Sometimes, when a married couple comes to me and says that they are struggling with feeling truly connected with each other, I'll recommend that they have sex, every day, for a month (check out "Having Sex Every Day. For A Month. Straight. Can Transform Your Marriage."). I won't lie to you. Some of them end up looking at me like I have totally lost my mind. In fact, oftentimes the initial response/reaction will be, "Who has the time to do all of that?!" I mean, we've all got 24 hours in a day, right? On average, many of us easily spend as much as 2 ½ hours on our various social media accounts and sex? Well, men can climax in around five minutes and it takes us somewhere between 20-25 (foreplay included). So yeah—seems to me that if you've got almost three hours to be on Instagram or TikTok, you've easily got 30 minutes to copulate.
And here's the thing—aside from the sheer pleasure that sex (well, at least good sex) offers, there are so many other reasons why making it a top priority, yes on a daily basis, is something that you really should strongly consider doing. If you hear me but you're not fully convinced, I've got 10 (and there are so many more than this) strong arguments for why sex—and more specifically, climaxing during the act—should become as essential as having three meals a day. Every day.
1. Orgasms Will Make Your Immune System Will Be Stronger
Without a strong immune system, our health is consistently compromised. And guess what? The more orgasms you have, the stronger your immunity ends up becoming as a direct result. First up, sex is a pretty good form of exercise (per 24-minute session, men can burn about 100 calories and we can burn around, pardon the pun, 69) and when we get cardio in, it helps our body to fight off germs and free radicals. Also, the more we have sex, the more our immunoglobulin levels (the antibodies in our blood) increase; if we orgasm, they go up even more. Another cool point is when we have orgasms, we actually give our body a nice lil' lymphatic massage. The awesome thing about that is when this part of our body is stimulated, toxins are able to leave our body easier. And that's always a good thing.
2. Orgasms Will Help You Stress Will Be Less
Nothing and no one is worth you stressing yourself out. I mean it. Stress is linked to heart disease, asthma, diabetes, depression, obesity, accelerated aging, and even premature death. Well, something that is increased during an orgasm is oxytocin. What's dope about this particular hormone is it's got the nicknames "the happy hormone" and "the love hormone". That's because, a part of what it does, is send chemical messages to your brain to feel better and closer to your partner. Since both of these things help to relieve a significant amount of tension, you can probably get why having an orgasm can have you feeling like you're walking on clouds—and giggling incessantly while you're doing it.
3. You’ll Look Younger From Having Orgasms
Something that transpires during an orgasm is your body releases a hormone known as HGH. What that stands for is human growth hormone. Well, the amazing thing about this particular point is whenever you cum, HGH is released. Something that happens in connection with that is your system receives a surge of collagen which makes your skin look more soft, supple and radiant. Right. Folks be out here spending millions on department store creams when all they need is to get some more often. I've even read that having sex 2-3 times a week can cause you to look as much as 10 years younger over time.
4. You’ll Feel Sexier From Having Orgasms
When you get a chance, please check out the article, "10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem". There really is no way around the fact that having sex—again, good sex—makes you feel sexier. It's a great way to feel more comfortable in and confident about your body. It helps to affirm aspects of you that make you attractive and special. And, when you're able to give and achieve orgasms, it can bring forth an inner assurance and boldness that is completely unmatched.
5. Orgasms Will Cause Less Headaches to Happen
I'm not sure who came up with the "I've got a headache" as an excuse to not have sex. Whoever it was needs to have this article forwarded to them because actually, right after you orgasm, your oxytocin and endorphin levels surge to the point where any pain that you're feeling is able to significantly decrease. This includes discomfort that is associated with headaches and migraines. As a bonus, orgasms can also increase blood flow to your brain, which gives it more nutrients and ultimately makes you mentally sharper as well.
6. More Orgasms Can Help Regulate Your Period
Is your menstrual cycle literally all over the place? Something that happens when we climax is a flow of blood and nutrients that our body needs rushes down to our reproductive organs. As a direct result, it can actually end up regulating your period. Believe it or not, there are studies which actually support the fact that women who have an orgasm, a couple of times a week, are far more likely to have a period every 26-33 days than those who experience them less often.
7. DHEA and Estrogen Levels Will Increase with Orgasms
Did you know that orgasms can promote healthy hormone production? Let's start with your DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone sulfate). It's the hormone that helps men to produce testosterone and women to produce estrogen. Well, every time that you orgasm, this level spikes up. That's a good thing because DHEA also contributes to things like stronger brain function, healthier body tissues, and great-looking skin. As far as estrogen goes, we need that to stay our gorgeous feminine selves and balanced estrogen levels play a significant role in that. Plus, estrogen is what keeps our vagina tissues in great shape—so that we can have even more orgasms. See how that all works out?
8. Your Blood Circulation Will Get Better From Orgasms
Steady blood flow is critical to our overall health and well-being. Guess what can help to make this happen? Yep, you already know. When you climax, the blood circulation in your body ramps up, to give all of your organs more vitamins, minerals, and oxygen. This helps to strengthen your cells, remove excess waste and boost brain power (for starters). Meanwhile, poor blood circulation can cause all kinds of problems including high blood pressure, muscle cramps, heart disease, strokes, and organ damage. If you see no other reason to have an orgasm a day, let this point serve as your motivation. It could help to save your life. Yes, quite literally.
9. You’ll Be More Faithful in Your Relationship
Oh, don't act like women don't cheat out here (check out "Women Cheat More Than We Think. What To Do If That's You."). Anyway, I remember a husband once saying to me that you don't want to eat when you're not hungry. His point was, when your sex tank is full, it tends to be more challenging to be tempted to cheat. Many couples totally agree with him. I have been told, countless times over the years, that when sex is good and consistent (both, not either or), there is far less of a desire to "dip out". Guess what? When it comes specifically to orgasms, there's a study that reveals that women who fake orgasms are far more likely to cheat than those who don't. I mean, if you'll lie in one area of your relationship, what's to stop you from lying elsewhere? Besides, how long can anyone go acting like they are fulfilled when they really…aren't?
10. Orgasms Will Help You Sleep Like a Baby
I don't know about y'all, but back when I was gettin' it in, there was no sleep that was better than following a couple of orgasms. It was literally like I was dead to the world in the best way possible. That's not some random happenstance. When you orgasm, the endorphin levels (including your oxytocin and prolactin hormones) in your body increase. At the same time, cortisol (your natural stress hormone) ends up decreasing. Plus, your pituitary hormone vasopressin is triggered when you climax and that can make you want to catch some extra zzz's too.
Yeah, while a lot of people are out here thinking that sex at night is due to convenience, another reason so many of us are fans is because it is one of the most effective ways to get a good night's rest too!
There you have it. 10 solid reasons to strongly consider having an orgasm, not every once in a while or even once a week—but every single day of your life. Your mind and body will adore you for it. Science has just proven it.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert