At this point, who doesn’t know what the five love languages are, right? I mean, they’re so popular that I’d also be shocked if most people weren’t also aware that a pastor and counselor (who recently turned 87, by the way) by the name of Dr. Gary Chapman is who came up with the concept. And honestly, that’s why I’m also not surprised that, even though millions upon millions of copies of his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts have been sold (and applied), as of late, there have been naysayers writing articles stating that his theories are not scientifically substantiated.
Uh-uh, if you read a lot of those pieces deeper (like this one here), they claim that there hasn’t been enough data collected to know if quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and/or gifts are truly the ways that we prefer to feel loved by others the most. Hmph. Sounds like a bunch of haters who are pissed that they didn’t come up with the concept first, so I’ll skip over the skepticism and continue to apply them to some of my pieces, thank you very much.
In fact, one of my favorite things about love languages is I think they can — and should — be applied in a myriad of different ways. That’s why, over the years, I’ve penned pieces for the platform like “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language,” “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?,” “This Is How To Apply Love Languages To Your Friendships” — and today, it’s all about how to use the five love languages as it relates to one of the greatest things about you: your vagina (and the outer part of it which is your vulva).
Although it might sound a bit weird to think about love languages in this way at first, I think that after you read this all the way through, you’ll get the importance of showing your uniquely-yours-treasure-trove extreme love, in all five ways, just as much and often as you possibly can.
Quality Time
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Some of y’all might feel some type of way about what I’m about to say but I’m going to say it anyway. Am I the only one who notices how much social media rants about body counts not mattering and yet, at the same time, whenever it’s time to do some spiritual soul-seeking or “getting back to me,” one of the first things that comes up is going through a season of abstinence? Let me tell you something, when I started my own abstinence journey a billion years ago, at first, I just saw it as a break from the physical aspect of sex. Oh, but as I started to do more research on what science says about copulation (like TIME’s “How Previous Sexual Partners Affect Offspring”), it helped me to become even firmer in my stance that I’m not a fan of casual sex — shoot, now more than ever.
Anyway, as far as quality time with one’s vagina goes, honestly, the first thing that comes to my mind is being abstinent for a season (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”). Why? Because when you take time out to not allow anyone into that very sacred space, it can help you to learn about what your vagina wants and needs…beyond sexual pleasure. And honestly, it can help you to tap into your sensual nature on another level too (check out “10 Women Tell Me How Abstinence Actually Made Them...Sexier”).
As far as how long the season should last, that is totally up to you. All I’m saying is that it’s something worth considering. I know a lot of women (and men) who have done it. Not one of them has regretted it.
Another way to look at showing quality time to your vagina is taking a “vagina vacation” because think about it — what happens on vacations? Rest, relaxation, pampering, right? So, why not treat your vagina to one of these? It might seem crazy to wrap your mind around yet there are spas and resorts that are specifically designed to focus on kegel and pelvic floor exercises, treatments that you can give to your vulva, and holistic approaches that you can take to increase your natural lubrication, decrease your chances of having a vaginal infection and improve the overall quality of vaginal intercourse.
My recommendation? Think about the treatments that you want to give your vagina, then select a spa in another city. You can spend the day giving “her” some TLC and then the rest of the time chilling out.
Physical Touch
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If the first thing that came to your mind with this one is masturbation — although I can see why, it doesn’t have to be. There are definitely other ways that you can express “self-love” to your genital region than (just) that. For instance, there is vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”) which is all about giving your vulva and vagina a therapeutic massage for the purpose of providing them both with a level of compassion when it comes to checking out areas where there might be pain, numbness or even areas of discomfort.
While this can obviously be physically beneficial, there are some psychological reasons why this is a wise practice too; for instance, sometimes this type of touch can remind you of some suppressed trauma you might’ve experienced or anxiety that you may have. If that is the case, you may want to discuss it with your doctor and/or a reputable sex therapist.
Another thing that you may want to consider is performing a vaginal self-exam (see “Why You Should Give Yourself A ‘Vaginal Self-Exam’”). This is basically a breast self-exam, just for your vulva and vagina, so that you can see if there are any (physical) abnormalities that you might’ve missed while bathing. Another way to love on “her,” physically, is to simply do a vaginal massage which is also called a yoni massage. Although it’s somewhat similar to vaginal mapping, its main purpose is to simply help you to feel more comfortable with yourself in that space.
Personally, I do vaginal massages in the sense of using a combination of warmed-up grapeseed oil and lavender oil to increase blood circulation to my pubic mound and vaginal lips as well as soften my pubic hair. Anyway, you can read more about vaginal/yoni massages here.
Words of Affirmation
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A couple of years ago, I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “Vaginas Are Like Plants. Here's What I Mean By That.” One of the things that I mentioned in it is the importance of — wait for it — talking to your va-jay-jay. If you think that it’s just something that I made up in my head, check out HuffPost’s (UK) article, “Speaking To Your Vagina Can Help It Thrive, Says Gynaecologist.”
The long short of it is there is a part of our brain known as the reticular activating system (RAS); it’s what helps to regulate our sleep, attention, and arousal cycles and patterns. It is also thought to be a part of how our subconscious mind operates. Anyway, the theory is that if you speak positively to and about your vagina, that will cause you to 1) act lovingly towards it and 2) want to provide it with the things that it needs.
If you add to this the fact that research also says that things like stress and not feeling good about yourself can lead to things like vaginal dryness, a lowered libido, and recurring yeast infections, speaking good things about your vagina could only work to your benefit…don’t cha think?
Acts of Service
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To me, acts of service simply means vaginal maintenance — getting waxes (if that’s your thing); taking a daily probiotic; doing kegels; buying new cotton panties every 6-9 months; using white (and unscented) toilet paper (other kinds can irritate your vagina); using water or only vaginal washes that are made specifically for your vulva and vagina (I like Boric Fresh PH Balancing Daily Feminine Wash and Pangaea Wash™: 100% Natural Foaming Feminine Wash and you can also check out “Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes”); using condoms; keeping your labia moisturized with some coconut, avocado or olive oil (which contain properties to protect vulvar skin); NOT using scented products (if your vagina or vulva has a consistent odor, see your doctor), and sleeping naked (so that “she” can breathe).
Yeah, even though my own primary love languages aren’t acts of service, I’ve always liked this one because it commands respect: “Don’t just say that you love me; DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.” Salute. LOL.
Gifts
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Something that I like a lot about DIY gift baskets is you can customize them in super detailed ways — this includes when it comes to your vagina and vulva. For instance, if you wanted to show “her” some extra love via gift-giving, you could create a yoni basket that is filled with things like — yoni bath bombs, some vulva balm and you should also check out “Your Vagina's Holiday Wishlist Includes Pelvic Floor Massagers, Tanga Panties, & More” for more inspiration.
Also, I actually treated myself to a tumbler that says “Make Better Coochie Decisions” (by Goddess Intentions) on it, simply because I thought the message was hella cute. At the end of the day, a gift is a token of appreciation. Your vagina deserves to feel appreciated by you…on the regular.
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It can’t be said enough that the more that I learn about the vagina (and vulva), the more intentional I am about giving it extra special praise, care and attention. This list is just a reminder to consider doing the same.
Show “her” love and watch how she responds in return. Yes, literally, sis.
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Featured image by FabrikaCr/Getty Images
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
