

Although I'm typically not a fan of phrases like "tear it up" or "beat it down" in references to sex, let's be real—when sex is good and longer than a couple of minutes, our vagina really does take a bit of a beating (in the best way possible, of course), doesn't it? All of that penetration, all of that friction, all of that moving around—especially if you and yours decide to go a few rounds—can totally wear "her" out. And, for most of us, instead of checking in to make sure that ole' girl is alright, we might do the first sexual-aftercare thing that's on this list that I'm about to share but then…we'll just roll over and…fall asleep.
Our vagina is good to us. That's why, we've got to be more intentional about being good to it in return (check out "What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often"). One way to do that is to offer up a little bit of TLC following sexual activity. These eight tips will totally show you how.
Pee After Sex

Even if you don't engage in anal sex, the reality is your rectum and your vagina are pretty darn close together and yes, bacteria from your backside can easily flow into your "frontside". Something that you can do to prevent that, umm, transference from turning into an all-out urinary tract infection (UTI) is to make sure that you pee right after you have sex; that way, your urine can wash that bacteria out. And what if you don't have to go at the moment? Things like turning on your faucet, washing your hands in cold water and—get this—getting a whiff of peppermint essential oil are all things that can trigger your bladder to cooperate with you.
Wash Your Hands After Sex
Hopefully, if you're gonna urinate right after sex, you're going to follow that up with washing your hands (…right?). But even if you decide not to pee, still make a point and practice to wash your hands anyway. If you want to read more about how sex and bacteria are so closely connected, there is a very detailed scientific definition here. For those who just want the Cliff's Notes, chances are, there was also some bacteria on your hands before you even started having sex and then, when the "juices got to flowing", there's an abundance more. If you don't want to spread bacteria even further, especially to your vaginal region, washing your hands can stop it in its tracks. Regular soap is fine. Just make sure that you lather up well, that you get in between your fingers, and that you do this for no less than 20-30 seconds. If you follow these tips, you should be all good.
Take a Bath After Sex

If the sex was so good that it totally wore you and your vagina out (kudos, if so, sis), then you might need to take a bit of a soak in the bathtub.
Warm water has a way of soothing irritated tissue and, if you add a few drops of virgin olive oil into the mix, not only will it deeply hydrate your vaginal skin but the antioxidants in the oil will help to heal your vulva and vagina too.
Just make sure that you bathe with olive oil only. The last thing that your vagina needs right after sex is bubble bath products or heavy perfumes. This brings me to my next point.
Leave Scented Stuff Alone After Sex
Over here, in xoNecole world, we're big fans of taking bathing experiences to the next level. But since penetration oftentimes leaves tiny tears around our vagina and vulva, that means our genital region is more vulnerable than usual. That means strong perfumes, body washes and body sprays can upset the pH balance of our vagina which can result in burning or even trigger a yeast infection. If you don't feel right with simply allowing good old-fashioned H2O to cleanse your vagina, something that I use (and really like) is Pangea Wash. Or, if you're a DIY kinda gal, I wrote an article on vaginal washes that you can make yourself. You can check it out here.
Eat Some Probiotics After Sex
I once heard a woman talk about describing sex to her child as being an amusement park and toxic waste dump rolled into one. When you really stop to think about it, that's a pretty spot-on explanation. While there is probably no better—and by "better", I mean more fun—way to spread bacteria around than participating in coitus, it's still important to "feed your vagina" with foods that will replenish it with good bacteria so that things like yeast infections won't occur. One way to do that is to eat foods that are high in probiotics. While yogurt traditionally leads the list, if you're curious about what some other foods are, check out our article, "The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving".
Drink Water and/or Pure Cranberry Juice After Sex
Did you know that sex can dehydrate your va-jay-jay? It might sound crazy but if you ever notice that, once you're done with round one and about to go into round two that your vagina isn't as wet as before, a part of that could be due to the fluids your body lost from the first session. One way to replenish your system is to drink a couple of glasses of water. Oh, and if you are UTI-prone, substitute one of those glasses for pure cranberry juice. Its acidic level has a way of knocking out any bacteria that may try to irritate you and your vagina up the pike.
Clean Your Sex Toys After Sex
While a lot of the bacteria that comes from our bodies will die on a sex toy once the bacteria dries up, there are things like Gardnerella vaginalis (the bacteria that causes bacterial vaginosis) that can linger on one for up to 48 hours (yuck).
That's why it is imperative that you thoroughly wash your sex toys after using them. For tips on how to do that effectively, feel free to check out Health's "The Essential Guide to Cleaning Your Sex Toys (Yes, There's a Right Way to Do It!)". Your vagina will thank you later.
Sleep Naked After Sex
While I know some people who are quick to put some sort of clothes on after gettin' it in, it really is best to stay naked instead. From a health and wellness perspective, going commando while you sleep does everything from reduce your stress levels and give your skin a chance to breathe to help you to sleep faster (and better) and even keep your blood sugar levels balanced. Since we're specifically talking about vaginal health today, let me share why your vagina would be thrilled if you didn't cover it up either. All of us naturally produce yeast in our vaginal area. Well, when we're wearing confining items, that can cause yeast—yeast that is already in a warm, wet and dark environment—to multiply which can also cause a yeast infection. If you'd still prefer to have something on at night, at least make sure it's not nylon panties, a thong or anything that's tight (like lingerie). Organic cotton would be your best bet. But again, naked is really what would make your vagina extra happy; especially right after you have sex.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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