Okay, while I am totally aware of what cuffing season is (I even wrote a couple of pieces on it that you can check out here and here), I've gotta admit that I cracked up when I saw someone post an entire cuffing-related schedule.
As you can clearly see, we've already passed the "scouting" portion of the program. Apparently, we are now in the "drafting" part. Anyway, as I was sharing this data with a male friend of mine, he went on and on about how important it really and truly is to have a "cuddle buddy" during the fall and winter seasons. "It's not even really about sex," he said. "You just want to curl up under someone with some wine and a blanket and watch some movies all day on the couch." Uh-huh. I've known this guy long enough to know that he doesn't just want to cuddle; however, his statement is what inspired me to write this article.
What Are the Benefits of Cuddling?
Cuddling. Have you ever stopped to think what that word actually means? When you cuddle with someone, oftentimes, you are giving them an extended and affectionate hug. When you cuddle with someone, you are embracing them to show love and/or warmth and care. When you cuddle with someone, you are expressing that you want to experience a relaxed sense of intimacy with them. Cuddling is precious. And it really is such a perfect physical act for the fall season. Not only that but it comes with some solid science-based reasons for why all of us should be doing it.
So, whether you are already booed up for the fall or you're still scouting some potentials to "cuff," here are eight reasons why cuddling is one of the best things that you can do as we prepare to enter into my favorite season of the year — autumn.
8 Cuddling Health Benefits
1. Cuddling Reduces Your Stress Levels
Oxytocin is a natural hormone that serves as a chemical messenger to the brain. One of the things that it has a reputation for is it causes people to bond with one another whenever intimacy (like kissing, sex, and cuddling) transpires. That's why one of its popular nicknames is "the love hormone". Where I'm going with this is, when you cuddle with another person and oxytocin is triggered in your system, it permeates feelings like comfort, peace, and calm which results in your stress levels dropping.
A lot of health-related issues including heart disease, asthma, depression, headaches, and even diabetes are directly tied to stress. That's why it's a good idea to see cuddling as a way to be proactive about keeping your stress levels way down, for the sake of your overall health and well-being.
2. Cuddling Increases Your Emotional IQ
If someone were to offer you a thousand bucks to define "alexithymia", would you be able to do it? Basically, what it boils down to is not being able to either recognize or define your feelings (I should probably write something on that, huh?). And just what does this have to do with cuddling?
Well, what some researchers have discovered is that when we cuddle, it actually increases our emotional IQ levels. That's because, typically, if we are comfortable enough to cuddle with someone, we're also comfortable enough to share with them our thoughts and feelings.
Hmph. No wonder pillow talk can be so effective in relationships. Interesting.
3. Cuddling Boosts Your Immunity
As we're headed into cold and flu season (especially while we're still in the midst of a pandemic…whew), it's important to be as proactive as possible about strengthening your immune system (check out "Ready To Try 10 Quick & Easy Immune-Boosting Hacks?"). Believe it or not, one way to do that is by cuddling up with someone. I'm not kidding.
There are studies citing the fact that people who hug up often are less likely to get sick when they are exposed to the viruses that lead to colds and the flu than folks who don't. So, aside from boosting your vitamin C intake, cuddling is a proven weapon against sneezing, coughing 'n stuff.
4. Cuddling Aids in Healthy Digestion
Are you someone who battles with bloating, nausea or some form of digestion-related discomfort? Somebody needs to hurry up and cuddle with you. I'm not kidding.
Remember how I talked about how beneficial oxytocin is when it comes to reducing your stress levels? Well, when your system isn't stressed out, that takes some of the pressure off of your digestive tract, making it easier for you to process the food you eat.
Out of all of the health benefits of cuddling, I think this is the one that tripped me out the most.
5. Cuddling Boosts Your Self-Esteem
I'm thinking this particular point is a given. At the end of the day, all of us want to feel wanted and when someone cuddles with us, that message is conveyed pretty well. And when we feel like someone is into us on this kind of level, that can do wonders for our self-esteem. And when we feel good about ourselves, we tend to be more intentional about making decisions that will be good for our mind, body and spirit. Yep, cuddling is an ego booster in the best way possible as well.
6. Cuddling Helps to Block Pain Signals
Most of us have seen a television show or movie where there's a scene that features someone holding another person's hand in the hospital as the patient smiles. Believe it or not, there is actually something quite real to that because there's data to support that when we're feeling bodily pain and our hand is held, pain signals get blocked and we're able to find some relief. If that sounds unbelievable to you, you can check some info on it for yourself right here.
7. Cuddling Makes You Feel Closer to Your Partner
Last year, Web MD published an article entitled, "Need Better Sleep? Get a Partner". Aside from some of the other benefits that I've already touched on, when you're cuddling with your partner, it's a proactive way of spending some much-needed quality time as you express love through physical touch. Yep. The couple who cuddles together has a far greater chance of staying together too.
8. Cuddling Gives You a Better Night’s Rest
Speaking of bonding with your partner, if you like to spoon, I totally get it. Indeed, I do. So, let me just close all of this out by saying that I am in full support of you and your "spooning partner" doing it more often because this type of cuddling actually helps you to remain in your REM state of sleep. That way, you can get more quality rest throughout the night, so that you can wake up feeling more refreshed in the morning. So, what are you waiting for, sis? Get to cuddling.
Featured image by Getty Images
RELATED
And today? Today, I’m going to share something that, if you are married, you can do to improve your sex life that is actually super easy and hella effective. It just requires moving into a different space. Yes, literally.
Read on, and I’ll explain more.
Get Out of the Bed, Y’all. It’s Time.
GiphyThere’s no telling how many times I’ve said over the years that I agree with interior designers when they say that the purpose of the bedroom is sex and sleep — no more, no less. And that alone makes it pretty obvious why the “default location” for copulation is a bed. It’s private. It’s comfortable. Plus, it’s such an ideal location for foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay (which typically consists of quite a bit of cuddling), too. And since beds/bedrooms are so ideal for sexual activity, it’s very easy to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach and just stay in that space most, if not all, of the time.
The challenge with that is, if you’re not careful, boredom can creep into your bedroom — and since I think we all can agree that a satisfying sex life is an essential part of any healthy relationship, boredom isn’t something that you should just shrug off, especially since one study revealed that about a third of Americans are currently not very thrilled by what’s happening up in their bedrooms these days.
Not only that, but I once read an article that said sexual boredom is why there is an uptick in masturbation, lower sex drives, an increase in cheating, more relational conflict, and a ho-hum take on relationships overall.
Now, are there seasons when sex is going to seem less exciting than others? 1000 percent (check out “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”). And so, if you’re reading this and you happen to be someone who plans on getting married someday, that is something that you should absolutely keep in mind. However, to the married folks, those seasons can happen less (or you can get through them faster) if you’re more intentional about doing things that can keep your sex life fresh and stimulating.
And one of those things includes…GETTING OUT OF THE DAMN BED.
5 Benefits of Having Sex Outside the Bedroom
GiphyOkay, so what are some of the benefits that come with making this minor coitus-related tweak?
1. Getting out of the bed is spontaneous. While reading an article that featured a survey of 500 Americans and 500 Europeans on their favorite place to have sex, the top rank was in public. I’m pretty sure that’s because it’s risqué, it’s random and the spontaneity of it all can be stimulating as all get out. Look, even if you’re not down for having sex in a restaurant or club bathroom, technically your backyard is still considered to be “public.” Pitch a tent and try it there. If you wait until nightfall, the fresh air and stars alone might get your adrenaline going…in ways you never expected.
2. Getting out of the bed is fun. It’s hard to be bored when you’re having fun and when you’re exploring something different with your partner, that can open the door to discuss new things, to laugh about new experiences, and to enjoy the trial and error of experimentation. Plus, laughter has been proven to release endorphins (feel-good hormones), which can make having orgasms easier. Besides, it’s kind of hard to not laugh, at least a little bit, when you’re in the midst of having a really good time — sex should also be considered a really good time.
3. Getting out of the bed can introduce you to new approaches to intimacy. Say that your man suggests going down on you on the countertop in the kitchen one day, out of the blue. I don’t mean during the midnight hour, either. I mean, when the sun is still out, and the curtains are slightly drawn. If normally, you’re down for some oral, yet you prefer to engage in pitch blackness while lying back on your mattress, being on the counter could “hit angles” that you didn’t know existed while being in the light could boost your sexual confidence in ways that you didn’t quite predict.
4. Getting out of the bed can teach you something else/different about your partner (and yourself). One of my clients once told me that when her husband recommended having sex in a Starbucks bathroom (one of the cleaner bathrooms, I’ve heard), she said that it caught her so off guard that they ended up having a long conversation about sexual fantasies. As a result, they decided to come up with sex-themed bucket lists every six months that consist of new things that they want to try. She said that it’s been one of the wisest moves that they’ve ever made. You can learn more about how to make your own by checking out, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List.’”
5. Getting out of the bed can make your bedroom feel “new” again. You know what they say — absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if you aren’t always having sex in that bedroom of yours, that can actually make you “miss” it sometimes, especially if you decide to do some redecorating (as far as bedding and candles, etc. go) a couple of times a year.
As you can see, doing something as simple as having sex somewhere other than your bedroom can create a whole new world, quite literally, as far as your sex life is concerned.
One of the Best Places to Have Sex
What if I’ve got you convinced to get out of your bed, and, yet, you’re not quite ready to do anything that’s considered to be “too crazy” just yet? No problem. All you’ve got to do is head towards the place where apparently most people use as a safe out-of-the-bedroom go-to: their living room couch.
In fact, couches are apparently so “sex popular” that a few years back, GQ published a piece entitled, “Couch Sex Is the Best Sex.” Why? Couches are comfortable. Couches are different from a bed.
Also, the sex position possibilities that come with the help of a couch are pretty endless. Not only that, but when I asked some of my clients how they felt about having sex on their own couches, several told me that the 69 (oral) sex position is on a whole ‘nother level, thanks to the armrests on their couch (you’re welcome — LOL). So, if you’re wanting to “ease out” of the bedroom, sex-wise, try your couch. For starters.
15 Other Places to Have Sex (If You Haven’t Already)
GiphyNow that I’ve hopefully at least got you to consider getting out of the bedroom (period or far more often), let me share a quick list of places to try — in case you need a bit more inspiration:
1. The laundry room — with the cycle running, it’s like a huge vibrator.
2. The dining room — afteran aphrodisiac-filled romantic dinner. You’ll probably already havesome sex condiments within your arms’ reach.
3. In the shower. Before you hate, read this first: “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better.”
4. Against a wall — any wall. Have you noticed that some of the hottest sex scenes in movies are filmed up against a wall? It’s great for oral sex as well as intercourse.
5. In one of your closets. It’s in a close proximity, and you can hold on to racks that hold your hangers. Plus, it’s pitch black in there if dark is your thing…even in the daytime.
6. On throw pillows on the floor. Over the holidays, I watched a video of Nick Cannon with his firstborn twins at his house. One of his rooms is a theater room that’s filled with nothing but throw pillows. Personally, I’m a big throw pillow fan because they are cozy, comfy, and a great option for sitting on the floor. “Floor sex” conveys “gotta have you now” and the more lust that’s in the air, chances are, the better the sex will be.
7. In a rocking chair. Someone was recently telling me how amazing sex is in a tantra chair. When I looked one up, it reminded me of a chaise lounge. Anyway, that did get me thinking about how chairs can make for deeper penetration and super close face-to-face intimacy. If you step it up and get in a rocking chair, you can control the speed of the intercourse in a cool way. Try it and report back.
8. In a sleeping bag on your deck. Cuddling with your hubby is already going to get your oxytocin levels up. It would be a shame to let them go to waste, so strip naked from the waist down and engage in spoon sex. No one has to know (which is a part of the thrill!).
9. In an office. His or yours. I mean, even if it’s a home office, it qualifies.
10. Via a trampoline. I mean, you might’ve bought one for the kids. However, after you read Elite Daily’s “4 Sex Moves To Try On A Trampoline & Take Getting Frisky To New Heights,” you might wanna get one for yourself. #wink
11. On a truck bed. Down a country road. It’s rustic, raw and romantic. If you don’t have a truck, borrow or rent one. It’ll be worth it.
12. On a road trip. Rent an SUV that has tinted windows. While heading to wherever you’re going, stop and have sex in random spots along the way. This is where quickies can come in hella handy.
13. On the hood of your car. I mean, it can always be in the garage…if you’d prefer.
14. Airport parking lots — in the cheap section. Hey, if public sex is your thing, you can try those same tinted windows that I just mentioned in the airport lot sections that are super far from the airport because they are cheap. If you go up in there after midnight, barely anyone is around. Just sayin’.
15. While on a sexcation. Pretty sure it’s time for one of those, anyway (check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!”).
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It’s actually a husband who once told me that it’s hard to get bored with your partner, so long as you both really desire each other and mutually want to keep your sex life strong. Changing locations can help with this, so use this year as the year to give it a shot. You might be surprised by how a simple shift can make sex the very kind that you’ve been longing for (lately)!
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