Since November is typically the month when a lot of emphasis placed on the importance of expressing gratitude for all of the things that you are thankful for and also since I tend to spend a somewhat significant amount of time talking about one of the things that makes womanhood so amazing — our vaginas — I thought that now was as good of a time as any to share some ways where you can actually show your vagina — and vulva (which is the outer part of your vagina) — some love in this lane. And while I know that, initially, this all might sound a little crazy, if you look at what gratitude really means, I'm thinking that it will help to put this into context in a pretty inspiring way.
Gratitude: to be appreciative
Appreciate: to be thankful for; to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on; to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect; to raise in value
Vaginas help to bring us sexual pleasure. Vaginas play a role in our reproductive system and helping us to conceive. Oftentimes, our babies are birthed through our vaginas. How could something that holds so much significance not deserve to get a little appreciation every once in a while? So, in honor of my vagina and yours, here are 12 things that we all should at least consider doing in order to let "her" know that we see her and that we are so thankful for all that she does. Straight up.
1. Think of All of the Reasons Why You’re Thankful for Your Vagina
I've got a friend who says that she's never looked at her vagina, professionally "manicured" her vagina, or really given her vagina much thought at all. "I mean, I'll cut the hair down sometimes for my husband but that's about it." As a marriage life coach and doula (by profession, I see a lot of vaginas due to the second gig) and also knowing that she's been married for over 30 years and has vaginally birthed two kids, I often say, "You don't want to show your vagina some gratitude for all that 'she's' done for you?" She always finds that to be a hybrid of hilarious and ridiculous. Meanwhile, I'm dead serious.
It's easy to take anything for granted when you don't stop to reflect on what it does for you — body parts included. So, before doing anything else, take a moment to think about why your vagina is bomb. I've done it and doing so has made it a lot easier to do some of the other things on this list, consistently and without hesitation.
2. Bathe in Honeysuckle and Coconut Oil Once a Week
Whether it's to soothe any minor irritation that your vulva may be experiencing or to pamper it, treat your genital region to a soak — one that contains honeysuckle and coconut oil. While some of you may not have heard the word "honeysuckle" since you were a kid, it's actually got a ton of health-related benefits including the fact that it contains properties to help reduce inflammation, strengthen your immunity and help to prevent viruses too. If you add to honeysuckle, a half cup of coconut oil, thanks to the oil's potent antimicrobial and antibacterial properties, it can help to naturally reduce yeast-related symptoms, fight UTIs and also restore moisture if you happen to be dealing with any vaginal dryness.
And where, pray tell can you find honeysuckle? A lot of health food stores that carry loose leaf herbs happen to have it. In fact, Walmart even sells it online (click here). Add ½ to a cup of honeysuckle and a couple of tablespoons of organic coconut oil to your bath water, let it sit for 10 minutes, soak for 20 and you'll be in a bath of luxury.
3. Soak in a Sea Salt Water Solution Following Your Period
I don't know about you but sometimes, on the day after the last day of my period, there is a little bit of discharge that irritates my vulva. Something that helps to bring everything back to balance is soaking in a tub that has about a half cup of sea salt in it. This works because this kind of salt contains antibacterial properties that help to decrease itching while also stopping bacteria from multiplying. A 30-minute soak, two days in a row after your cycle, should just about do the trick.
4. Cleanse Your Vagina with a Rosemary, Basil and Honey Solution
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes." The main reason why is because, from articles I've read, conversations with health professionals that I've had, and also personal experience, I've learned that when it comes to cleaning my vagina 1) less is more and 2) if you do want to use a wash of some sort, it should be as natural as possible. Here's where another DIY recipe comes in. If you make one that consists of rosemary, basil leaves, organic honey, and distilled water, your vulva can receive all sorts of benefits (because remember, your vagina is self-cleaning, so it doesn't need any "help").
Rosemary oil is dope because it's loaded with antioxidants and anti-inflammatory compounds that can help to fight bacterial growth and increase blood circulation. Basil leaves are awesome because they have antimicrobial, antifungal, and antibacterial properties in them. And honey? Honey is good because it has antibacterial and antifungal effects properties in it that can help your vagina to maintain its natural flora while also soothing irritated skin and even helping to fight off a yeast infection.
Just steep two cups of basil leaves in three cups of distilled water (which is the kind of water that has no impurities in it) for an hour. In the last two minutes, add three tablespoons of organic honey and two tablespoons of rosemary oil. Pour the solution into a container and then use it as needed. It's great.
5. Treat Your Vagina Like a Plant
Did you know that talking to your plants can help them to fight off infection? Along these same lines, while there isn't necessarily a lot of scientific data that supports talking to your vagina, you definitely should feel comfortable talking about it (especially with your doctor) as well as looking at it on a fairly consistent basis; not just as a preventative measure but so that you can become more confident with that part of your body too (check out "10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem").
One way to do that is by giving yourself a vaginal self-exam (check out "Why You Should Give Yourself A 'Vaginal Self-Exam'"). As you're doing it, have a "plant parent" mentality by being positive, gentle and at peace with whatever your vulva and vagina look like (check out "Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.") because they're all special and wondrous in their own special way.
6. Eat Probiotic Foods
When you get a chance, check out "80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This." Since so much of your immune system is in your gut and because there are good and bad bacteria in it, it's important to consume probiotics in order to keep the bad bacteria from taking over. This same line of thinking applies to your vagina because there are good and bad bacteria there too.
In fact, there is actually a strain of probiotics known as L. acidophilus that has been proven to help keep your vagina's pH in balance (check out "Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced"); the more "balance" you have, the less prone you will be to yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. Some foods that are high in probiotics include fermented ones like yogurt, pickles, mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, pickled veggies, and kefir.
7. Take Your Vagina on a Panty Shopping Spree
I'm willing to bet some pretty good money that you've got some panties that are well past their expiration date. How do I know? Because we are supposed to swap out the old for the new, every six months. So yeah, nothing says, "I love you, vagina. Good lookin' out" quite like setting aside some time to do nothing but purchase new undies. Cotton ones for day-to-day wear so that your vagina can breathe. Silk, satin, and/or lace ones to seduce your partner. Boy shorts because they are comfortable and still casually sexy. Some hipsters and bikinis because the cuts are cute on just about everyone. Some thongs for when you don't want your panty lines to show. Some control briefs for your bloat days. And if you're really honest with yourself, it's probably time to get some new period drawers too. If anything carries bacteria, it's those bad boys.
It would suck to get a yeast infection following your period because your panties had your vulva and vagina all stressed out. Anyway, Women's Health Mag published an article on some of the best period panties around. You can check it out here.
8. Give Your Vagina a Massage
If there's one thing that you keep telling yourself that you are going to start doing more often is getting a massage, take the time to read "12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.," then consider giving yourself a vaginal massage. While, off the rip, it might sound like I'm talking about masturbation, I'm actually not. Sometimes, I will take a favorite carrier oil (sweet almond is one of mine; it's good for the vulva because it deeply moisturizes) and gently massage my vaginal lips (especially once I get out of the shower).
It's great because it improves blood circulation, adds healing oils to that area of my body, and helps to de-stress my vagina (check out "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?") too. While a lot of cities actually have vaginal massage practitioners (some prefer to call themselves a yoni massage practitioner), this really is an exercise that you can do on your own, so long as you're doing it strictly for pampering purposes only.
9. Apply Some All-Natural Vagina Oil
Not too long ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "OK, So WTF Is 'Winter Vagina'?". Long story short, when it's cold outside and/or you spend too much time in dry HVAC heat, it can dry out your vulva lips and lead to irritation or discomfort. Something that can bring about some much-needed relief is applying a little bit of oil. Just make sure it's an oil that is proven to be highly beneficial for your skin (and won't irritate your vulva) like grapeseed (it's got an abundance of Vitamin E in it), avocado (it improves elasticity and helps to prevent dry skin) and sunflower oil (it's got Vitamin E, antioxidants, fatty acids, and linoleic acid to help your skin to retain moisture). Whether applied separately or mixed together, these oils will be sure to keep your vaginal lips well soothed and moisturized.
10. Let “Her” Breathe Sometimes
I've shared before that while my health is pretty darn good, one thing that I do have is fungal sensitivity. As a result, I have to be super proactive when it comes to staying away from things that would trigger a yeast infection or a skin condition known as tinea versicolor. For instance, sometimes there will be a patch of skin, underneath my armpit, that will turn into a yeast patch. It can be hell because, since my arm is down 95 percent of the time, that can be a breeding grown for moisture which yeast likes to thrive off of.
Another place that stays moist is your vagina. So, in order to keep it from being a breeding ground for bad bacteria and an overgrowth of yeast too, it's important that you let it breathe sometimes as well. Definitely go to bed naked (at least a few times a week) and shoot, don't be afraid to go commando (if you're wearing a dress or skirt; pants could be really uncomfortable and cause unnecessary friction) sometimes also. Because, word on the street is, wearing underwear less often can also reduce your chances of getting a UTI (urinary tract infection) because you decrease the risk of tiny pieces of fecal matter going into your vagina. Plus, you also reduce the chances of your vaginal lips chafing or getting irritated. The more you know.
11. Drink Some Pomegranate Juice (in a Champagne Glass)
If you've never tried pomegranate juice, I personally find it to taste pretty good. And once I found out how beneficial it was to my health, I started making it a part of my health regimen. Pomegranate juice is full of antioxidants and Vitamin C. It's loaded with anti-inflammatory and antiviral properties. Plus, it has Vitamin E and potassium in it. This means that when it comes to your vagina specifically, this is the kind of juice that can help to keep bacteria at bay, moisturize your vagina and even act as an aphrodisiac too.
Just pour some of it in a champagne glass — you know, to toast you and "her" — and you're good to go in more ways than one, chile.
Write a Vaginal Mission Statement (No, Really!)
Personally, I'm all about mission statements, not just professionally but personally as well. To me, they are a succinct way of sharing what you believe the purpose, intention, and desire for an overall thing or goal should be. And well, when you put it that way, why shouldn't your vagina have its own mission statement? What purpose does "she" serve? What's your intention for her? What do you desire to be the ultimate outcome for her in this season of your life?
Because, as unconventional as it might sound to approach your vagina from this angle, when you're clear about what you want for her and how you want her to be treated, it will make upkeep, health-related priorities, "extracurricular activities" and yes, showing her some gratitude so much easier to do. So, before this month wraps up, definitely jot down a paragraph or two that centers around a mission statement for your vagina. She'll appreciate the forethought — and sis, so will you. Give thanks.
To learn more about all things vaginal health and wellness, check out the xoNecole Women's Health section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 5 Holistic Ways I Take Care Of My Vaginal Health ›
- Ever Wonder What Different Vaginal Smells Mean? I Got You. ›
- This Is How Yoni Massages Relate To Sexual Healing - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert