
I don't know about you, but I absolutely cannot believe that we have reached the time of the year when this topic even needs to be discussed. I mean, it's like 2021 is on steroids times 10. And yet, here we are. Many of us are vaccinated. The world is opening up. It's hotter than a mutha outdoors. This means that it's time to head to the pool or the beach. Not with a graphic tee and a pair of Bermuda shorts. Nah, sis. Where's your bathing suit at?
If you're already slightly hyperventilating at the mere thought of going through one of your drawers to pull it out or — even better — shopping for something new, I've got 12 tips that can make you feel so much more comfortable and confident in your swimwear. For no other reason than you should. Let's do this, aight?
1. Repeat: There Is No “Perfect Body”. Only Personal Preferences.
Bikini body. We've all heard that phrase before and, if a lot of us were honest with ourselves, it's a HUGE part of the reason why we avoid wearing a bathing suit like the plague. The main thing to remember with this particular point is there is no perfect body. For one thing, very few things are "without flaw" (especially when it comes to humans), and secondly, if ever the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" applied, it would be when it comes to how our bodies look. Some people dig big breasts and a small butt. Some folks prefer small breasts and a huge rump. Some out here like an athletic build. Some are all about the thicker/curvier woman.
Bottom line is, it's all about personal preference. That's why your main focus needs to be on you preferring you. The confidence that comes with that? It will make you look amazing in pretty much anything that you wear (check out "These 10 Hacks Will Help You Love Your Body More").
2. Learn/Recall What Your Body Type Is

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After you develop some inner self-confidence, the next step is to find a bathing suit that complements your body type. This too can help you to feel so much better about how you look in swimwear. To tell you the truth, this is an article all on its own. For now, I'll share a few pointers.
- If you've got large breasts, consider a halter top or a suit with thick straps for support.
- If you've got smaller breasts, go with a padded top or one that has designs on it (to give the illusion that your breasts are fuller).
- If you have a long torso, two-piece bathing suits or ones with horizontal lines can "shorten" your waist's appearance a bit.
- If you have a short torso, a one piece with asymmetrical lines or a suit with designs on the front will help to make your torso appear longer.
- If you're smaller at the top than the bottom (basically, you've got a pear shape), a suit that has a bright color at the top and a darker hue at the bottom can bring about a bit of balance.
- If you're on the curvier side period, avoid solid colors.
Again, this is basically a CliffsNotes version of what to look for. If you'd like to read more about what kind of suit looks best on different body types, check out Who What Wear's "5 New Swimsuit Trends That Work For Every Body Type" article.
3. A One-Piece or Tankini Is Great for Tummies
What if you dig everything about your body except your stomach area? Chile, that is not uncommon at all. The best thing to do would be to invest in either a one-piece or a tankini which is basically a tank top that is made out of a spandex/Lycra/nylon blend that is complemented with a bikini bottom. Both will give you more coverage and support which can make you feel more comfortable. And, when it comes to one-piece suits, they have a way of making you look sophisticated (especially if you wear some cute sandals, wedges or sometimes, even heels with them to elongate your legs).
4. Accentuate Your “Strengths”

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OK. What I mean by "strengths" is two-fold. One, think about the parts of your body that you know are killin' the game. Do you have toned calves? If so, you definitely need to get the right shoes. Do you adore your cleavage line? Then the cut of your suit needs to accentuate that. Does your skin have a natural glow? Where's your bronzer at? When it comes to feeling great in your swimwear, you've got to remember that it's not just about the suit itself; it's about the entire presentation. For instance, if your 'fro is all things, definitely bring it out on swimsuit day!
5. Wear Your Favorite Color
Color psychology is very much a real thing. Matter of fact, when it comes to the hues that you're drawn to the most, it can say a lot about where you are mentally/emotionally. Red speaks to passion. Yellow is all about happiness and hope. Orange is about excitement and enthusiasm. Green is all about health and abundance. Blue keeps you calm and tranquil. The list goes on and on.
Point here is, there's something about wearing a color that we really like that can instantly make us feel good. While there are some shades that complement skin tones better than others, you really can't go wrong with getting at least one bathing suit in your favorite color. It will make you smile and probably improve your posture too. That definitely makes it a worthwhile investment.
6. Rock a Cover-Up

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While your low-key goal may be to wear a cover-up to literally cover up areas of your body that you aren't the most comfortable with, no one has to know that is your motivation. To me, cover-ups are simply another way to add some flavor to a bathing suit. Sarongs can make your suit appear more elegant and festive. A long sheer robe will have you looking like you are floating wherever you are. Your man's shirt (or just an oversized button-down one, period) can be sexy as hell (kinda like when you wear one over some lingerie). Caftan cover-ups are super playful. I really like those because different materials (crocket, knit, organic cotton, silk, etc.) can make them look totally different from casual to something on the dressier side.
7. Accessorize
Who said that you had to go to the pool or beach with nothing on but the basics? Just like accessories can do wonders for an outfit, it can also take swimwear to another level too! A gemstone bracelet. A turban on your head. Fly sunglasses. A big ass straw hat. The biggest fashion bag you've ever seen in your life. The bottom line is to have fun while creating your swimwear style. If you enjoy putting your overall look together, you will radiate the kind of energy that will make people smile, just by looking at you!
8. Do Some Thorough “Prepping”

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I recently saw a picture of a woman whose body was unbelievable. I was still a little put off, though, because she posed in her lingerie in such a way where it was quite clear that it had been many moons since she had done any kind of landscaping down below (if you know what I mean). Look, I know some of y'all are team body hair. It is 1000 percent your right, sis. Do you. For the rest of us, it's important that we make sure to do some upkeep when it comes to body hair if we plan on rocking a suit.
Whether you wax or shave, make sure to get that done. Also, try and do it a couple of days before you plan on putting your suit on, especially if you want to get into the water. Sometimes hair removal processes can irritate the skin which means that your armpits, legs, etc. may need a little bit of time to "recover" first so that the chlorine or saltwater doesn't further irritate it (shea butter and Aloe vera can certainly speed up the healing process, by the way).
9. Make Your Skin Glow
I don't care who it is or what they've got on, one of the first things that I tend to notice about someone is their skin. Beautiful skin is the ultimate in every way! And while having flawless skin is probably the goal for most of us (check out "All-Natural Ways To Get Adult Body Acne Under Control"), I think it's important to also state that freckles, birthmarks and even scars can be quite beautiful. The main thing to focus on here is the quality of your skin. Exfoliate. Deeply moisturize. Hop out of the shower and put on a carrier oil like jojoba, grapeseed or coconut to make your skin appear absolutely radiant. You know what else can make this happen? Making your own bronzer and applying it to places like your shoulders and breasts. Glow, baby, glow!
10. Do an Impromptu Fashion Show

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I recently watched a video of a little baby being tossed into the water, only to almost immediately slightly arch its body and start to float. When someone asked me why I wasn't terrified to see the footage, I simply said, "Babies develop in water in their mother's womb. Water is their first home." That's why, when it comes to actually getting into the water, sometimes, even as adults, we need to stop overthinking and just do it.
When it comes to wearing a swimsuit in public? If you know you don't feel the best about doing it, take a step back and "model" to some family members or friends first. While this isn't so much to get their opinion (although that could prove to be helpful too), the main benefit is so you can feel more comfortable and confident around other humans while you're in swimwear overall. If you can feel good around folks you know and trust, it will give you the courage that you may need to be in your suit around complete strangers.
11. Meditate
While I get that this might sound a little crazy on the surface, think about it. A lot of times, our days end up going south because we start off all tense and anxious, right? Well, if those are the same emotions that you have when you go out in a swimsuit, it makes perfect sense to set aside 10-20 minutes to do a bit of meditating first. Especially since it's been proven that meditation helps to reduce stress, relieve anxiety, improve emotional health, decrease blood pressure and cause you to be kinder — including to yourself. So yeah, while you're in that super cute swimsuit, sit on the floor with your legs crossed and deep breathe in 10-30 five-second intervals before heading out of the door. Getting calm and thinking positive thoughts can be the icing on the cake of feeling more confident in your swimwear.
12. Actually Go Swimming in It

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Some of you might say that this is the biggest "duh" of all of the tips. But you know what, sometimes it's the most obvious things that need to be reiterated. You know how many folks say that we all look the same in the dark? This point, on some levels, applies once we're in water too. While some people like to sit out and tan or whatever, you've got that gorgeous melanin. Girl, at least go wade in the water! Because, at the end of the day, that's what a swimsuit is (ultimately) made for. Right? #wink
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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“Late” is an interesting word. I say that because, based on the situation, being late can actually be subjective.
For instance, if you agree to show up somewhere at 11:30 a.m. and you pop in at 11:45 a.m., you are absolutely late. No wiggle room there. Yet when it comes to something like an apology? I mean, when you factor in a definition for late like “occurring, coming, or being after the usual or proper time” — how do you determine when the proper time should be? Is it supposed to be when you want to hear it, or when someone is ready to offer it and actually means the words behind it?
And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
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It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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