

Although pregaming’s origin is connected to events that transpire before an actual athletic game, I started hearing the word, A LOT, once college students started saying that it’s the drinking that you do before, well, more drinking. And now that the word is on commercials ‘n stuff for all sorts of random reasons — yeah, when it comes to creating a ritual that will get yourself ready for sex, I think that “pregaming” is fitting in that manner too.
So, let’s do this. Since, when it comes to coitus, your vagina will be the MVP (see what I just did there?), here are 12 — well, technically 13 — things that you can do to pregame “her” for all of the action that is to come.
1. Eat Vitamin C-Rich Foods

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If you’ve ever wondered what can lead to infections like bacterial vaginosis (BV) and yeast infections, it’s what typically transpires when your vagina’s pH levels are off (check out “Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced”). Something that can keep your pH where it needs to be (so that there are more “good bacteria” in your vagina than bad) is to either take a vitamin C supplement or to consume foods that are high in the nutrient. Some of those include bell peppers, strawberries, tomatoes, white potatoes, cabbage, citrus fruits, and cantaloupe. Even eating these in the hours before you plan on having sex can help to ward off irritations that could lead to certain types of vaginal itching and discomfort later on.
2. Consume Some Kefir Yogurt

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Even though there’s a Harvard study that professes that probiotics do very little to maintain vaginal health (what in the world?), there is also plenty of other intel that says the complete opposite. For one thing, what many experts (including ones from the institution) can agree on is that probiotics do wonders for preserving your gut health — and since roughly 80 percent of your immune system is housed there, indirectly your vagina is gonna benefit right there alone. Not only that, but when your vagina doesn’t have as much Lactobacillus acidophilus (a type of probiotic that’s loaded with good bacteria that is in your mouth, gut, and vagina) as it should, things like having unprotected sex could result in a change in your discharge, a fishy smell or itchiness.
Something that contains more probiotics than “regular” yogurt is kefir which is a type of fermented milk drink. Since it also has plenty of protein along with a good amount of vitamin B12, calcium, and phosphorus, drinking some will always be a good move as far as your vaginal (sexual) health goes.
And while it’s kind of difficult to find some firm data for my final point, as someone who is a big fan of the Lifeway Kefir brand, I personally think that another bonus that comes with kefir is it makes your vaginal area smell more pleasant; some people I’ve recommended it to said that their partner claims that they taste better down below, after consuming it, too.
3. Drink Plenty of Infused Water
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If you haven’t been treating your system to some DIY-infused water, I’m telling you that you’re totally missing out. Not only does it make drinking “plain” water easier to do, but it can also help to control your appetite, regulate your blood sugar levels, detox your system, hydrate your body and improve your immunity as well. Know what else infused water can do? Provide your vagina with more natural lubrication as it helps to flush out bad bacteria that may be sitting up in there. So yeah, definitely indulge in some infused water prior to sex. Taste of Home has over 20 fruit-based recipes that you can try out here.
4. Work on an Exercise Ball
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When it comes to strengthening vaginal walls, who hasn’t heard about the importance of doing kegels? Uh-huh, but what do you know about swapping out your office chair for an exercise ball? Word on the street is if you sit on it for even 15-30 minutes a day, it will automatically cause the muscles of your pelvic floor to contract which could definitely pregame you for some better orgasms later on.
5. Be Panty-Less
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If you work from home, try and avoid putting on any underwear the day that you plan on gettin’ it in. The more that your vaginal region is able to “breathe,” the more that you decrease the chances of extra moisture, ultimately irritating and/or causing some sort of pH imbalance down there before you even get around to having sex.
6. Give Yourself a Perineal Massage
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As a doula, something that I oftentimes recommend pregnant women do (actually, it’s more like I suggest that their partner do it to them) is get an at-home perineal massage on a weekly basis once they enter into their third trimester. From a birthing standpoint, it helps to stretch their vaginal opening, which can ultimately decrease their chances of ripping or tearing during childbirth (or even needing an episiotomy, for that matter).
We all know how (most) babies are made, so guess what? If you have a partner who is… “bigger than average” (an average erect penis is 5.5”), another pregame hack would be to give yourself a version of this massage, basically for the same reason: to stretch out your vaginal skin. Propping your lower back up with a couple of pillows, put a non-irritating carrier oil like sweet almond, vitamin E, or hemp seed oil onto your index and middle fingers and then gently caress the rim of your vaginal opening for even five minutes the day before and day of sex can make intercourse way more comfortable.
Just make sure to go with something like a water-based lubricant (or even some 100 percent pure aloe vera gel) instead of oil if you’re going to use a condom the day of sex; oils tend to thin out rubbers, and that makes them far less effective.
7. Clean Your Clitoral Hood
