After reading Eureka Calhoun's xoNecole article "How I Healed My Uterine Fibroids the Holistic Way", I began to think more about my vaginal health. Like many women of color, some of us suffer from the harsh realities of having fibroids. I am one of those women. As someone who doesn't have kids, I became paranoid and afraid of the possibility of ever carrying a baby full-term. Every doctor I have visited has given me the same solutions to a never-ending problem.
At the time, I felt like having a fibroid was a death sentence. I was preparing my mind to endure the emotional roller coaster of having infertility issues.
One of the running themes many OB-GYNs will say is, "Let's just see what happens." After paying a copay, the last thing I want is for my medical provider to twiddle her thumbs looking at the clock. That isn't reassuring enough for me. After talking to different women and reading a slew of articles, I found simple ways to take my power back.
Product Overhaul
In 2016, an OB-GYN suggested I get an IUD to help maintain my fibroid size. At the time, it was "5 centimeters". (I put that in quotes because that seems to be the initial size they give all women when it's discovered that they have a fibroid.) We are all different from all walks of life, and we all have the same size fibroid? That was a red flag for me. As I've gotten older, I've given up belief in solutions like synthetic hormones, which are what birth control produces. I'm not here to preach to you about my morals and values. I'm here to present different alternatives so your vagina can be happy and healthy.
No matter what you cut out of your diet, how many crunches you do, and how many thoughts you have about going vegan, many women don't consider how many of our feminine products are harmful to us. We, as women, have introduced our bodies to so many toxins that they're almost hard to count. We have to be cognizant of what we are putting on and in our bodies.
A straightforward product can throw a wrench in your pH balance. My challenge to you is to read the ingredients in all of your products and Google what you find. For example, I've been using a particular brand of panty liners for years, and one day, I decided to pull out the packaging and look for the ingredients. I found it strange that they weren't listed on the package. I called the customer service number on the box and asked the representative about the ingredients. One of them was one that is found in antifreeze.
This product had become part of my hygiene regimen for years, and unbeknownst to me, it was something that I should've stopped using a long time ago. As a woman who puts all of her trust in these companies that promote vaginal health, I found it deceiving to mislead the masses.
I didn't go on a rampage and throw everything away because I'm not wasting my hard-earned money. What I did instead was limit my use of these products. I began changing them more than usual and avoided wearing them if it wasn't necessary. After spending days and weeks reading articles and conducting my own research, I have found alternatives that will help promote a healthier vagina.
100% Cotton Alternatives
After I used my last "toxic" liner, I wanted to research the alternatives, and there are thousands of them. I knew there had to be something that catered to feminine care and hygiene. A co-worker of mine mentioned to me that 100% cotton panty liners and pads do exist, and they can be found at your local drug store. After doing a quick Google search, I verified that she was correct.
I wrote all of these products down to make sure I wouldn't forget them later. After spending 30 minutes in the feminine care aisle reading and re-reading ingredients, I came across a product that was better than what popular corporations offer but not significant enough to tell my family and friends about. What stood out most was it stated that it was chlorine-free and fragrance-free. After becoming restless, I grabbed the box and went to check out.
In total, the product has five ingredients, but what turned me off was that two of them started with "poly," which in Latin means "many." So that meant that multiple chemicals created that one ingredient or that one ingredient can be broken down and used several different ways. Again, it had less additives than others on the shelves but not as significant to gloat about. I decided to use this panty liner the same way I would use the other one: in moderation.
Leak-Proof Underwear
To skip over the pad, panty liners, and tampons, another option is leak-proof underwear. With proper care, these can be handwashed to be worn over and over again.
Brands offer lingerie that caters to heavy days, light days, and regular days, so one pair of underwear might not fit all during certain days. The sizes provided depend on where you are in your cycle. Also, for some of us, they can be on the expensive side, with one pair retailing at $36.00. It's recommended that you don't use any fabric softener, but you must read respective care instructions by the brand.
Vegan-Friendly Feminine Wash
Like many of you, I visited my local Target and Wal-Mart to purchase the Honey Pot's feminine wash, and after using it for two days, it has changed my life. The packaging, the scents, and even the instructions indicate the love and the passion behind the products. The company makes women feel like they are the priority, and the product feels like it's doing the job. It lathers well and doesn't leave any residue.
I know we love the smells of an ocean breeze, citrus, and rose, but popular washes with those scents only disrupt the pH. Most of the ingredients in the Honey Pot's products are commonly familiar, such as lavender and aloe vera.
Using these as directed can help with pH issues and provide a freshness that we would never have to feel insecure about. I would encourage you all to go on the website and take the quiz. You will then get recommendations on what products to use based on your needs.
And remember, feminine washes should never be inserted directly in the vagina. Science says that the vagina can clean itself. If you must use anything, rinse all products thoroughly.
Vaginal Steaming
No matter how many times you refresh the explore page about vaginal health on Instagram, there is always a post on vaginal steaming. Some of the benefits of steaming can include reduced bloating during menstruation, regulation of irregular periods, increase in fertility, and detoxification. Based on your current pH balance, steaming can lead to a yeast infection, and it is not recommended if you currently have an IUD or are pregnant.
This technique is an ancient practice that has roots in Africa, Asia, and Central America. Testimonials across the web highly recommend that all women practice steaming. Not only does it detoxify your vagina, but it detoxifies your spirit, and many women use this time to meditate and practice spiritual affirmations. Before trying vaginal steaming, consult with your doctor and read the instructions.
Since having my IUD removed more than a month ago, I'm allowing my body to heal or go back to normal on its own. I've made it a routine to consume the proper supplements that will contribute to a healthier vagina, hormone regulation, and regular menstrual cycles in hopes of increasing my chances of bearing children one day. In hindsight, when we nurture and care for the most sacred part of our body, the rest of it seems to fall in place. Doing so creates a healthy balance that will only enhance our womanhood.
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Writer, Empath, Listener, Self Improver, and a motivational speaker to her homegirls Teisha LeShea currently resides in California who loves to add fifteen million items to her Amazon cart. She is passionate about wellness, spiritual improvement, leveling up, and setting up twice a month therapy appointments. She writes with you in mind. Her listicle and personal stories will inspire you to dig deep within yourself to be a better you. You can follow her on Instagram @teisha.leshea and & @tl_teisha.leshea
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images