*Names have been changed for privacy.
I was upset when Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck split. When Tisha Campbell-Martin and Duane Martin went their separate ways, I literally felt like I didn't want to live in a world where those two couldn't make it. To be honest, I'm still rooting for Channing Tatum to pull Jenna Dewan back. Lately, it seems like people can sign off on a car lease with more commitment than a marriage, and generations before us love to preach that today's young couples don't have a deep understanding of what “till death do us part" actually means.
If I'm convinced of anything, it's that any good marriage is built on a solid foundation. So when I recently touched base with an old friend named *Brian, I wasn't all that surprised to hear that after telling the world how he handled a heartbreak that went on to become a marriage, he was now dealing with an impending divorce.
The last time I bumped into Brian was in Fall of 2015 when he told me he had recently married his college sweetheart after years of making and breaking up.
The couple now had a five-year-old daughter, but the longest "break" they endured occurred during the first few years of her life. During that time, Brian had ended the relationship over living arrangements that included feeling disrespected by his then-girlfriend's dog and just generally being too immature for a serious relationship. After moving halfway across the country, he made several attempts to heal that included having sex with someone new just days after the break-up and throwing himself into work to try and get through the heartbreak. Ironically, his plan for getting past the pain was interrupted a few months later when family and friends living a few states away in his hometown dropped the bomb on him that his ex was expecting his child (turns out, she wanted the whole world to know before he did).
Finding himself almost smack in the middle of new fatherhood, Brian made the decision to move back home and try to build a life with his ex for the sake of their family.
I've always gotten the impression from Brian that many of his relationships included the tug-of-war of making and breaking up and that many of his relationships didn't really form over falling in love with anyone, but more so from the fear of being alone. Last year, more than being excited over finding the person he would spend the rest of his life with, I suspected he was using marriage as a way settle the drama that can sometimes come with a challenging co-parenting situation. Recently, he revealed that he knew the marriage was over pretty much before it began:
“I knew it probably wouldn't last when I asked her to marry me. I was trying to be the good guy. I wanted it to work for the child."
Not even a year later, Brian now admits that it's not working and recently filed for legal separation. Brian's story is proof that if dealing with heartbreak isn't hard enough for men, then divorce isn't any easier.
Even though your ex might be getting down in several girls' DMs or losing his life savings in Magic City to ease the pain after a break-up, dealing with a divorce tends to make things a little more complicated. Untangling assets, establishing spousal and child support, and a number of other things might just have your ex-husband too busy to worry about which chick he wants to hit up next to help ease his pain. A 2013 Huffington post article broke down exactly how harmful a divorce can be for men not only mentally, but physically as well. A Journal of Men's Health study revealed divorced men are more susceptible to heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke and 39 percent more likely to engage in risky behavior or commit suicide.
So for all of you renewing your membership in the National Creep Squad Association, even science says that being happily married is good for your health.
YourTango relationship expert, Cecil Wong explains that in some ways men deal with divorce much like they deal with break-ups: By avoiding their feelings and diving headfirst into unhealthy behaviors. He warns, a sudden Hennessy and strip club binge might just be covering up a bout of depression and a need to prove that just because his marriage fell apart doesn't mean his whole life has to:
"In general, men seem to focus on externals (no surprise there): financial and legal matters. Many seem to quickly find new partners or simply resolve to not get too close ever again. Seems like there's a lack of attention to what goes on the inside and the result is blindly going into another relationship with all the same baggage or just continue living with a fear of intimacy. In a way, it's another example of guys always wanting to fix things. Jumping into another relationship or avoiding them altogether are quick fixes which occur when we are either ignore or avoid the inner life."
Wong says that unlike women who will bond and get honest about the pain they're going through which helps the healing process, men tend to bury difficult feelings or hope that work or other women will distract them.
So what went wrong in just a few months and just how is Brian dealing with divorce? Brian sheds some light below on how he's coping:
1. Who was the first to realize it was over what do you think went wrong?
"We had so much miscommunication, for the most part about finances. Checks were bouncing for bills she was supposed to be paying. When I wanted to sit and works things out, she wasn't straight with me. It was like she was too proud to ask for help. She'd rather have an eviction notice on our door than admit she was struggling with money and it always fell on me. I couldn't do it anymore."
2. What's been the hardest part about being separated?
“The hardest part is when your kid keeps asking, 'When are you moving back, Daddy? When are we getting a new house?' It really leaves me at a loss for words because I feel like I can't explain the whole situation. So I'm just like, 'I'm getting a place for us soon.'"
3. How is getting a divorce different from any other break-up?
"There's more people involved when you get a divorce: lawyers, family, children. It's not as easy to make a clean break because so many people are affected. And once the law gets involved in your relationship, it's not as easy as just deleting a number from your phone or taking down some Instagram pics. Shit gets real."
4. What have you learned from your situation and what do you think you should change about yourself, if anything?
“I think there's someone out there for me, but I don't think I need to change anything about myself and I know what I want for my next relationship. This one just wasn't right for me. I wish I had figured that out before having kids, but I know next time to trust my gut. The first break-up was probably a foreshadowing of things to come."
Looks like when it comes to dealing with divorce, being “in our feelings" continues to keep women better off in the long run, even if the only thing we're cuddling up with is a carton of Butter Pecan while we do some soul-searching. One thing I've learned from Brian's experience is that although love isn't everything in a relationship, it's pretty important. And if it isn't one of the main reasons you want to spend your rest of your life with someone, you're doing yourself and maybe even your kids a huge disservice in the long run.
Have you ever been divorced or dealt with a break-up? How did you deal and what are some important lessons you learned during your soul-searching?
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Men Dealing with Divorce - It Sucks - YouTube ›
- Men After Divorce: In Touch With Feelings - ABC News ›
- 7 Stages Of Grief For Divorced Men | Cordell & Cordell ›
- How Men Can Move on After Divorce | PairedLife ›
- Emotional Devastation: The Roadblock to Moving On ›
- Stages of Divorce Recovery for Men Article Series ›
- For Men: Mourning the Divorce? ›
- How do men really cope after divorce? ›
- Dating After Divorce: How Men & Women Cope | YourTango ›
- 3 Reasons Divorce Is Harder On Men Than Women | HuffPost ›
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Seven Fashion Girlies Share Their 'Rich Girl Energy' Outfit Formulas
As the summer has wound down and the leaves have begun to turn, many of us have entered a busy fall season.
After a slower pace, it's time to embrace the grind with extra grace once more. To help you transition seamlessly into this hectic period, we've compiled a collection of outfit ideas that embody the "I don't chase, I attract" and "I got money everywhere" mindset.
Inspired by popular influencers and their signature outfit formulas, these looks are designed to make you feel confident, abundant, and ready to conquer anything that comes your way. Get ready to channel your inner rich girl energy and step into fall with style!
Amy Lefevre
New York
Amy
Courtesy
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: “Wearing a fitted dress with oversized coat or blazer makes me feel confident, chic, and comfortable.”
Her go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: “My trench coat and cute tote bag.”
How she accessorizes: “By adding lots of jewelry and sunglasses.”
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones
Follow Amy on Instagram @lefevrediary.
Devana Turner, Creator and Stylist
Durham, NC
Devana
Courtesy
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: "Pairing wide-leg pants with tops or jackets that have balloon sleeves makes me feel powerful and on top of the world. The wide-leg pants give off effortless elegance, while the voluminous balloon sleeves add drama and sophistication. It’s a fit that’s unapologetic—it takes up space and commands attention."
Go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: "My Aritzia effortless trousers, maroon Yankees fitted cap personalized with brooches, and Dior Saddle Bag. Each piece combines comfort with authority."
How she accessorizes: "Brooches elevate any look, adding personalization and character. Sunglasses or stylish frames tie my outfits together, adding polish and a sense of mystery."
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones, bold colors, animal prints.
Follow Devana on Instagram @devanaturner.
Amiraa Vainqueur, Fashion Stylist and Style Expert
Los Angeles, CA
Amiraa
Courtesy
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: "Tailored trench with bold accessories: Think belted trench coat worn as a dress with knee-high boots and oversized sunglasses. The trench coat feels both classic and powerful when styled intentionally. Luxury athleisure: silk or satin sweatsuit with luxe sneakers and a quilted bomber jacket. Comfort meets luxury."
Go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: "I love a tailored power suit—it always makes me feel confident."
How she accessorizes: "I am a maximalist, layering jewelry and sunglasses to elevate every look."
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones, bold colors, soft pastels, animal prints.
Follow Amiraa on Instagram @amiraavainqueur.
Tonaya Lorenne
Chicago, IL
Tonaya
Courtesy
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: "I’m a 90s baby, and I translate that era’s fashion into my personal style. Bold colors, luxurious textures, and chic bottoms make me feel empowered and in alignment with my purpose."
Go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: "My go-to lately has been small tops paired with oversized bottoms. I love the boldness, and I’ve stopped worrying about unflattering fits—power comes from owning my look."
How she accessorizes: "Hats, glasses, funky rings, and statement bags complete my looks, especially since I have short hair. Accessories are essential to my style."
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones, bold colors, soft pastels, geometric patterns, animal prints.
Follow Tonaya on TikTok @_tonayalorenne.
Kéla Walker, Media Talent
Brooklyn, NY
Kéla
Credit: Shatimah Brathwaite
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: "I’m a magnet for matching sets and monochromatic looks. Dressing for my body type is key—balancing tight tops with loose bottoms creates harmony in my outfits."
Go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: "Statement accessories like a strong-shoulder blazer or an exaggerated waist-cinching belt are my go-to's."
How she accessorizes: "From purses and heels to rings and arm candy, I never leave home without great shades to tie everything together."
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones, bold colors, animal prints.
Follow Kéla on Instagram @kelawalker.
Opal, Creative Director at Lapo Lounge
Brooklyn, NY
Opal
Courtesy
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: "My go-to outfit formulas include bold monochromatic looks, structured suiting, and slip dresses. These serve as a canvas for my bold jewelry and accessories."
Go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: "I often reach for a slip dress or a structured blazer. These staples give me easy elegance, whether dressed up with cool boots or layered for work."
How she accessorizes: "Chain belts and bold jewelry are my essentials. I love layering long necklaces or opting for bold chokers to elevate simple outfits."
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones, bold colors.
Follow Opal on Instagram @opalbyopal.
Annette Walter, UrbanKinksNCurls
New York, NY
Annette
Courtesy
The outfit formula that makes her feel like abundance is her birthright: "An oversized blazer, mini pleated skirt, and fly boots are my favorite combination for feeling like that girl. Gold accessories in abundance complete the look."
Go-to pieces that make her feel confident and powerful: "I’m obsessed with oversized blazers and dope edgy boots. They can dress up or down any outfit and make a powerful statement."
How she accessorizes: "Gold accessories, especially layered necklaces and chokers, are a must. I’m also starting to build my collection of rings to add more flair."
Colors and patterns she finds most flattering: Neutral tones, bold colors, geometric patterns, animal prints.
Follow Annette on Instagram @urbankinksncurls.
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Matter of fact, the next time you get dressed, we empower you to say one of these affirmations as you also employ some of these outfit formulas:
- I radiate opulence and abundance with every outfit I wear.
- My style exudes confidence, power, and grace.
- I attract success and prosperity effortlessly.
- My wardrobe reflects my inner rich girl energy, making me feel unstoppable.
- I dress to impress myself, leaving a lasting impression wherever I go.
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Featured image courtesy