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I once read a story that damn near horrified me. I’m not sure how long your pubic hair has to get in order for so much of it to be trapped in your clitoral hood that you have to basically circumcise it to get rid of it all (ain’t it wild how so many women “forget” that the skin on their clitoris is basically foreskin?). LAWD. It definitely served as the inspiration behind a piece that I penned for the platform a while back entitled, “7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood.”
Anyway, sometimes vaginas can get irritated during or after sex because there is hair, lint, or some dried-up discharge that’s caught up in the clitoral hood. This can be remedied by putting some olive oil on a Q-tip, slightly pulling the skin that’s covering your clitoris, and using the Q-tip to clean the area out. It’s a small hack that can make a really big difference. Trust me.
8. Condition Your Pubic Hair
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Fairly recently, I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “12 Men Told Me What They Love So Much About Vaginas” (check it out when you get a chance). Something that wasn’t expounded on (that I do get told fairly often whenever the topic of va-jay-jays comes up) is how much a lot of men enjoy pubic hair — more specifically, well-groomed pubic hair. As you’re keeping that in mind, do your partner a solid by also making sure to condition your pubic hair on the day that you plan on having sex. By applying some avocado, jojoba, or carrot seed oil (for example) right after you get out of the shower, those hairs will become so much softer — which will make oral sex more pleasant for the giver and, by default, the receiver too.
9. Replenish with a Yoni Gel
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If you’re someone who, no matter how many preventative measures you take to avoid it, still end up with a bit of an unpleasant scent during sex or some (minor) vaginal irritation afterward, you might want to try applying an all-natural type of vaginal gel. One that many people sing the praises of is Sugar Baby’s Sweet Kitty Yoni Gel. It contains rosewater, aloe vera, and tea tree oil — all of which are great at keeping your vulva skin healthy and smelling fresh.
10. Apply an Aphrodisiac Scent to Your Inner Thighs
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Did you know that people with a heightened sense of smell tend to have more intense orgasms, while those with a lower sense of smell typically have a lower sex drive? Something that you can do to increase your and your partner’s chances of experiencing the former instead of the latter is to put some perfume, cologne, or, my personal favorite, an aphrodisiac-themed essential oil (check out “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last”) in between your thighs. If you’ve got a man who partakes of your “fruit” readily and willingly, he will love the experience all the more if his sense of smell is perked up with an enticing scent that’s been strategically placed on your inner thighs.
11. STOP Making Yourself Urinate Before Sex
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This one might throw you for a loop, and if so, I totally get it. Yet no, you ARE NOT supposed to urinate prior to having sex.
According to many medical professionals, you actually should wait until after having sex before going to the bathroom. The reason why is that the more urine that you have stored up in your vagina, the easier it will be for the acid in it to push out any bacteria that intercourse may have pushed up further into your vaginal region — the kind that could potentially lead to a nasty urinary tract infection (UTI).
I mean, if you’ve gotta go (before), you gotta go. All I’m saying is, if you’ve been making it a rule of thumb for your sex life, you’re ultimately doing yourself more harm than good. The more you know.
12. Have Your Own Condom Collection
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Recently, I was having a conversation with two guys in their 20s about how they would rather pull out and go through pregnancy scares from time to time than wear a condom. SMDH. And before you chalk them up to being the exception and not the rule, it can’t be said enough that, reportedly, only one-third of men and one-quarter of women use condoms. This isn’t only irritating but triggering to know, considering the fact that an estimated (and whopping) one million new STD diagnoses are handed out worldwide on a daily basis — and many of them are asymptomatic (the only time I got an STD, chlamydia was dormant in my system for almost two years; a bout of mono and strep throat “woke it up”…no joke!).
This is one of the many (MANY) reasons why only mentally and emotionally mature people should have sex because, being willing to intentionally put you and another person’s health at risk and/or experience an unwanted pregnancy, just because you want an “amplified sensation,” is not a good enough reason to forego rubbers. That’s why you shouldn’t rely on the guy to wrap it up; have your own condom stash on hand too.
Not just to prevent infections or pregnancy but to also keep your vaginal irritations down. If you happen to not be a fan of latex and would prefer to go with an alternative like polyurethane, polyisoprene, or even the female condom; Undercover Condoms is a site that has a wide variety of affordable prophylactics that will be mailed out to you quickly and discreetly, by the way…you’re welcome.
BONUS: Look Into Vaginal Plumping
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Finally, if you want to get more adventurous when it comes to sex, yet a part of what’s holding you back is not feeling as confident about how your vagina looks, first read “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep” and then do some research on a process that’s known to some as vagina plumping and to others as labia puffing. Long story short, it’s a non-surgical procedure that consists of derma fillers being injected into your vaginal lips so that they appear fuller and more youthful-looking.
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There you have it, y’all — ways that your vagina can get prepared for one of the best activities that life has to offer. Have fun!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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