Even though I don't do social media, most platforms are "open enough" to where I can tiptoe in to see what folks are talking about. Not too long ago, Yara Shahidi posted a video that I thought would be perfect for this post.
I am very open about the fact that I'm pretty close to being a fully recovered control freak (praise the Lord!). But if there's one area of my life, where I know that I still have a little bit of fine tweaking to do, it's when it comes to popping zits. Ugh. Nothing irks me more than to have a tiny mound staring at me (especially if it's already come to a head). Every time I notice one, 8 times out of 10, I tell myself that I'd rather deal with the scab and scar than a hill of sebum and puss. That is until the scar arrives, and it takes longer to fade than I estimated.
So yeah, let me start this off with, if you want to significantly decrease your chances of getting an acne scar in the first place, it's important that you avoid picking at your zits as much as possible. But, if like me, you have moments when you absolutely cannot resist the urge (I need someone to start a support group for us), here are some all-natural ways to fade out your acne scars so that you can have clear, smooth and flawless skin…(hopefully) again.
What Causes Pimples in the First Place?
OK, so before we get into how to heal acne scars, how about we discuss what causes unsightly pimples in the first place. Basically, we all have around five million pores, with 20,000 alone being on our face (some of us have larger pores than others, by the way).
Each pore consists of a hair follicle and sebum (natural oil that keeps our skin moisturized). When dirt, dead skin cells and/or bacteria fills up our pores and/or we produce more sebum than a particular pore can actually handle, that pore becomes inflamed and clogged, which makes it impossible for sebum to release from the pore on its own. This creates a build-up of sebum and, if the pore is infected, pus too.
Certain things that can trigger breakouts include excessive sweating, not properly cleansing or exfoliating the body, hormonal shifts, various medications and even genetics.
When You Pick Them, This Is Why They Scab Over
I am 46 and I still get pimples from time to time (sigh). Again, I wish I could say that I don't try to pop them whenever they arise, but sometimes they are simply too irritating to ignore. The reason why zits really should be left alone is because oftentimes pimples will go down within 5-7 days (it takes significantly longer if they are infected or cysts). And when they heal on their own, that can reduce the risk of us popping them. That's a good thing because popping pimples tends to damage the skin that's around the zit itself. Plus, popping them can also result in other pimples forming, thanks-but-no-thanks to the bacteria from the first pimple spilling into other pores. One more thing—popping zits usually creates a bit of a wound and wounds typically scab over. Hence, the phrase "pimple scabs".
How a Scab Leads to a Scar
If you're like me and there are moments when you absolutely can't fight the urge to not pop a pimple, it's important that you wait until it comes to a complete head, that your hands are clean and that you don't apply so much pressure that you A) bruise the skin around the zit or B) you end up bringing blood to the surface. When that happens, it's a telling sign that you've gone too far and that can most certainly lead to a pimple scab. What's that?
A pimple scab is simply what happens when a zit is trying to heal itself after the damage we caused by picking at it in the first place. Problem is, sometimes we end up picking the scab as much as the pimple—and that is what, 9 times outta 10, will lead to a scar.
That's the bad news. The good news is that our skin is far more resilient than we typically give it credit for. So, with the help of time and some of the all-natural remedies that I've got for you below, there's a good chance that, with some patience and consistency, the scar will become a thing of the past.
7 All-Natural Ways to Heal an Acne-Related Scar
Shea Butter. Let me tell it, shea butter is one of the best things that Mother Nature has to offer! There really is no time or space to get into all of the reasons why you should get yourself a tub of it. For now, I'll just say that, thanks to its anti-inflammatory and collagen-promoting properties, if you gently rub it onto your acne marks every night, you will notice that they are smoother and lighter within, I'd say about three weeks or so. (A tip is to make sure to get some unrefined shea butter. It's got the most nutrients in it.)
Raw Honey. It always trips me out that something that tastes as sweet as honey has so many health benefits. When it comes to your skin specifically, its antibacterial and antiseptic properties make it able to thoroughly clean your pores as it moisturizes too. Honey can also help to fade acne marks if you apply it directly on your acne marks, 2-3 times a week for 20 minutes at a time. If you want to see results faster, go with manuka honey; it's got a potent amount of anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties that will help to speed up the healing process.
Aloe Vera Gel. Aloe Vera is awesome. If you use it on your skin, it's a great moisturizer; it contains antimicrobial and antiseptic that helps to heal any minor wounds your skin may have (like popped pimples); it's got polysaccharides and gibberellins that encourage the growth of new skin cells, and it also contains vitamin C and E which promotes the growth of collagen and softens the appearance of acne scars. Just make sure to apply 100 percent pure Aloe, every night, in order to get best results. (It takes 2-4 weeks for noticeable fading to occur.)
Baking Soda. There are two really good reasons to use baking soda on any acne scars that you might have. First, the tiny granules in baking soda makes it an unmatched exfoliant. Second, the properties in baking soda are able to help to keep the pH level of your skin balanced. These two things, working together, makes it one of the cheapest-yet-still-totally-effective ways to make your acne marks go away. Just rub about a teaspoon of baking soda on your damp skin and gently massage. In a couple of weeks, you should notice a real difference.
Sulfur Soap. In the article "All-Natural Ways To Get Your Skin Ready For Spring", something that I made sure to shout-out was sulfur soap. When I tell you that this one thing alone TOTALLY changed the game when it comes to the quality of my skin? My only regret is that I didn't discover it sooner than I actually did. On the acne fighting tip, sulfur dries up excess sebum while also exfoliating dead skin cells that can lead to clogged pores. And, since it's also an exfoliant, it can gently remove the layers of skin that are scar tissue, so that new skin can be revealed (usually in a couple of weeks).
Lavender and Coconut Oil Blend. Coconut oil is packed with fatty acids; acids that work along with antimicrobial properties to help to clear up skin infections, reduce inflammation, moisturize dry skin, heal wounds and increase moisture which can soften the appearance of your acne scars. If you add to coconut oil some lavender essential oil, the properties in lavender can help to kill acne-causing bacteria and also lighten the areas of your skin that may be darker due to acne scars. Add a drop of the lavender oil to a teaspoon of virgin coconut oil and then apply the oil directly onto your acne marks every night. Two weeks of this should lead to semi-impressive results.
Apple Cider Vinegar. Apple cider vinegar is a potent astringent that, thanks to its astringent and antibiotic properties, it can help to balance and even your skin tone. It also has acetic acid in it; that's an acid that helps to inhibit the growth of bacteria, including the kind that causes breakouts in the first place. A combination of two parts distilled water with one-part apple cider vinegar will create a toner that will cleanse your pores and yes, start to fade your acne spots.
Trust me, I get that acne scars are a real culprit when it comes to letting your natural beauty show. But if you're down to give one of these remedies a shot, I can almost guarantee that your skin will start looking and feeling amazing again—at least until that next pimple creeps up (ugh!).
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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