Let me just prepare you out the gate. After reading this, you're probably gonna have a couple of moments of "Daaaaang. So exactly what can I eat?!" The thing is, if you're being even remotely intentional about the kinds of foods that you put into your mouth (and ultimately your system), you're already winning in a lot of ways. And, as far as "unhealthy" goes, if you try your best to avoid things that have a long list of ingredients on the packaging, you're already winning a lot of the battle.
As for the 10 items that I'm about to break down, the main thing to keep in mind is moderation is key. A lot of times, the mistake that we make is if we think something is healthy, we'll eat a ton of it, all day, every day. It's that lack of balance is what can throw things, well, off.
Bottom line, nobody is out here saying that you can't have these types of foods every once in a while (well, at least I'm not). But before you stock up your fridge and pantry with nothing but these items, check out why you should probably rethink that.
1.Fruit Juice
Yes, fruit juice contains Vitamin C and that's a vitamin that is loaded with antioxidants. That's the good news. On the other hand, there is plenty of research to support the fact that, for the most part, there's not much difference between fruit juice and your favorite kind of soda.
All you have to do is read the label of a soda can and then juice container and you'll notice that there may be a 10-15 grams difference of sugar between them (most have around 30 grams of sugar; your body only needs 10 grams per day). Plus, what goes into the process of making juice isn't the best for the environment either. 12 oranges alone make up one cup of OJ. That's a lot of pesticides, irrigation and fuel used to truck juice into your local grocery store. Just something to think about.
If you're wondering what some of the worst so-called healthy commercial juices are, Welch's 100% Grape Juice with Fiber, Simply Orange High Pulp, R.W. Knudsen Just Pomegranate, Ocean Spray 100% Juice No Sugar Added Cranberry and probiotic juices (unfortunately) top the list.
The moral to the story is you'd be better off juicing yourself, making some infused water or at least slicing your juice intake in half by mixing it with half a glass of mineral, sparkling or seltzer water.
2.Soy Products
As a doula, I'm constantly telling new moms that if they do decide to use formula, they need to avoid the kind that contains soy at all costs (especially if they have a son). Why? Soy contains phytoestrogen, which is basically a plant-derived form of the female hormone estrogen.
While soy does contain a decent amount of vitamins C and K, folate, iron, magnesium and potassium, it also tops the list of foods that create "man boobs". Plus, it's one of the most genetically-modified foods around. Another "ugh" thing about soy is studies reveal that it has the tendency to produce more bodily inflammation than cow's milk. Inflammation is never good.
3.Granola Bars
Last year, General Mills removed "100 percent natural" from the popular granola bars. Why, do you ask? Apparently their bars contained glyphosate. What the heck is that? It's a weed killer that has been linked to cancer. As if that's not enough of a reason to rethink eating granola bars (or to at least research the ingredients that are on the label before buying them), they also contain quite a bit of oil and sugar.
Does that mean you can never snack on granola again? No. Just go with making some instead of buying it. That way, you can control how much "extra" goes into it. (A pretty healthy granola bar recipe is found here.)
4.Flavored Yogurt
What could possibly be wrong with yogurt? When it's plain and Greek, not much. Problem is, most of us reach for the kind that is full of sugar and artificial coloring. In fact, many doctors say that not only is flavored yogurt pretty fattening, it also doesn't contain enough protein or fiber to be beneficial.
Before you pick up some Greek yogurt, what are some of the worst brands on the market? Activia Greek Vanilla, Yoplait Greek 100 and Dannon Light & Fit Greek Nonfat Vanilla. Some of the best? Fage Total 2% Greek Yogurt, Stonyfield Organic Greek Whole Milk Plain and Dannon Oikos Greek Nonfat Yogurt Plain. You can click here to read why.
Oh, and if you hate the taste of plain yogurt, remember that you can always add some fresh fruit and/or organic honey to make it more palatable. It's a lot healthier to do it this way than to trust what's on your grocery store's shelves.
5.Whole Wheat Bread
If after you eat pasta or cereal, you notice that you feel nauseated or have a headache, it could be because you've got a wheat allergy that you didn't know about. You can find out for sure by making an appointment with a local allergist. However, that's not the reason why wheat bread makes this list.
The biggest problem with this kind of bread is one, that it's bread. Bread is a high-carb kind of food that is able to raise your blood sugar levels. Bread also contains lectins and phytates; those are toxins that are found in grains. Another problem with a lot of grocery store brands of bread is they're loaded with high fructose corn syrup (which is basically the devil). And, as far as the wheat part goes, most whole wheat bread actually isn't made from whole wheat. Since the grain is ground so finely that, by the time it's ready to eat, it's not much better than (gasp!) white bread. Hmph.
6.Agave Nectar
Some people are hyped about agave nectar because it's a natural sweetener. Problem is, although it registers low on the glycemic index due to its amount of fructose (a hexose sugar that's found in honey and fruit), believe it or not, it contains a greater amount of fructose than high fructose corn syrup. Consuming too much fructose can ultimately lead to type 2 diabetes, heart disease and fatty liver disease too.
Organic honey or even blackstrap molasses is a way better bet. Leave the white sugar and agave nectar alone.
7.Veggie Chips
If lately, you've been snacking on veggie chips because you thought they were a better alternative to standard potato chips, I hate to rain on your parade but that's not really the truth. Sure, veggie chips contain vegetables but most of them are so highly-processed with sugar, salt, oil, artificial colors and preservatives that you might as well have a few Lay's if that's what you really desire.
What's the true healthy alternative? Baking your own veggies at home. DIY kale, sweet potatoes and zucchini chips are all really easy to make and pretty delicious too. Plus, you know how healthy they are (or not) because you made them yourself. (Click here for some great recipes.)
8.Meat Substitutes
Aside from the fact that a lot of meat substitutes contain a lot of soy (and we've already covered what's wrong with that), most of them also contain quite a bit of gluten. The problem with gluten is that it's a gooey kind of protein that can put you at risk of being diagnosed with celiac disease. It's a condition where your small intestine is damaged due to the consumption of gluten. Some other challenges with gluten is it can cause bloating, constipation, fatigue, psoriasis and iron-deficiency anemia too.
So, before you reach out for some vegan bacon or a Morning Star griller, check out the labels to see how much soy and/or gluten they contain. The answer just may surprise you.
9.Store-Bought Smoothies
Smoothies are a quick and convenient way to "drink your fruits and veggies". The challenge that comes with a lot of them is one, we tend to consume 20-24 ounces per sitting (that's a lot) and two, if we buy them at a store, the amount of sugar and carbs can be literally off the charts!
Something else that a lot of people don't know is although a lot of the fruit in smoothies contains fiber, because it's close to liquified, having one smoothie typically makes you hungrier in a shorter period of time than if you ate a whole piece of fruit.
Long story short, if you're looking to lose weight, a smoothie a day will not automatically or necessarily keep the sugar content or fat cells at bay. (Yeah, this is another kind of food that you'd be better off making at home.)
10.Gluten-Free Foods
OK, so we already touched on where too much gluten will get you. Now check out what having none has the potential to do. Aside from going vegan, probably the most popular health trend is eating gluten-free. However, CNN recently published an article that this trend isn't the best idea for everybody. And with good reason.
While one study revealed that going gluten-free can actually be bad for your heart over time, other data supports that a lot of foods that don't contain gluten are loaded with fillers that are no more than junk. Also, your diet needs to be comprised of about 50 percent carbohydrates, which is what gluten contains. So, when it comes to this final unhealthy healthy food, it's much smarter to eat healthy than to decide to kick carbs altogether. Feel me?
Yeah, this was a lot. But now that you have the knowledge that you do, hopefully you'll rethink buying something just because it's packaged—which means marketed—as being healthy. Eat wisely, y'all.
Want more stories like this? Check out these xoNecole related reads:
9 Healthy Breakfast Dishes For Women On-The-Go
10 Foods You Should Eliminate From Your Diet If You're Trying To Lose Weight
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
1 In 4 Men And Women Are Faking It—Science Explains How To Change That
It’s no secret that I can’t stand fake orgasms. There are a billion reasons why — some of which I will get into in just a moment. For now, what I will say is, even if you can rationalize that faking orgasms will “get you out of” the sex that you may be having at the moment, when it comes to long-term satisfaction and benefits, how is faking it really going to get you anywhere? At least anywhere good — which is what you totally and absolutely deserve.
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
____
Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy