A Brief History Of The Power Of Black Love & Marriage In America
When we think about Black history, we often see images of major moments in time, like marches, revolutions, political triumphs, innovations, or sports highlights, but how would any of these things come to be without Black love?
Black love, Black marriage and Black history existed long before white Europeans kidnapped and enslaved our ancestors and brought them from Africa to this land. Our very existence today is evidence of our ancestors' strong Black love for us, and hope for a better future. So, in this vein, let’s take a look at a snapshot of the history of Black love and marriage in America, through the ages:
1800s: Black Marriage Through Challenge
While slavery in America stripped many of our ancestors of their rights, including the right to marry who we choose, Black couples still held wedding ceremonies signified by a practice called “jumping the broom.” According to scholar Alan Dundes, this was common during antebellum times and continues in many Black marriage ceremonies today, in honor of our enslaved ancestors.
Post Civil War and emancipation, many heterosexual Black couples’ marriages were made legal, however, in the former Confederate states, “some whites did not want the law to legitimate,” Black marriage, historian Tera Hunter writes in her book, Bound in Wedlock: Slave and Free Black Marriage in the Nineteenth Century. She adds that white supremacists opposed to Black rights saw Black marriages “as a challenge to social order and racial hierarchy.” In America, Black marriage has always been a revolutionary act.
Late 1800s-1940s: Bonds Run Deeper
By the late 1800s, Black Americans married at higher rates than their white counterparts, and from 1890 up until 1940, Black women married earlier than white women. In fact, according to the U.S. Census, the percentage of Black men 35 and older who never married was lower (at about 8%) between 1890 and 1930, than for their white peers. For Black women, the rate teetered at around 7% and steadied at 10% until 1950.
Famous couples of the era include iconic composer Samuel Coleridge-Taylor and Jessie Walmisley (who wed in 1899); champion boxer Jack Johnson and Etta Terry Duryea (who wed in 1911); and entertainer Josephine Baker and Jean Lion (wed in 1937) who also had many relationships with women, possibly including the legendary artist Frida Khalo.
Famous singers Bessie Smith and Ma Rainey were also bold queer women who pushed boundaries during the time. While Smith was married to Jack Gee in 1923, she reportedly had relationships with women, and so did her mentor Rainey. Rainey even alluded to lesbian affairs in her music, and reportedly had girlfriends while married to her husband Will Rainey.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and wife Coretta Scott King
Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images
1950s-Early 1970s: Fighting For Rights… Including For Who We Love
Many revolutionary movements have historically been held up by power couples. Even as patriarchy relinquished women and queer people to behind-the-scenes roles in the civil rights movements, the wives of the appointed movement leaders were powerhouses in their own right. From Coretta Scott King to Betty Shabazz, to Myrlie Evers-Williams, to Kathleen Cleaver, to Miriam Makeba, and beyond, these women organized the movement and supported, assisted, and led in building and continuing the legacies of activists Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Medgar Evers and Stokely Carmicheal.
All of these leaders fought for legislation and initiatives to change laws and lives during this period, leading to educational, political, and social freedoms that had not been seen before this time. A key change in legislation related to marriage during this time was the legality of interracial marriage, which came in 1967 when Richard and Mildred Loving won their case in the Supreme Court.
Activists were also fighting for LGBTQ protections and rights, including legal marriage. The first LGBTQ+ Pride was held in 1970, commemorating the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall riots, an event sparked by iconic trans activist Marsha P. Johnson after New York City police violently raided the Stonewall Inn, a popular gay bar, and hauled off Black and brown employees and patrons. Unfortunately, queer unions would not be legalized until decades later.
This period was also a time when marriage rates shifted, especially for Black men. By 1960, those who were age 35 and over had a higher percent of never having married (at 10%) when compared with white men, and that percentage remained steady into the 1970s. Black women during this time were more likely to have been married by age 35 than their white counterparts, according to research, until 1970.
Former POTUS Barack Obama and Michelle Obama
Leigh Vogel/WireImage/Getty Images
Early 1980s- 2010s: Evolving & Elevating
TV shows like The Jeffersons, Family Matters, Martin, The Cosby Show, Living Single, and Girlfriends, began to reflect advancements in Black love depictions, and films like Love Jones, Boomerang, and The Best Man reinforced the notion that Black love is strong, ever-changing, and here to stay. Queer love depictions were also in the fold, with shows and films like Set It Off, The Color Purple, Blackbird, Moonlight and Pariah offering a glimpse into diverse narratives of love.
In 2003, Black Marriage Day, an annual celebration of the resilience, importance, and beauty of Black American relationships, was founded by Bisa Muhammad and is celebrated each March. And what a celebration indeed, since just five years later, the landmark U.S. presidential election brought in our first Black POTUS and first lady and ushered in an era of the image of Black love in the White House with Barack and Michelle Obama. In 2015, queer unions were finally legalized nationwide by the Supreme Court.
Actress Niecy Nash and wife Jessica Betts
Robin L Marshall/WireImage/Getty Images
Today: Celebrating Black Love In All Its Forms
Today, we no longer have to wait for Hollywood to show us the images of Black love that we long to see. Thanks to the internet and social media, we can see Black people luxuriating in the expansiveness that our love has to offer 24/7, all over the world. Whole platforms have been created to showcase and celebrate the evolution of Black love including IG’s Black Love Feed and Blackqueer Love and shows like OWN’s Black Love.
The exploration of gender identities, polyamory and other non-monogamous relationships, as well as the de-centering of sexual relationships and the elevation of platonic relationships, radical self-love and community-building, are also redefining what Black love looks like, taking away the pressures of marriage as the only legitimate or "official" source of love and putting the prerogative in the hands of the people. Black love–in all of its forms–has always been revolutionary. And it's never looked more beautiful.
Featured image by Bettmann / Contributor via Getty Images
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert