How Black Lives Matter Co-Founder Patrisse Cullors Practices Self-Care & Finds Balance
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Login, class is now in session with Professor Patrisse Cullors, co-founder of the Black Lives Matter Global Network and Founder of Dignity and Power Now.
Patrisse, an activist, artist, and organizer is taking her experience in leading an international social movement for justness, to the collegiate level, as an adjunct professor at Prescott College in Arizona. As part of the college's Social Justice & Community Organizing Masters program, Patrisse is advancing her BOSS status by teaching how art intersects with fairness in justice advocacy. Her online course educates adult students on the complexities of these topics. For Patrisse, this work is needed. "One of the big things in our movement is the lack of understanding of creativity and culture and the role it plays in shifting societies," she explained. "I think the biggest issue I have with the art world is how disconnected they can be towards what is happening in the everyday world, so this class is a merger of the two."
In 2013, Patrisse, Alicia Garza, and Opal Tometi created Black Lives Matter. The movement is an example of women rising up for their community in the name of injustice. Within this divisive political climate, Professor Cullors is striving to stay centered as a shot caller who leads from the top with compassion.
Juggling a new role in academia, recently penning the New York Times Bestseller "When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir," and appearing on BET's Rest in Power: The Trayvon Martin Story, Patrisse shares that finding balance while wearing many impactful hats requires implicit self-care. "I'm just in this space where I'm re-engaging how I take care of myself as a priority because I have a family. I have a child," she said. "I also just want to spend time with my friends and this becomes really critical."
In this installment of xoNecole's Finding Balance, we spoke with Patrisse on how she finds balance as a college professor who still works to let the world know that 'Black Lives Matter.'
You’re an artist, organizer, activist, and now a college professor. How did this collaboration to teach a digital course come to fruition?
I was invited into the program to teach about organizing in the art world and Prescott College in Arizona has a social justice program. They asked me if I wanted to be a part of their online program. I was very honored to join. It's a program of mostly all-women professors, which I thought was amazing.
What do you enjoy most about teaching?
I'm teaching about what I love, which is organizing and art, and I want it to be felt by the students. It's my first time teaching an online course so I guess I feel like, is it going to be as impactful and [are] they going to feel as moved? It's a masters program. No one is forcing them to be here and so in that sense I'm really excited!
How do you stay grounded with all that you’re juggling?
One of the ways I'm newly learning is how to build better boundaries with myself and with my colleagues –setting the parameters around what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.
I'm a very loving and caring person. When I work with people, I really consider them family and I think doing a better job at holding what is for me and what is for other people [is crucial]. I think sometimes that blends and that can be really messy.
"One of the ways I'm newly learning is how to build better boundaries with myself and with my colleagues –setting the parameters around what is acceptable and what is not acceptable."
How does a peaceful day begin for you?
I wake up every morning and I try not to get on my phone as a first thing! I make sure that I eat breakfast. I pray in the morning. I hang out with my child before he goes to school.
I really try to start my day by what I need to do for myself and spend time with my child. I just reestablished a workout regimen as part of my everyday, whether it's walking or going to the gym. Just really trying to be in my body.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
This is critical and I'm not at the best in this area. I think as I've grown in my own leadership and my own visibility. I'm realizing that not everybody's intentions are good when they are trying to be in a relationship to you. This becomes really hard and really difficult and discernment becomes key for me.
Work?
Discerning when I'm working with someone on a project, I don't need them to be my family. They are working on a project and they can work on the project that they are here for. I have my family and I have my community. Those are the relationships that I really need to be cultivating.
How do you break through with moments of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
It depends. Sometimes, I try to control the situation. Lately, I've been saying the serenity prayer. That prayer is such an important prayer because we can't fix everything. We literally can't.
And honestly, what does success mean to you?
I think it's meant different things in different moments. I don't see success primarily as a work goal. I've been incredibly successful on paper with what I've done and with the accolades I've received. But accolades don't equal healthy relationships.
The healthier the relationships, whether it's my family or my friends or my community-that's really important. At the end of the day, I'm not going to die with a bunch of trophies at my funeral. It's going to be about the people who love me and who I care for.
Press forward Professor Cullors! Press forward and teach us!
Follow Patrisse as she fights for freedom on Instagram and Twitter @osopepatrisee. Learn more about her new courses at Prescott College.
*This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Featured image by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images
Erica Ayisi is a freelance international journalist who covers the Black global experience. She's filed numerous feature news reports from the United States, United Kingdom, Jamaica, and Africa. Go global with her @akosua0906 on Instagram & Twitter.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert