While I think she would prefer to not have her name mentioned in this piece, it's actually a 36-year-old woman who inspired me to write this. After telling me that she doesn't trust men because none of them know how to be with just one woman—whew, these gross generalizations do NOTHING for the Black community—I decided to do a little digging around to see if that was indeed the case. Not because I believed her (I absolutely disagree); it's because I wanted some Black men to be able to speak up for themselves on the topic.
The combination of being a relationships writer and marriage coach means that it's pretty easy for me to outsource men on various issues. Usually, the only thing that they ask is for some sort of anonymity. Not because they are "scared" to reveal themselves but because they like to keep the drama levels down and would prefer to speak their mind without folks looking them up on social media (or whatever) afterwards. Granted. So, here are 10 men, who are going by their middle name, who are currently only having sex with one woman. Most of them have been doing so for a while now. The reasons vary. Some might surprise you a bit. Yet hopefully, they all will give you a little more insight into how a man thinks about exclusive sexual dynamics and why it's not as taboo as some would prefer to think (or is it assume?).
Damon. 34. Single.
"I know you probably want me to say something all romantic 'n s—t but that's not where I'm coming from on this. Back when I was out here, I was out here. I had a lot of fun. But anyone who thinks that sleeping with lots of different people is safe is crazy. I can name at least five of my boys who have herpes and they didn't get it in college. It happened when they were in their 30s. The variety that comes from being with different women can be cool. The older you get, it's even better to find someone who satisfies you sexually and just be with them. You know what you're dealing with and there are no surprises. That's what I'm with these days."
Aric. 29. Single.
"You just said 'serial monogamy'. That's hilarious. I guess, sexually, that's the kind of guy that I am because I'm not in a serious relationship. Don't want to be. I do have sex with only one woman at a time. When we're done, I move on to someone else. I don't double back either. I like it because it keeps all of the drama and confusion down. We both take STD tests. We both know what kind of birth control works for our relationship. Most of the ladies, I even keep up with their cycle with them, so I'm not getting any 'baby daddy' calls. I'm almost 30.
"To me, great sex means no drama. One woman at a time makes that possible."
Devaughn. 25. Engaged.
"You're using my middle name, right? Good, because my mama would kill me. She still wants to see me as a good ole' church boy. Anyway, when I met my fiancée, I knew that she had the potential to become my wife. She made me wait to have sex for about 7-8 months and I'm gonna be real with you—it wasn't until after we had sex that it sealed the deal as far as knowing for sure that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Women need to get that sex is a legitimate need in a relationship when it comes to men and we don't 'age out' of that. Good sex, consistent sex, is a big deal. When that sex is happenin', though? You can keep us focused on you more than you might think. It can keep us faithful more than we ever get credit for."
Parnell. 26. Married.
"Contrary to what a lot of women think about men, we're not afraid of marriage or only being with one woman. What does terrify us is signing up to marry someone who presented themselves to be one way before marriage and then they totally flip the script after. It happens all the time. How is it that when we're dating you, there's a ton of sex and after the wedding, about a year in, you act like sex is some sort of chore? Uh-uh. My wife? She's nothing like that. The sex is amazin', every time. We have it about 3-4 times a week and we've been together for seven years, married for four of them. She brings it so hard that I can't tell you the last time I thought about another woman. I see beautiful ones all of the time. But the sex that I have with my wife? Trust me, I'm good."
King. 40. Divorced.
"My situation isn't common. I know that. I am only with one woman and she happens to be my ex-wife. So, why aren't we still married? We only gel well when it comes to the bedroom. Since we've been divorced, we've actually become good friends and since the sex is totally off the charts—why give that up? I'm not sure what either one of us will do if we happen to meet someone new. But we've been divorced for three years now and that hasn't been an issue. I actually like the sex better now than when we were married. Don't try this at home, folks. But hey, it works for me."
Lionel. 39. Single.
"When I was in my 20s, I didn't think this way. Now that I'm almost 40, I do. I like to know a woman. I mean, really know her. I want to learn her body. I want to find different ways to make her cum. I want to help her tap into some sexual portals that she may have never known about before. That takes time and it's easier to do when you're focused on just one woman. When you're young and immature, you're all about variety and, because a lot of the sex is more about you than 'her', you don't care about how many partners you rack up. As you get wiser, you want more of a sexual experience. S—t, you already know how to nut. You want sex to be bigger and better than that.
"The woman I've been having sex with, solely, we've been doing this for a couple of years and it just keeps getting better and better. I'm not sure if I want to do the marriage thing, but finding another partner? Nah. I'm completely satisfied."
Christian. 42. Married.
"I'm really glad that I waited until I was 39 to get married. I did my thing. I dated a lot. I experienced my fair share of women. So, when I met my wife, I knew that I was choosing her from a clear headspace. If there's a guy reading this, don't let anyone tell you that married sex isn't some really good sex. Marriage doesn't end the sexy. It's all about marrying the right person. My wife is freaky. FREAKY. It's not just about that, though. I trust her. I like her. She really wants to please me and I really want to please her. I used to wonder if marriage would make sex boring but it really hasn't because we have sex on a totally different level than I had as a single man. I see fine women all of the time, but my wife is so good to me. Chicks out here are just background noise. I'm good where I'm at."
Ronnie. 47. Divorced.
"I'm too old for the bulls—t. I don't know what else to tell you. The more women you sleep with, the more headaches you've got. I know we're not supposed to talk about R. Kelly anymore, but a homie-lover-friend is just what I've got and I wish I had signed up for this a long time ago. My marriage was a headache. My divorce was a migraine. I'm not sure I'll ever jump another broom. I do like having one person to chill with and have sex with, though. We've been like this for, hell, almost seven years now.
"We both just want the space to be and to have sex with someone we trust. The s—t is dope. One of the best decisions I've ever made."
Tony. 24. Single.
"I've never been the kind of guy who just wanted to be 'out here'. So, I'm not. I started having sex my sophomore year in college and accumulated a few partners by the time I graduated. Since I've been out, I've been with one woman. She's not my girlfriend. We're actually best friends. I think because neither one of us are ready to get married any time soon, our arrangement works for us. I trust her. The sex is really good. I dunno. I met a lot of women in college who were crazy. I like being with one woman because of the sanity and stability of it all. That beats out having randoms every other night."
Warren. 31. Engaged.
"I'm a virgin. Believe it or not, I'm not the only male virgin that I know. I was raised to wait until marriage. I'm glad that I did. I know I'm not married yet, but I can already tell you that I'm glad I waited for my future wife because there's no baggage, no comparing, no other images of other women in my mind, no thinking that someone else does something better. It's just…us. I can't totally predict what the future will hold. I can say that I'm excited about seeing breasts and hips and what's in between for the first time with a woman who is committed to me and I am committed to her. It makes me see sex differently than a lot of people I know. I don't think monogamy will be a problem because we waited. If we can wait, we can stay faithful. We both believe that. Can't wait!"
There you have it. 10 men who are only have sex with one woman. Not all for the same reasons yet still all in the same boat when it comes to two commonalities—they're doing it on purpose and with absolutely no regrets. I told you that these kinds of men aren't unicorns. It's all about asking men where they stand. NOT ASSUMING.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert