There are some people in my life who struggle with committing to the vegan lifestyle. It's not so much because they hated giving up meat; it's more about the fact that they found veganism to be a little bland and inconvenient. A great example they would give me is the thought of eating out became so frustrating that, more times than not, they'd just stay at home.
If you're someone who is nodding your head in agreement, then this article is personally dedicated to you. Choose to see it like a cheat sheet for vegans who want to dine out. My hope is that it will provide you with enough tips that will motivate you to check out some new places, make specific requests and embrace the fact that, just because you don't eat meat, that doesn't mean that you still can't have a ball while eating out.
If You’re a New Vegan, Know What You Shouldn’t Be Eating
I'd venture to say that one of the best things about becoming a vegan is, since you're probably more sensitive about your diet, you're more comfortable cooking at home; that way, you can know exactly what is—and what isn't—going into your meals. But if you've recently decided to give veganism a shot, you like going out to eat but you're nervous about what to order, let's start with the things that are a no-no. Meat (including anything seafood-related) is a given, but remember that vegans avoid all animal products, including dairy. This means no milk, butter, cream or cheese. This also means no eggs. Or gelatin (it comes from collagen that is produced by animals) or even bee products; this means no honey.
What's up with the whole bee thing? Well, passionate vegans feel that to consume anything that bees make is a form of exploitation because bees actually make honey for themselves, not us. Yeah, that might sound a little over the top, but don't shoot the messenger. If you want to read more about this, check out this article, this article and this article.
Then Focus on What You Can Eat
I know, right? That sure is a lot of stuff that you have to overlook on a restaurant menu.
The silver lining is, think about all of the other things that are left—fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, seeds, mushrooms, pulses (like chickpeas and lentils), herbs, spices, oils, vinegars, condiments and plants (like seaweed).
If you really let this list sink in, that still leaves literally hundreds of possibilities.
Check Out a Restaurant’s Online Menu
I don't know about you, but nothing irks me more than making plans to meet a friend at a restaurant, hopping online to Google the eatery's website and either it doesn't have one or their site is down. First impressions are important so, more times than not, that will automatically make me want to take a pass. An online menu is not only good marketing for the restaurant and convenient for their customers, it can take a lot of guesswork out for vegetarians and vegans. These days, many restaurant owners are well aware that their business can't truly thrive without some great vegetarian and vegan options. So, definitely look online before heading out to see if the restaurant you're considering has dishes that you're actually interested in.
Or, Feel Free to Call Ahead
Unfortunately, a lot of us update our personal websites more often than businesses update theirs. That's why, if you can't seem to find what you are looking for on a particular restaurant's site, you should call ahead. Another benefit that comes with taking this extra step is you can ask if there are any new or specialty vegan items that might not currently be on the menu, along with if the chefs are willing to customize certain dishes. That way, you can know exactly what you are getting yourself into before you arrive.
Consider More Ethnic Cuisine
A lot of Americans continue to be big time meat consumers; that's a part of the reason why so many restaurants have a ton of meat options but oftentimes limited vegan and vegetarian ones. That's the bad news. The good news is many Indian, Mexican, Thai and West African (which is a big 2020 food trend) restaurants have some really delicious dishes that contain absolutely no meat. When you think about it, that can be another benefit of going vegan—you can try different foods from other cultures. Why not give it a shot?
Confirm That Non-Meat Meals Are Prepared Separately
With articles floating around in cyberspace like "Plant-based 'meat' isn't always vegan or even vegetarian, and that's a common misconception that needs to be clarified", don't you feel the least bit self-conscious or uncomfortable about asking your server if the vegan meals are prepared on a different grill or in different pans than meat-based dishes are. You'd be amazed how many aren't (especially in fast food restaurants) and a lot of places aren't going to volunteer that information. If they say "no" or "I don't know", ask to speak with a manager. Remember, you're not at your grandma's house for Sunday dinner. You are paying for your meal. You should get what you want, just how you want it.
Request That Dairy Be Substituted
A lot of sauces have some form of dairy in them whether it's milk, cream or even yogurt. If you do see a dish that you want, you like the sauce, but you don't want any dairy to be in it, ask for a substitution. Perhaps a milk substitute like hemp, oat or almond milk. When it comes to cheese, see if they've got any cashew cheese (a wonderful Brie substitute), hemp seed crumble cheese (a great Parmesan substitute) or Daiya cheese (which is a good mozzarella substitute). As far as the actual cooking goes, an oil or mashed avocados can replace butter.
As far as desserts are concerned, there are all kinds of dairy-free ice cream brands now. Or you can order a sorbet. If you want something with whipped cream on top, whipped coconut milk can scratch that itch. If something has condensed milk in it, see if the chef has any maple syrup; a blend of it and coconut milk is an awesome substitute. (This dairy point is another good reason to call ahead.)
Ask to Speak with the Manager (They Can Handle It)
If, for some reason, your server wants to give you a hard time about your requests or you've got a recommendation that you think will make it easier on other vegan eaters, please don't hesitate to ask for the manager. They are there to handle things that servers may not be able to. Also remember, if they are not able to suit your needs, go by my customer service motto—every manager has a manager.
Oh, and if the service does prove to be outstanding, make a point to tell the manager and to post an online review. This can make it so much easier for other potential customers who are looking to have a delicious vegan-friendly dining experience.
Try Something New
If y'all ever make your way to Nashville, if there's one thing we don't lack, it's places to eat. Although I've been living here since I was about four, I must admit that it wasn't until last year that I set out to try as many new restaurants as possible. Boy, am I glad that I did! It's expanded my palate and altered my perspective a bit on the place where I live. If you're new to veganism and all you do is go to the places where you once had your favorite ribs, steak or hamburger, you could easily get frustrated by the limited options that are at your disposal. But if you decide to try some new spots, you could end up being very pleasantly surprised. Start your cuisine quest by checking out articles like "50 Best Vegan-Friendly Restaurants In The USA", "The Best Vegan (and Vegan-friendly) Restaurants in All 50 States" and "Veg Out: 20 Top Vegan Restaurants from Coast to Coast" to see if your city made the lists. Then go to your favorite search engine and put "best vegan restaurants" along with your city and state in the field to narrow down your search.
Treat Yourself
Just because you're vegan, that doesn't mean you can't turn up a little bit. If you want to have a cocktail with your meal, do so. If you're hesitant because you'd prefer for even your alcohol to be vegan, Barnivore is a website that offers a pretty comprehensive list of beers, wines, and liquors that are exactly that.
Being vegan doesn't have to be synonymous with boring. It also doesn't have to keep you in your own kitchen all of the time. With a little research and interaction with the restaurant staff, you can have a wonderful dining experience. You might even teach them a thing or two too. Enjoy!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Meet The SHEeo: Chef Adyre Mason Of The Veggie - A Vegan Comfort Food Delivery Service
How This Shamelessly Slutty Vegan Started A Culinary Revolution
How I Transitioned My Meat-Loving Family to a Plant-Based Vegan Lifestyle
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images