Consider These Key Things Before Quitting Your Job For Self-Employment
Self-employment is something many people prefer or aspire to, as being your own boss is both admirable and empowering. And women are bossing up more than ever, representing almost 40% of all self-employed professionals. Being self-employed myself, I can attest to the benefits, but like everything in life, there are two dueling sides to every coin. And if you're considering taking the leap from 9-to-5er to self-employed, there's a lot to consider before totally pulling the plug on your day job.
Here are a few things to know, from my own experience, before transitioning into self-employment:
1. Recognize that self-employment is not entrepreneurship.
There are key differences between being an entrepreneur and being self-employed that many people get all mixed up and confused about. The terms are often used interchangeably, but they are definitely not the same.
A self-employed person operates just like an employee, often offering services and talents to business owners, nonprofits, or organizations. An entrepreneur typically offers goods and services to a client or customer, registers their business for tax purposes, and can reap the benefits of resources like business bank accounts, financing, and investments.
When you're self-employed, you often don't get paid if you don't work, most typically as a freelancer or on a project-by-project or client-by-client basis. When you're an entrepreneur, you can successfully scale a business where you can reap the benefits whether you're actively working in it or not.
You can indeed launch a one-person business (i.e., as a limited liability company or LLC), but there are requirements related to that, particularly when it comes to taxes. There are also things to consider, such as lifestyle, goals, and risk tolerance. The annual and financial obligations entrepreneurs have aren't the same as self-employed professionals, like additional taxes, filing fees, and mandatory financial reports.
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(I know some of y'all entrepreneurs might be reading this with a side-eye, but hey, not every self-employed person is a business person, and some simply might not want the extra maintenance and responsibilities of having a registered business, no matter the perks.)
While I'm not discouraging any self-employed person from launching a business, knowing the difference between the two is important because it sets the tone for how you approach the work that you do, your expectations on the lifestyle and requirements, and what benefits might be afforded to you.
Many entrepreneurs can employ people, scale their businesses for expansion, get capital investment, and even take days, weeks, or months off without having to actually work yet still reap the benefits. This is often not the case for a self-employed person whose salary largely depends on actual work hours, paid invoices, and strategic budgeting.
2. Inform yourself about the tax obligations and other financial shifts that might happen once you are self-employed.
When you're working a 9-to-5, your company handles taking taxes out of each check. This is not the case for self-employed folk. There's a quarterly schedule that must be followed for federal taxes, and there are other regulations based on the state where you primarily work (even if you're working remote). If you're used to having a hands-off approach to taxes (other than going to the tax preparer once a year), you definitely want to shift your expectations and get to know all the information you can about self-employment taxes.
Also, the way you budget might be a bit different when you're self-employed. If you find, for example, that you're constantly living check to check or that you're used to a guaranteed paycheck every two weeks, you'll need to shift the way you look at how money flows in your household.
Self-employment can include periods where you're not getting paid as consistently, and many companies work with invoices that are paid 30, 60, or even 90 days after you've finished the work you've done for them. Keep this in mind and plan accordingly based on the industry you'll be working within.
Talk to a tax or personal finance professional to find out about how your finances and tax obligation might change once you decide to become self-employed, and then set up a plan so that you won't get caught slipping come Tax Day. The process is different for self-employed people, and this is an important aspect of the process that will save you lots of money and stress in the long run.
I learned the hard way to negotiate, upfront, a set period of time for my services (when applicable and reasonable) to be written into a contract and to set my rates not solely based on my previous salary but considering additional costs like WIFI, travel, health insurance that I have to pay for out-of-pocket, home office technology and tools, and the time it actually takes to complete tasks. The pandemic brought home how super-important this was because, as a freelancer, someone can simply cut you with no compensation or warning.
3. Get to know your true strengths and weaknesses when it comes to work ethic, skills, environment, and motivation.
Self-employment is definitely not for the faint at heart. It can be a constant hustle in the beginning, and if you're not careful, you might end up wondering how you'll pay your rent or car note simply because you don't have clients or work lined up. It's good to be a self-starter and super-organized. It's also good to brush up on your marketing, communications, and sales skills because you'll need to pitch yourself and your background in order to land projects and clients.
While working your full-time job, take a few courses or find a self-employed mentor so that you can strengthen your skills in areas where you might need some improvement (i.e., pitching, online marketing, social media branding, or project management.) Practice self-employment on the side as an intern or with a side hustle so you can learn a bit more about yourself that you might be overlooking while serving as an employee.
Being self-employed means you become multiple departments in one person. For example, your current company provides support like assistants, accounting departments, legal teams, and IT, so you might not be used to having to handle all of those things on your own. For some, this can be overwhelming, while others find the challenge invigorating and worth the sacrifice if it means having autonomy and financial and time freedom.
Also, if you're motivated to do your best by being around teams or working in an office, self-employment might be too isolating for you. True, there are groups and co-working cultures you can join, but it's definitely not the same as having built-in comradery of fellow full-timers at a company. Be aware of these things so that you're realistically making a choice that suits the life you want to live and the work experience you want to have in order to thrive.
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4. Create an emergency fund solely for the transition.
While you're working a 9-to-5, create a separate savings account just for the transition. Anything can happen between quitting your job and getting your first freelance gig, client, or project. When I first stepped out to be self-employed, I thought I had the dream client, only to find out that it wasn't a good fit and I'd be looking for a new one after six months. This might happen several times before you really hit a groove, find your fit, build up your reputation, and get consistent work.
Having a financial cushion outside of your usual emergency fund helps to soften the blow if something like a client loss, a late invoice payment, or an unexpected work-related expense (i.e., computer replacement or broken equipment repair) comes up.
Sometimes, self-employment can include certain up-front costs like renting an office space, investing in new technology or other tools, travel expenses, or hiring other self-employed professionals (i.e., a consultant, web designer, or tax preparer), so you'll want to be smart, be prepared, and keep your receipts.
5. Understand your why.
Every great and sustainable journey starts with a good reason---a "why" that keeps a person going. If you know your why, you're less likely to just give up when things get rough, and you're less likely to make costly, mentally and physically draining mistakes. I decided to go for full-time self-employment because, after more than a decade working in my field, I really felt burned out at the time, began to resent not being promoted as quickly as I thought I should, and saw that I could make more money contracting my skills and talents out than working full-time for one company.
I also loved that I could pick and choose who I worked with and align my values with the projects that I was part of (versus being forced due to being a full-time employee beholden to a contract and the so-called values of a corporation or company.)
I've made quite a few mistakes over the years, but my why remains the same, and when times get hard, I simply remember the overall peace, flexibility, and autonomy I have in serving the women millennial audiences I want to serve through journalism and communications.
6. Be sure that you're offering services or expertise that can be used for years to come and that's competitive.
If you're considering self-employment, be sure your skills are competitive and have a future of need. I knew, even a decade ago, that much of the media industry was going the freelance route, and today, with layoffs becoming commonplace and full-time employee budgets being cut, contract work has become the name of the game. I saw this industry shift coming a mile away, and, like my early foray into digital media before publishing houses were monetizing it, I knew eventually, freelance work would be abundant and preferred.
If you're already doing a job that is in high demand or you offer something niche and one-of-a-kind, working for yourself might be the move. But if you've found that your current skills might be obsolete in the next two to five years, try learning another skill, shifting how you do the work you do, or tapping into another passion that can ensure you're offering something valuable in a market where it's direly needed.
Self-employment can be a joy and a pain, and for many of us, it's the only choice for self-care, mental wellness, and financial freedom. If you're considering taking the leap, take into account these tips and go forward in bold confidence, informed, and prepared.
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Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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1 In 4 Men And Women Are Faking It—Science Explains How To Change That
It’s no secret that I can’t stand fake orgasms. There are a billion reasons why — some of which I will get into in just a moment. For now, what I will say is, even if you can rationalize that faking orgasms will “get you out of” the sex that you may be having at the moment, when it comes to long-term satisfaction and benefits, how is faking it really going to get you anywhere? At least anywhere good — which is what you totally and absolutely deserve.
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
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Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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