

I was watching Tyrese and Rev. Run's new TV show It's Not You, It's Men on OWN the other day and they were discussing relationships and independent women. Tyrese went as far as to say, "Don't independence yourself into loneliness." Although there have been numerous songs produced that celebrate the independent woman (by both men and women), unfortunately some men lack the understanding of our independence.
[easy-tweet tweet="Don't independence yourself into loneliness - @tyrese"]
Personally, I think it's a great discussion and I don't think they were bashing women by having this conversation. However, there are some guys who have a tendency to bash those of us who instinctively, and sometimes unknowingly, rely so heavily on our independence without fully comprehending the rationale for our actions. Furthermore, some of them fail to acknowledge their unwillingness to uphold their responsibilities as a man, which has ultimately forced so many of us into the independent role. But that’s a whole other topic.
Nonetheless, it made me think about my personal experience as a single, independent woman and then my transition as a wife. As someone who was raised in a single-parent home, like many other women I know, it wasn't a surprise that I practically gained the personality and mindset of the infamous lady known as “Miss Independent.” When you've been raised without a prominent father figure in the home or in your life, quite naturally you often become self-sufficient and tend to lack the knowledge, let alone need, for what it means to depend on a man for anything.
When Miss Independent and the Mrs. Meet
I remember watching the movie Think Like a Man and seeing glimpses of myself in Taraji P. Henson’s character. She was strong, outspoken, successful in her own right and she was all about girl power. She was the epitome of “Miss Independent.” When I was single, this was perfect for me because it was exactly that power, drive and my faith in God that has and continues to push me to pursue my goals and aspirations.
However, it wasn’t until I started dating my husband, and soon after we got married, when I realized how my independence was causing conflict within our relationship. I always knew I wanted a strong, black man, but I didn’t realize what that really meant, let alone what it truly means to be "one" in marriage. It was difficult at times to transition from “Miss Independent” to “Mrs.” because it was all so new to me (Side note: I use the term "transition" very loosely because I can't say that it's something that ever truly goes away). Quite honestly, I wasn’t used to having a man around who actually wanted to do certain things for me.
Sometimes, it was as simple as opening the door or even carrying the groceries for me. For so long, I was used to doing these things for myself simply because I had to. Now, there was someone who was actually trying to help me. However, when my husband tried to do these things for me I responded in a negative way like, “I can open my own door,” or “I can carry my own groceries,” or "I can do it myself." My tone would come off as condescending or disrespectful and I was unaware of how offensive this was to my husband. There were other times when I didn't have to even say anything because I said enough through my actions or body language.
My aha moment: I didn't realize the need to do things on my own was causing my man to feel as if I didn't need (or want) him.
I heard at a conference once before, “Men interpret lack of need for lack of respect." I didn't want my husband to think I didn't respect him. Nevertheless, it was important for us to discuss this so he could gain a better understanding of why I was "wired" the way I was and why I was constantly trying to do everything myself.
It's interesting because we say we want a man who does certain things, but I couldn't on one hand say, "I want a good man who does this and that for me," and then later have an attitude like, “I don’t need a man to do what I can do for myself." Instead, it's about acknowledging the good men who are willing to step up to the plate, and allowing them to be the man they want and need to be to us and for us.
The more we talked, the deeper I looked within myself and the more I dealt with my "daddy issues," I realized my whole concept of family and children was heavily influenced by my independence and abandonment issues. For example, when we started talking more and more about having children, it was obvious that I wanted to wait but my husband didn't seem to understand why I was so hesitant. I had to be honest with him and myself and admit that I actually saw children as a burden rather than a blessing and unbeknownst to me, I was scared of having to raise them on my own.
It's funny because even though I was married, there was a part of me that thought "But what if he leaves me to raise these children by myself? How will I do all of this alone?" My independent mindset and abandonment issues had kicked in yet again, only later realizing that it was stifling my growth as a woman and a wife. I feared a future potential blessing because of a past burden.
[Tweet "I feared a future potential blessing because of a past burden."]
Nevertheless, with the help of my husband's reassurance, loyalty, a lot of patience and his commitment to be a good husband and father, I've learned to look at things quite differently as it relates to my husband, marriage and our potential future family. Unlike the seasons in my life when I had no choice but to be independent because I didn't have an earthly father or male figure, things are different now. I don't have to go at this alone. I can depend on him to be there and be a good father if and when that time comes to have a family.
I Still Have Independent Tendencies But I Depend on My Man Too
As a woman, it’s not like I can just flip a switch and turn off my independence completely. As I said earlier, the experiences and qualities I gained as an independent woman led me to become the woman I am today, and some of those characteristics are quite naturally still a part of me. Besides, had I been overly needy and unable to do anything on my own, my husband wouldn't have wanted to be with me anyway. As I like to put it, be the woman a man needs, not a needy woman.
Now, more than ever, I am more cognizant of how my independent tendencies can impact my marriage and how they can potentially overpower the relationship and isolate me from my husband. Instead of rejecting his assistance and trying to do everything on my own, I'm learning how to adjust and have a healthy balance. He, too, is learning how to adjust and make changes on his end as well with certain things.
It's important to show our men not only how much we love them, but how much we respect them. Simply put, we have to let a man be a man. Although there are guys who aren't willing to step up to the plate and be a man, there are still mature, responsible men who desire to be real men to real women.
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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As the self-proclaimed “concert queen,” I’ve danced my way through countless venues, basking in the euphoria that only live music can deliver.
From the heart-thumping bass of my favorite hip-hop anthems to the soulful serenades of R&B legends, my adventures have been a harmonious blend of rhythm, culture, and, of course, delectable cuisine. Each festival I’ve attended has been a unique chapter in my live music journey, offering not just performances but immersive experiences that celebrate art, community, and flavor.
Reflecting on my escapades, festivals like Rolling Loud, Roots Picnic, Essence Fest, and One Music Fest have been more than just events—they’ve been transformative odysseys.
The electrifying energy of the crowds, the discovery of emerging artists, and the shared moments of unity have solidified my love for these gatherings. They are living testaments to music’s unparalleled ability to bridge divides and foster a sense of belonging.
As 2025 unfolds, the festival circuit is buzzing with anticipation, promising an array of events that are sure to ignite your musical passions. Whether you’re a seasoned festival-goer or a curious newcomer, here’s a curated list of must-attend festivals that should be on your radar:
Rolling Loud California (Los Angeles, CA) - March 15-16, 2025
Sexyy Red
Scott Legato/ Getty Images
Kicking off the festival season with a bang, Rolling Loud returns to Los Angeles, promising a weekend of unparalleled hip-hop performances. This year’s lineup is nothing short of spectacular, with headliners like A$AP Rocky and Playboi Carti set to ignite the stage. Adding a unique flair, Mexican sensation Peso Pluma joins as a special guest, bringing his distinctive sound to the mix.
Tickets are flying off the shelves, with General Admission passes starting at $179 and VIP options offering exclusive perks for $499. Set against the vibrant backdrop of Los Angeles, attendees can indulge in the city’s eclectic food scene, making this festival a feast for both the ears and the taste buds.
2025 Performers: A$AP Rocky, Playboi Carti, YG, Sexyy Red, Quavo, Gelo, Bossman Dlow, Peso Pluma
2024 Performers: Nicki Minaj, Post Malone, Future x Metro Boomin, YG & Tyga, Party Next Door, Summer Walker, Don Toliver, Bryson Tiller, Big Sean, Sexyy Red
Dreamville Festival (Raleigh, NC) - April 5-6, 2025
Curated by the legendary J. Cole, Dreamville Festival has swiftly become a beacon for hip-hop and R&B aficionados. Nestled in Raleigh’s scenic Dorothea Dix Park, the festival offers more than just music; it’s a celebration of community and culture. While the official 2025 lineup is under wraps, whispers in the wind suggest appearances by heavyweights, making this final edition a grand finale not to be missed.
Ticket options cater to various preferences, with General Admission passes and VIP packages that promise an elevated experience. Beyond the music, attendees can explore Raleigh’s burgeoning culinary scene, with the festival itself offering a smorgasbord of local delights.
2025 Performers: TBA
2024 Performers: SZA, 50 Cent, J. Cole, Nicki Minaj, J.I.D., Lil Yatchy, Schoolboy Q, Sexyy Red, Jeremiah, Rema, Jeezy, Monica, and more.
EmpowHER Festival (Los Angeles, CA) - May 10, 2025
Kehlani
Photo by Erika Goldring/WireImage
EmpowHER Festival isn’t just a festival; it’s a movement celebrating women’s empowerment, creativity, and artistry. Set in the heart of Los Angeles, this one-day extravaganza brings together female artists for a day of unforgetttable performances. While this is the inaugural festival, the incredible lineup includes trailblazers like Kehlani and Jazmine Sullivan making it a must-attend for those passionate about female empowerment.
Early bird General Admission (GA) tickets are currently available at a 20% discount, bringing the price to under $200. As the festival date approaches, ticket prices are expected to increase, so securing your spot early is recommended. For the most up-to-date ticket information and purchases, visit the official EmpowHER website or authorized ticket vendors.
2025 Performers: Kehlani, Jazmine Sullivan, Normani, Saweetie, Flo Milli, and more.
Roots Picnic (Philadelphia, PA) - May 31-June 1, 2025
Curated by the legendary Roots crew, Roots Picnic is a melting pot of music, culture, and activism. Having grooved my way through its vibrant atmosphere before, I can attest to its eclectic lineups that span genres from hip-hop to indie rock. The 2025 edition promises to uphold this tradition, with anticipated performances from both established and emerging artists.
Ticket information and lineup announcements are typically released closer to the event date. Philadelphia’s rich history and vibrant food scene further enhance the festival experience, offering attendees a chance to explore the city’s cultural landmarks and culinary offerings.
2025 Performers: D’Angelo, Meek Mill, Lenny Kravitz, GloRilla, Miguel, Tems, Latto, Kaytranada, Jeezy, Pusha T & 2 Chainz, Musiq Soulchild, The Roots, and more.
2024 Performers: Jill Scott, Lil Wayne, Nas, Victoria Monét, Gunna, Fantasia, Muni Long, Method Man & Redman, Scarface, Amerie, Sexyy Red, Babyface, Wale, Tyla, and more.
BET Experience (Los Angeles, CA) - June 5-8, 2025
Cardi B
Photo by Aaron J. Thornton/Getty Images for BET
The BET Experience is a multi-day celebration leading up to the annual BET Awards, featuring concerts, celebrity panels, and interactive exhibits. Held in Los Angeles, this event captures the essence of Black culture and entertainment.
Details about the 2025 lineup and ticket pricing are yet to be announced, but past experiences have included performances by top artists and exclusive access to industry events, making it a cornerstone event for music lovers.
2025 Performers: TBA
2024 Performers: Cardi B, Gunna, Davido, Sexyy Red, The Roots, Queen Latifah, Common, and more.
Essence Fest (New Orleans, LA) - July 3-6, 2025
Essence Fest, affectionately known as the “party with a purpose,” is a vibrant celebration of Black culture, music, and empowerment. My previous escapades at this festival were nothing short of magical, with its blend of soulful performances, enlightening panel discussions, and a community atmosphere that feels like a family reunion. The 2025 edition is expected to feature a stellar lineup of artists, though official announcements are pending.
Tickets typically range from General Admission to VIP packages, catering to a variety of preferences and budgets. Set in the lively city of New Orleans, attendees can also immerse themselves in the local culture, savoring Creole cuisine and exploring historic sites, making it a holistic cultural experience.
2025 Performers: TBA
2024 Performers: Birdman, Usher, Janet Jackson, The Roots, Mickey Guyton, Busta Rhymes, Charlie Wilson, Victoria Monét, SWV, Frankie Beverly, Tank, Ginuwine, Tyrese, and more.
Broccoli City Festival (Washington, D.C.) – July 12-13, 2025
Victoria Monét
Photo by Kaitlyn Morris/Getty Images
If you’re looking for a festival that brings the vibes and the vision, Broccoli City Festival is it! Taking over Washington, D.C., this two-day celebration is more than just a music festival—it’s a movement. Dedicated to uplifting Black culture, sustainability, and community empowerment, BC Fest blends fire performances with social impact, making you feel good inside and out.
The 2025 lineup is still under wraps, but if past years are any indication (think: Lil Wayne, Megan Thee Stallion, and Burna Boy), we’re in for a show. Plus, with D.C. as the backdrop, you already know the food is going to be top-tier. Expect local eats, poppin’ day parties, and a city full of festival-goers keeping the energy high all weekend long. Whether you’re there for the music, the mission, or just the chance to rock a fly festival fit, BC Fest is a must for your summer lineup.
2025 Performers: TBA
2024 Performers: Megan Thee Stallion, Victoria Monét, Gunna, Kaytranada, Party Next Door, Lil Yaychy, Teezo Touchdown, Fridayy, Skilla Baby, Sexyy Red, Key Glock, and more.
One Music Fest (Atlanta, GA) - October TBA, 2025
As an Atlanta native, One Music Fest holds a special place in my heart. This festival has consistently showcased a diverse array of artists, reflecting the rich musical heritage of the city. While the exact dates and lineup for 2025 are yet to be confirmed, past festivals have featured a mix of hip-hop, R&B, and alternative acts that cater to a wide audience.
Ticket pricing and performer details will be announced as the event approaches. In the meantime, festival-goers can look forward to exploring Atlanta’s dynamic food scene and cultural landmarks, making it a holistic experience that celebrates both music and community
2025 Performers: TBA
2024 Performers: Latto, Gunna, Earth, Wind, & Fire, Nelly, Victoria Monet, GloRilla, Keyshia Cole, Sexyy Red, Ari Lennox, Fantasia, Method Man & Redman, and more.
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