If you’ve read enough content with my byline on here, you already know that I am definitely all about people having healthy, thriving, and consistent sex lives. One example of this is an article that I wrote a couple of years back entitled “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.” When you get a chance, check it out because it serves as a pretty solid reminder that, although sex feels absolutely amazing, there are some practical benefits that should convince you to partake as much as possible too.
Today, though, we’re gonna dive into what happens specifically to your body while you’re in the process of climbing walls and hanging off of chandeliers. Because although you may get in theory that quite a few things are transpiring during coitus, you might be surprised at just how involved different parts of your body are in the act — not just how but also why.
1. Your Breasts Get Bigger
GiphyAlthough you probably don’t usually give it much thought, the next time you’re getting in or out of the shower, look at your breasts. Do you notice that they contain a significant amount of veins? Well, when you become sexually aroused, those veins fill up with blood, and that can cause your breasts to increase in size by as much as 25 percent. Not only that, but some medical professionals say that your areolas (the darker-colored skin that surrounds your nipples) also produce pheromones; these substances can help to improve one’s mood and heighten one’s attraction to their partner.
2. Your Vagina Gets Larger and Darker
Although the exact length can vary a bit when it comes to the size of your vagina, it tends to be somewhere around 3” when you’re not aroused and between 4”-5” when you are. This makes a lot of sense considering the fact that the average size of a penis when it’s erect is 5.5”. However, it should go on record that no amount of sex or no size of a penis can permanently “stretch you out.” So, if there’s some man in your world who believes that, send him this article ASAP.
Another thing that happens to your vagina (the inner tube that goes from your outer opening to your cervix) is it gets darker due to all of the vessels in it that also fill up with blood. As far as your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) goes, while it might look a little flushed after climaxing, for the most part, it remains the same in appearance.
3. Your Clitoris “Leaves” You
GiphyYou know the saying, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it? Believe it or not, this actually can apply when it comes to your clitoris (check out “10 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Clitoris”). That’s because if you go long periods without sexual activity, that can cause your clitoral skin to become thin and dry and even shrink (crazy, right?). This can also happen during menopause as your hormone levels go through a significant shift.
And while it does usually get larger during foreplay, another time when your clitoris will probably get smaller is when you’re on the brink of climaxing. For whatever the reason, when you’re about to orgasm, it prefers to disappear inside of your clitoral hood (check out “7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood”) and snuggle up next to your pubic bone. This actually may be why your partner becomes a bit more aggressive (in a good way) during cunnilingus. He might not say it, but he very well could be looking for your clit — which would make total sense.
4. Your Cervix Tilts
One kind of orgasm that some women are able to have during penetrative sex is a cervical orgasm. Although your cervix (the tube/canal that connects your uterus to your vagina) can’t exactly be penetrated, it can be stimulated. It should go on record that while one woman may find cervical stimulation pleasurable, others actually find it to be close to painful. So, if you happen to fall into category B, aim for another kind of climax; there are plenty of others to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
That said, when you’re aroused, it’s pretty common for your cervix to pull back closer to your uterus in order to accommodate a penis (or sex toy). It’s also normal for it to tilt — in other words, to rock back and forth. If you’re wondering if you’ll notice…eh, probably not.
5. Your Body Temperature Increases
GiphyThis one is probably the least surprising of all when you stop to think about the fact that sex is a form of exercise and cardio tends to cause your temperature to go up. In fact, this is probably why so many say that wearing socks during sex can improve your chances of experiencing the Big O.
Some studies claim having socks on can increase your chances of climaxing by as much as 30 percent. Why? Well, one reason is due to the fact that wearing socks increases one’s blood flow and body temperature. Not only that, but it can help you to feel cozier when it comes to being intimate with your partner.
Personally, I hate wearing socks to bed (for any reason), and I hate feeling hot even more. But if you’re just the opposite, here’s a hack that could make sex even better for you. Report back if it does.
6. Your Brain “Lights Up”
When it comes to this one, I am absolutely not exaggerating. When you’re having sex (and especially when you’re on the brink of having an orgasm), there are different parts of your brain that light up, just like a Christmas tree — the genital sensory cortex, hypothalamus, thalamus, motor areas, and the substantia nigra. All of these parts work together to send information to different body parts, trigger the production of various hormones (that work to make sex more pleasurable) and help you to focus on what’s happening in the moment.
7. Your Brain Also “Turns Off”
GiphyLAWD. If you don’t get anything else from this lil’ read, please take this point in. While on the one hand, there are parts of your brain that become more active, there is another part that actually decreases during sex. It’s called your lateral orbitofrontal cortex, and it’s responsible for things like your reasoning capabilities, your judgment calls, and your decision-making process(es).
This is DEFINITELY reason one billion why you shouldn’t rely on sex to help you decide if someone is a good fit for you or not. Hmph, let your lateral orbitofrontal cortex tell it, it doesn’t have a clue (check out “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.”).
8. Your Pain Threshold Increases
If you really stop and think about how it can sometimes take a bit of maneuvering and finessing to get a tampon or a menstrual cup into your body, doesn’t it make sense that your threshold for pain would increase during sex? I mean, a penis is a lot larger than either of those, and between the penetration and all of the thrusting — yeah, like I said, it makes all of the sense in the world.
So, exactly how much does your threshold tolerance go up? I once read a science-based study that said the threshold skyrockets to almost 40 percent more while pain detection is somewhere around 53 percent. (This might explain why BDSM engagers experience pleasure when you really stop to think about it, huh?)
9. Your Immunity Strengthens
GiphyWell, here's a solid reason to ramp up your sexual activity. Did you know that people who have sex more than three times a month have a significantly stronger immunity than those who engage less than that? That's because something else that sex does is increase your body's ability to fight off pathogens. In case you're wondering, pathogens are organisms that literally cause disease.
Speaking of immunity, something else that can help you out is giving fellatio. Hey, roll your eyes if you want to, but there's plenty of data out there on that, too (check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm").
10. Your Skin Looks Younger
To be honest with you, during copulation, there really isn’t one part of your body where blood flow doesn't increase. When it comes to your skin, specifically, the more blood it gets means the more oxygen that it receives. This is a real win because oxygen helps to increase the production of collagen in the body — and collagen is something that we all need to keep our skin clear, supple, and younger-looking. That’s why it’s actually not just a saying that sex can get rid of blemishes and give you great-looking skin. There is science to totally back those claims up — as you just read.
As a bonus, because sex can also increase your production of estrogen, word on the street is it has the capability to help your hair to stay long and healthy too. Another win, indeed.
11. Your Desire to Bond with Your Partner Significantly Grows
GiphyUntil the cows come home, I’m gonna stay on-repeat about the fact that oxytocin is one hell of a drug (well, hormone) when it comes to sex. And since the late philosopher Thomas Hobbes once described hell as truth being seen too late, this is something else to keep in mind when it comes to using solid discernment as it relates to sex.
I say that because a huge part of the reason why oxytocin has earned the nickname “the love hormone” is it has the amazing ability to make people feel very close to their partner during things like kissing and cuddling — and especially during sex.
This can be a good thing when a secure relationship is already established. It can also put you on quite the emotional roller coaster ride if you’re not sure where things stand, yet oxytocin is somewhere in your body yelling, “Don’t worry about it! If it feels right, it must be right.”
Yeah, don’t fall for that. It’s another article for another time, yet there is something to be said for things like logic, common sense, emotional intelligence, and paying attention to patterns — no matter how good a man can make you feel in the bedroom. In other words, please make sure that once oxytocin boosts have calmed down that you notice what’s happening outside of the bedroom too. And then act accordingly.
12. Your Vagina “Bounces Back”
Even if your vagina appears a bit larger right after sex, that’s nothing to be concerned about. After all of that back-blowing (wink), the friction can lead to a bit of swelling initially. However, what you can be absolutely sure of is things will return to their normal/regular size after a few moments. Listen, we’re capable of pushing out baby heads. Ain’t no penis in the world gonna cause you to lose your elasticity. Always remember that.
Let Your Partner Know: Your Vagina Contracts
GiphyWhenever women brag to me about how good they are at faking orgasms (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”), I’ll usually say something along the lines of, “Then your partner isn’t paying close attention to what’s going on” because, unless you’re pulling off hella kegels as you’re acting like you’re seeing the mountaintop, he should notice that your vaginal walls aren’t contracting.
Yep — it doesn’t matter how much screaming and hollering you might be doing, something that transpires for a woman during an orgasm is the muscles in her pelvic region start to involuntarily contract (this happens to your anal muscles during anal sex as well).
So when it comes to concluding this article and debunking the myth that faking it is hard to detect — unless some wall-shaking is going on, the jig is up.
The good news on that is now you both need to figure out how to make your body do all of this stuff — without you having to try and act like it’s happening. Feel me?
Something tells me that you absolutely do.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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