People always talk about the power of networking, and some of us are masters at it. And it's not necessarily just about making a great first impression. It's the follow-up game that leads to real connection and longevity. But there's this sad thing going on, sparked by the isolation of the pandemic and the shifts to remote or hybrid work, where people are losing touch with their networks.
Harvard Business Review reports that people's professional and social networks have decreased by 16 percent. It also found that people with fewer connections at work "have a decreased sense of belonging" and are "less likely to identify with the organization, which puts them at higher risk of turnover and burnout.
Whether you find yourself always being the first one to reach out after meeting a new person or you flop when it comes to really connecting with someone after a session of networking, you're not alone. It's common to struggle with keeping in touch with new people you've met, especially when life starts life-ing, but it doesn't have to be an annoying, petty dance of who's going to call who.
Here are a few steps that have helped me, as an extroverted introvert seeking more adult friendships and new professional connections, keep the good vibes going beyond that first happy hour or conference link-up.
1. Simply put: Unapologetically make the first, second, third, or even fourth move after meeting.
Sometimes, we do have to humble ourselves and put in a bit more effort, especially if our goal for this year (or next) is to expand our network and make new friends or industry-support peers. Reach out for that second, third, or fourth time, even if it feels a bit weird.
At my big age, I recently found myself thinking, "I've already made the first move to keep in touch. Why should I follow up again?" but immediately, in doing the self-work, I was led to the thought, "Why not? Who does it hurt?"
It's really not about a battle of wits or pride but a bottom line of what you really want out of life. Are you willing to let go of a few hang-ups to be that person who reaches out a bit more than you might be used to in order to rebuild or renew your social circle? Does it really matter that you had to call, email, or text more than once in order to finally be able to meet up?
If you find that you're the only one after those first few outings, making the first invites or taking initiative, or your attempts to connect are being ignored, at least you know you gave it your best shot, and you've pushed yourself to grow a bit more in the process of expanding your social circle.
2. Find specific commonalities and build off of that in order to keep the engagement going.
If you meet someone at a conference, for example, make plans to meet up at the next one. Maybe you've found out about a great event that might enhance a new acquaintance's skills or help them in their careers. Invite them to attend with you. Oftentimes, people place value on their time and the people they choose to spend it with, and while relationships shouldn't just be built on a "What can you do for me?" approach, we have to consider that as adults, there should be some sort of common ground that gives the budding new relationship a leg to stand on.
Are you both parents? Maybe a play date for the two of you and your kids is a great option. Newlyweds? Go on a double date. Love to travel and know you're going to be in the same city or country next month? Make real plans to link up or travel together. Into fitness? Schedule walks or fun activities together or coordinate times to meet up at the gym.
Step out on faith, humble yourself, and be open to the possibilities of this, and, above all, have fun with it so it doesn't feel like pressure.
3. Share fun, educational, or relatable information on a regular basis.
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It's great when someone in your network thinks of you and sends a relevant article, program information, or educational tidbit that might help you in your career and vice versa. Again, adding value is part of nurturing adult relationships, and this is a great way to spark conversations, find ways to deeply engage, or show who you are and what you're into.
Whether it's an email, social share, or a quick chat to catch up, find ways to connect with the sharing of useful, fun, or interesting information. It doesn't always take a 30-minute call or long text thread to keep in touch with someone. Sometimes, a simple forwarded email with a mention that you're thinking of someone can go a long way to keep the lines of communication going. This is also a way to be more subtle and less forceful when trying to stay in touch with someone new.
4. Respond to texts, emails, and/or calls within 48 hours.
I know people fight for their lives debating about this online, but I think it's fair to at least acknowledge someone's call, text, or email with a follow-up within at least two days after receipt unless there's a major reason you can't. And even if there is a reason, a simple "I've received your message and will get back to you soon" will suffice. Keep it real if you're super busy or going through something personal so that the person doesn't feel like you're simply brushing them off.
I know, I know. You might be thinking, "We're adults. They should know we get busy and life happens." While this is true, making a commitment to expand your network will require a bit more transparency and trust on your part. You might be stepping out of your comfort zone, but that's what new experiences are all about.
Again, if networking and growing your social and professional circles is really a goal, you have to be available, strategic, and open to actually connecting with people. This isn't something you can do in a casual way since, for these purposes, you truly want to enhance your quality of life by making sure you are interacting with and building relationships with other amazing people.
While you won't be able to force things---as you shouldn't---trying these four simple steps serves as a good starting point to show that you're serious about making and keeping new friends to help you navigate the career success you deserve.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak