"I've grown. If it doesn't water me I don't want it." - Teshia Ivana
When I scrolled past this simple statement on Facebook, I felt it so deep down in my spirit that I almost caught the Holy Ghost.
I am not a snack. I am a whole ass garden—one that needs water, sunlight, and love from an equally yoked partner to thrive and if a relationship can't promise growth, I want absolutely no parts and in Halle Berry's recent interview with People, our good sis had that same energy. The 53-year-old mother-of-two shared that although she's been single for the last three years, it has been my choice—not force.
"I've learned a lot being with my children. They are the best company for me right now, and when I divorced Maceo's dad I've been pretty alone by myself going on three years now. Decidedly so, for sure."
The actress, who divorced her third husband, Olivier Martinez in 2016, told People that while in the past, she'd usually prefer to be boo'd up, she's taken a break from dating to focus on herself and I felt that.
"I have decided to take time. I'm very much a relationship-oriented person, I always want to be with someone. But I decided, no I'm going to slow my roll, I'm going to take a minute and I'm going to spend time with me."
Halle says that although she didn't initially expect her single season to last three years, she knows that it was time well spent.
"I knew I was going to take at least a year, one full year. One year led to two years and two years is now leading to three years," she said with a laugh. "But I'm fine because I think the next relationship I have I think I will have a better chance of attracting and choosing what's right for me because I've taken this time to think about what's important to me."
Falling in love hit different when you know yourself and after 53 years, three divorces, and two children, Halle Berry has learned this firsthand:
"I no longer feel the need for a relationship so I don't feel the need to rush or accept something that's not totally right for me. Not that anything's wrong with the people I've been with but I'm going to wait for my match or I will stay solo and be with my kids and do my life the way I'm doing it."
Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely, and Halle wants us to know that your singledom isn't a curse, issa gift. She had this advice for women who are searching to find solace in solitude:
"You know what I think the gift is, and this is something that comes with age, the gift of your own company. And you can start it by maybe taking a short trip, a weekend trip and seeing how that feels. I promise you, you will start to enjoy that time and being with yourself and your company being the most important company."
Click here to read the full interview!
Featured image by Shutterstock.com
RELATED
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak