I don’t usually splurge or impulse shop. I’m happy to wear the same clothes until they’re no longer in good condition, and I cook my food at home more days than not. But, girl, if you tell me you want to travel somewhere, the cards are OUT!
One day, I was scrolling on Instagram when I saw a beautiful Reel about Strasbourg, France, during Christmastime. Then I saw another one and another one. So I sent one to my good friend, who said that was her DREAM Christmas destination. SAY LESS, SIS! Within 72 hours, the whole trip was booked. Flights, transportation, lodging, you name it.
We landed in Lyon on Thursday before heading to Strasbourg and were instantly charmed by the classic French façades and smiley locals. We had an amazing first night enjoying the Festival of Lights all through the city.
Fresh off an amazing first evening, we headed to Strasbourg on Friday in a BlaBlaCar (a ride-share system in Europe) with two friendly local women who gave us tons of expert recommendations on what to do, see, and eat in Strasbourg.
They dropped us off in the center, and our faces lit up. The town was decked out in Christmas decor from head to toe, and the streets were buzzing with folks clambering around stalls selling Christmas decorations, hot drinks, and other artisan knick-knacks. They don’t call it Europe’s Christmas Capital for nothing!
We rushed to our Airbnb to put our bags down and start exploring, and that’s when everything went south.
Photo courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Sleep Tight, Don’t Let The Bed Bugs Bite
I always check my lodgings before settling in because I’ve walked into hotel rooms that haven’t properly been cleaned or other situations where I haven’t felt safe enough to stay.
So we looked around the Airbnb to make sure everything was okay when I heard my friend say, “I see something moving on the sheets.” “Are you messing with me?” I responded.
I double-checked, and my heart sank. “I see it too, fuck.”
“There’s another one on this side, too.”
“Damn,” I said, “I just spotted a third.”
“We can’t stay here.” We grabbed all of our stuff and ran for the nearest cafe to strategize where we were going to stay. Only one major problem: Everything in town was booked.
Enrique, Our Christmas Angel
We looked all around Strasbourg and even at nearby towns and villages. Booked. Booked. Booked. We even started considering taking a train to a nearby town in Switzerland or Germany, which had affordable lodgings available and were only about one hour away by train.
But we still had a bus back to Lyon early Sunday morning to consider and felt going to another country would derail our whole trip to see the Christmas Capital of Europe.
I checked Booking.com for just one night instead of two, and there were three options. But every time I’d make a booking it would immediately cancel because they weren’t ACTUALLY available. Now I had over $1K in holds on my account and nowhere to stay when finally our last attempt went through.
Phew! “At least we have somewhere to stay tonight, and we can figure out what to do about tomorrow.”
We showed up at the hotel to hear the receptionist getting an ear-shattering lashing from a livid guest. Needless to say, Enrique looked like he was having a worse evening than we were.
Photo courtesy of Ambar Mejia
When we tried to check in, he said, “I’m sorry, but that booking shouldn’t have gone through on Booking.com. We are full.” I wished I was one of those people who could go into a rage. I wished I could throw an adult tantrum until I got my way, but I’ve never been capable of raising my voice. And I was one more round of bad news away from tears.
“Please, sir, we are in a desperate situation. We are two young women with nowhere to stay tonight. Our Airbnb was canceled, it’s close to freezing temperatures outside, and if we don’t figure something out, we are going to sleep on that bench outside. If there’s anything you can do, we would really appreciate it.”
He melted, “Okay, let me see what I can do.”
It took hours. And as each minute passed, even our options of going to Switzerland or Germany were off the table. The last trains had left.
We heard him clacking away on the computer between stressed sighs, and I hoped he would at least be kind enough to let us sit in the lobby all night where it was warm.
Close to midnight, he came over with two mugs of warm cocoa and cookies, and said, “I have a room for you.” I felt so much relief the tears just started rolling down my face.
Gratitude (And Hot Wine) Is The Best Medicine
The next morning, we tried to make the best of it. Between calls to our host and Airbnb customer service, it felt like our minds were still tied up in resolving our situation.
But we were still alive and well. We were fortunate to have had the money to resolve the situation even after multiple holds. And we were so grateful for Enrique’s kindness.
We just wanted to shake it off and enjoy our girls’ trip.
We took a train to Colmar as we had originally planned. The town and its nearby villages inspired the village in Beauty and the Beast, and there was a Christmas market down every quaint, cobblestoned street. It was hard to continue sulking while surrounded by so much Christmas cheer. (The multiple cups of mulled wine didn’t hurt either.)
After a few hours, we returned to Strasbourg to check out the Christmas markets. With no lodgings available in the city, we decided to take an overnight bus back to Lyon and cut our trip short.
It Got Worse Before It Got Better
More back-and-forth calls to our host and Airbnb, getting soaked at a bus station with no indoor waiting area, freezing temperatures, delayed buses, and midnight bus transfers where the only thing open for shelter was a rock and roll bar and rats. Trust and believe we were ready to go home!
Photo courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Life Is A Box Of Chocolates But It’s Also What You Make It
There were so many times on this trip that I just broke out into hysterical laughter because, with all the chaos of the trip, I was left thinking, what is this a sitcom? Did I somehow end up on the set of Eurotrip 2? Am I really in a rock and roll bar at 1 a.m. singing "Wonderwall" by Oasis in exchange for shelter?
But with every round of setbacks comes an opportunity for reflection, and here are mine:
1. Airbnb might not be the best choice during busy times, especially in smaller cities with fewer options. While we selected accommodations with a Super Host and everyone was responsive, it took three days to initiate a refund, it will take longer to hit my account, and they didn’t necessarily help find us other accommodations. At least with a hotel, there is someone onsite to help you immediately.
2. Always, and I mean always, have wiggle room in your budget or credit cards for things to go wrong. If we had waited for Airbnb to find us a solution, we could’ve been stranded for days. I joked that 25-year-old me would’ve just had the energy to party for two days straight and not sleep, but I was so grateful 31-year-old me had the money to make sure I was safe and could get a good night’s rest.
3. Strasbourg was ripping at the seams with tourists visiting the markets. You could barely get through the markets without standing in a pedestrian traffic jam—even with the rain! It felt like being at an American theme park during spring break.
If I had to do it again, I would fly into Switzerland, rent a car, and drive into Strasbourg in the middle of the week instead of a weekend. Then you could also take time to see the Christmas markets in nearby villages, which I thought were less crowded, more enjoyable, and so adorable.
Photo courtesy of Ambar Mejia
You Catch More Flies With Honey
While previously in my story, I wished I could go into a rage on everyone, like the woman at reception, I think kindness, being respectful, and keeping a cool head saved us.
Enrique could’ve turned us away. The Airbnb host initially suggested we were wrong and that it was a different kind of bug we found, not bed bugs. She is a Super Host, and this is her business. She could get shut down, and I get that. But we had no incentive to fabricate this.
In both situations, we remained respectful, expressed ourselves calmly, and reinforced what we wanted. And in both situations, we were able to get the resolution we needed.
So, if you’re also the kind of person who struggles to raise your voice and feels that sometimes makes you feel unheard, this is your reminder (and mine) that softness is powerful too.
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Feature image courtesy of Ambar Mejia
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images