when she “woke up on 6 November and saw that Trump had won the election,” she was “disgusted, disappointed, just annoyed, really annoyed.”
While feelings of disgust, annoyance, fear, anger, and anxiety might be quite justified considering the contentious nature of Trump’s campaign, his felonious background, his statements on foreign policy, and the violent behavior of his supporters, there are key lessons from Harris’ loss that can we all can be inspired by.
As Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the first woman elected to become president of an African nation, wrote for AllAfrica.com, “Seeing Kamala on the campaign trail, strong and resilient, gave girls and women everywhere a vision of what's possible. Her journey reminded us all that setbacks don't define you; they shape you.”
“This campaign has shown that even when the ultimate goal is just out of reach, the courage to try again matters. Women are ready, willing, and more than capable. The path may be tough, but it is also wide open.”
Here are a few more reasons Harris’s loss shows the power of failure and how we can learn more from a failure than from success:
1. Failure builds resilience unlike any win could.
Oftentimes, tying the word “resilient” to Black women can seem like a problematic broken record, but the truth remains that resilience is a vital trait for leaders in business.
As actress, producer, and entrepreneur Issa Rae has said, “You didn’t fail. You’re still alive. Are you stopping? … You have an opportunity to continue. … I grow and I get better.” Before producing and starring in HBO’s Insecure, she’d taken a break from college to pursue shopping a script in Hollywood and going for that full-time and failed.
That was at least 20 years ago. She’d press on to launch her own YouTube show that later morphed into a top-rated iconic HBO drama. She and the Hoorae Media team have brought several other scripts to screen, with Rap Sh!t, A Black Lady Sketch Show, and Sweet Life: Los Angeles, to name a few.
2. Failure allows us to exercise our ability to pivot, innovate, and incorporate new strategies and approaches.
One good and pivotal example of this is Oprah Winfrey’s foray into launching a network. According to the Los Angeles Times, she famously said, “A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness,” a key notion when, during the early days of launching her network, the ratings were tanking. OWN just didn’t offer what was marketable or competitive at the time.
The network adjusted its offerings, adding reality TV and celebrity-focused programming as part of a larger plan to compete in the market. Today, it’s seen record ratings quarters and continues to offer top shows like Queen Sugar, Belle Collective, and the Love & Marriage franchise.
When the Lip Bar founder Melissa Butler appeared on Shark Tank in 2025, all five investors rejected her idea, calling the lipsticks “clown makeup” and “colorful cockroaches.” Butler took one of the judge’s more constructive feedback, becoming the face of the business, and more than a decade later, the brand is a multi-million-dollar company with an expanded line of cosmetics sold in large retailers like Ulta Beauty and Target.
3. Failure prompts a bold humility that allows for authentic connection with others and better servant leadership.
Oprah has also said, after Beloved was noted as a “flop” by her agent at the time, “It taught me to never again–never again, ever–put all of your hopes, expectations, eggs in the basket of box office. Do the work as an offering, and then whatever happens, happens.”
The best leaders know that they’re not the smartest in the room, must sometimes lean on and help others in order to truly be great in their role, and that humility is a quality that leads to sustainable success.
Think about these words from another woman who is a clear leader in her lane: “I really think a champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall,” tennis champion and investor Serena Williams told The National. “I have fallen several times. Each time I just get up and dust myself off and I pray, and I’m able to do better or I’m able to get back to the level that I want to be on.”
What Could Be Next For Kamala
While there are no confirmed reports of Harris’ plans once she’s officially out of office in a few months, there are many options for further civic involvement, advocacy, legislative change, and even another run in 2028. One expert points to the fact that the previous candidate, John Kerry, lost and came back as a cabinet member in the Barack Obama administration.
(It’s also worth noting that Shirley Chisholm, the first Black candidate to seek a major party's nomination for President of the United States, and the first woman to run for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination, continued serving in the House of Representatives after an unsuccessful bid for the nomination. In 1977, she was elected as Secretary of the House Democratic Caucus.)
Other experts say there’s the option of running for Congress or governor to make an impact in those roles. She could also start her own law firm or serve in other ways within the private sector.
If Harris is holding to the values and drive she exhibited in the 107 days she had to campaign for U.S. president, this isn’t quite the end for her legacy, and this so-called “failure” will only be a catalyst for an even greater movement toward service and advancement.
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